Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Does your pdoc make sure to leave time to calm-down and re-regulate before the end of the session @creative_writer ? Or do they end it pretty abruptly? 🤔

My pdoc from many many moons ago didnt. They would just say "ok, time to finish now" or sometimes if we had just finished explaining something "5 minutes left" and then maybe "heres your script repeat" or "what are you planning the rest of the day/week?"

Absolutely no check-in with what emotions may be raging inside.

I compare that to my current counsellor (who has so much experience working with trauma) who the one time we did talk about trauma she intentionally asked me to check how i felt before leaving (even though we were overtime; luckily she didnt have anyone else after) and to sit for a further 5min with her to process it rather than shut it down like i have learned to.

Often when I talk about how a time has been or a past event, I do it in a very emotionally-detached way. It’s “recounting” (which to be honestly, probably saves me from “emotionally reliving” pain - for better and for worse!). So often I would be in a type of “shield up” mode emotionally whilst talking about something, and its not until my cognitive brain disengages (ie. after winding down post-session with my pdoc in the past) that I actually feel and realise that there are emotions there underneath that have been stirred up.

Not sure if that is similar to what you experienced post-pdoc? Totally OK if not, just wondering! 🙂

@creative_writer

I’m sorry the pdoc didn’t take the time before the end of the session to regulate and process the feelings - and even more so when it would be reasonably visible to see too! @creative_writer 😓. I mean, even my pdoc should have known to just because of the content we were talking about even if I wasn’t externally showing dysregulation.

Once I left my counsellor and I was still in tears - but that was OK because we discussed what I was planning to do after leaving her to make sure I could continue to seek support until I felt less overwhelmed and was safer.

I wonder if it might be worthwhile emailing the pdoc to suggest in future he plans in 10min before the end of the session for an emotional-processing non-cognitive time?

I find it helpful to focus on how it impacts my present-day too 😊. Although sometimes its not always obvious in how it might play out, so often we stumble onto trauma topics “in reverse” by starting with how I experience life and why I do or don’t feel/perceive things a certain way, and reflecting on where that has come from - e.g. was it modelled to me? did I have an experience that made me feel/think that I couldn’t ask for help or tell someone I was scared?

And it’s not always trauma behind it — often for me it’s also that both my parents are super self-reliant and don’t ask others for help. So whilst they would help if I asked - I never felt that asking was what I was meant to do. I just thought I was meant to do it all myself and “not complain” about things.

Does being aware of the thoughts keeping you stuck help you to resist against listening/believing the thoughts? 🤔

(For me it does, but I don’t have OCD, so I don’t know how/what helps in your situation, hence I am curious).

Understanding that some of my “emotional barriers” to things are actually sensory-based is helping me realise what is going on so I can then make a cognitive choice on how to respond or modify things or even explain to others why “its not for me”.

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@creative_writer wrote:
Im aware of the thoughts and know they’re not logical but it’s still very hard to sit with them because the I get intrusive thoughts pretty frequently over the course of the day. I try not to think but it doesn’t work. It’s not that I want to think but it’s just that I can’t stop thinking.

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This I relate to with regard to my SI thoughts! I can try not to think about them or to just sit with it or to “acknowledge and let be” to try to not let it get me distressed or caught up in it, but it doesn’t make the thoughts go away!

Sounds like “external meditation” (or grounding) rather than internal medication/grounding is a better fit for you 😊. And this makes sense to me.

What are your favourite sensory calming/stimming/fidgeting things? 😊

Oh, soft stretching noodle ring @creative_writer - sounds like a good idea to replace it 😃. Hopefully they’re not expensive?

My ADHD friends love NeeDoh products, so I bought an advent calendar for our group by NeeDoh lol. But some of the squishies were a bit … too soft? Especially if they have glitter inside 😬😖. but my friend was apologetic for the glitter leakage on the fabric.