Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Good timing @creative_writer ! I've just logged on for awhile 😊.

Stomach pain is no fun at all! Do you reckon it is related or unrelated to the anxiety?

Oh, plus the ADHD on top 😬 - I have heard from friends that sometimes their ADHD can also cause/create/exacerbate their anxiety too (which meds can help with, but as you note you can't currently take them). 😢 Sending extra calming safe hugs.

I'm glad you reached out for support - even if it didn't help as much as usual or as much as you had hoped. It was still a really positive step to do, and I imagine when feeling anxious it can feel ever harder to do so. I'm really proud of you still doing it. 😊 Sometimes for me reaching out may not help, but sometimes it can prevent it getting worse. Not sure if that perspective could also help for the times when you hoped to get more out of it.

Meal management, email to a potential psych, and a blood test are really good achievements I reckon. 😊

Walk post-dinner sounds really good too. Do you have a favourite route? Or just wander around changing it up each time?

Today was alright. I had my cleaner come this morning, so I did some of my study whilst they were here. Then I go to the chiro after the cleaner finishes (weekly routine lol). Got home and I was pretty tired and a bit glum so I decided I could go to bed and rest in the cool aircon since I had done study in the morning, and figured I'd prob feel better after a good rest. Rested/slept for a couple of hours and then got up and did some more of my studies before making me and the dog dinner.

Yesterday I saw a new GP for the first time -- they only do MH, but thats good because they have a real genuine interest and longer appointments for it. I think it went well, and will see her again soon to continue the conversation & path forward. It's been over a decade since I had a GP that was good/interested in MH, so I am glad I decided to cough up for it.

@AlwaysMyselfI know you mention that struggle with SI is real for you. How do you manage to complete daily tasks despite having loud thoughts? My loud thoughts aren’t just SI related, I also have other thoughts. I think the same concept would still apply for all thoughts. Would be great to get study tips.

I’m safe

Hey @creative_writer how've you been going? Any luck with finding a psych that feels suitable for your needs?

💜

Oh, I get chest pain from GERD too @creative_writer ! It can be so annoying when it is constant. I didn't see the GP about it for a few years until it got really bad -- oops! 😅. Whilst GERD isn't good/nice, I hope it was GERD because as you say -- waayy better than an infection or some other causes of stomach/chest pain.

Lack of concentration & focus is a really common symptom of depression, and of ADHD too of course, and anxiety. I think depending on what is causing the lack of concentration/focus can help with working out how to manage or improve it. From what my ADHD friends have told me, their lack of focus can be improved by fidgeting/stimming at the same time. And this makes sense to me even, because at times I know I find it easier to focus on my study/work if I have music playing too (and other times it makes it harder lol). If I am fatigued from my chronic-fatigue-syndrome, then nothing except extra rest will help 😬. I have sometimes had "brain fog" from depression, but my depression isn't "typical" so it hasn't been a big feature for me. But when I did have it, what helped me...? 🤔 Honestly... I don't think anything did help it in the short-term. But when the depression eased (whether longterm, or just because of a temporary 'snap out' of it due to a strong distraction like a pet doing something silly) then the brain fog would improve too.

Does "thinking about not thinking" make the OCD thinking worse?

I don't know much about OCD, but I have had some mild traits I am aware of since childhood. And I know one of my childhood ones was absolutely not rational at all lol - for me it was more that it didn't "feel" right and was uncomfortable to not do a certain thing repetitively, but I don't recall having conscious thoughts about what would happen if I didn't do it.

"For me OCD is more intrusive thoughts than compulsions."

This makes a lot of sense to me. My SI can sometimes be in this category - to the point that a past pdoc of mine temporarily prescribed me a medication used for OCD thoughts because of the repetitive nature of my intrusive thoughts. And they helped! .. until I felt like a catatonic zombie lol. 😅

Intrusive thoughts about germs, infections, etc would be exhausting I imagine. Is there anything in the past that you know can help sometimes? (Like I said, I don't know much about OCD - so I'm really interested to learn if you would like to share your experience.)

I think it is unfortunately common for people to self-blame and wonder what they did to deserve trauma and/or misfortune. 😢. I don't know why our brains do it - maybe because if we caused it, then maybe we could fix/prevent it? Where as when it isn't our fault/cause then... we have no control over it happening? 🤔

But you are absolutely right when you challenge the self-blaming thoughts and remind yourself that it is not your fault or doing, and you don't deserve to suffer. But sometimes life just isn't just. But we do get to choose/practice/try how to respond to things and learn how to manage/cope. 🤗 just like you are already doing!

@creative_writer I am 'studying' Auslan. I say "studying", but really it's mostly just completing assessments for RPL (recognition of prior learning). But hopefully in later subjects I will begin to be learning new content 😊 which is part of why I am doing it - because I want to "fill in the gaps" in my grammar and linguistic knowledge.

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@creative_writer wrote:

@AlwaysMyselfI know you mention that struggle with SI is real for you. How do you manage to complete daily tasks despite having loud thoughts? My loud thoughts aren’t just SI related, I also have other thoughts. I think the same concept would still apply for all thoughts. Would be great to get study tips.

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Excellent question @creative_writer . On one hand, yes I have managed to "get on with daily life" despite chronic depression & SI thoughts for 25 years. However, on the other hand I am not sure my method has been the best for my MH longterm. I think the techniques I used are great for "normal" depression which is episodic and eases and responds to behavioural-activations. However, sadly mine did not! and my method has over the longterm had a lot of unintended consequences too. 😬 So please take what I say with a knowledge that it may or may not be good, depending on the circumstance.

When people ask "how do you do it?" my immediate response is "I bully myself". It feels like bullying myself, even though its not negative self-talk based. I forced myself to, I don't give myself a choice. I kept telling myself "I must... I have to ... ". I never let myself consider that not doing so was an acceptable option (e.g. going to school, going to work). I did use a lot of positive self-talk in it too --- "C'mon, you can do this. You know you can. You just don't want to (or feel like it)." I also tapped into my personal values a lot -- being reliable, supporting others, earning-my-own-keep, etc. Sometimes this could be about not allowing myself to not go to work because I didn't want to be "unreliable" (note: this was NOT a positive thing for other reasons sometimes!!), where are other times it could be trying to help motivate myself through "If you go to school, then you can think of how to do something to encourage/support your friend" -- and that's how I kept myself going to school each morning!

With regard to SI specifically, it really depends if it is thoughts alone or feeling PLUS thoughts. Thoughts alone are easier for me to continue on with -- I have found that acknowledging the thought it there "Yes, I hear you. But we are not doing that." helps me temporarily put it aside for the few minutes until it comes back again lol. And repeat. However if there are feelings also screaming out the same thing at the same time.. that is sooo much harder to do alone. One method I have used of coping is to "shutdown" (emotionally dissociate perhaps?) but I'm not sure this is very healthy.. I mean, it kept me safe (and still can when I need to). But it doesn't heal anything! And the habit of doing this over decades has actually made it really hard for me to connect to the emotions when I am somewhere like with my counsellor. What I think is healthier for me is if I can safely sit in the thoughts and feelings and acknowledge them and listen to them - but this doesn't allow me to "get on with my day" if I do that, unless it is something manual like hanging up the washing! But this also comes with risks -- what if the thoughts become stronger and instead of allowing them to pass through once they are acknowledged and "heard", they just "stick" in my mind more...? That's when being able to actually talk to someone about them helps to "get them out", and then the thoughts and feelings quieten down more because they also feel heard by someone else too.

Not sure if this helps for you or not. But this is my reflection on how I tend to "keep on".