Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@tyme it’s just very hard, I get disheartened a lot of the time. I’ve been struggling to unstuck myself my sticky thoughts. I’m not sure if a trigger warning is needed in the below paragraph, but I’m on my phone and can’t add one right now. I’m out right now, and I’m struggling to stay present.

TW SI

I will look into Roses in the Ocean when I’m back home. I’m also currently with SANE recovery club

I can certainly relate to what you are sharing @creative_writer That need for a 'break'. Can you speak to your treating team about this? You deserve to have a break.

I'm not pressuring you in any way, but I have to say, I found that inpatient programs have been a 'break' for me in the past. I couldn't get caught up in other things and didn't have to mask. I was able to focus solely on recovery.

@tyme I can talk to my treating team again about it, I spoke to them last time about it during my last appointments. I can increase my insurance, get the referral sorted. Timing is the barrier, I can’t do an admission until mid year. I’ve been proactive in finding a course to develop myself professionally, I now have commitments. I won’t be free for much longer, I’m starting soon. Not sure how I’ll do it, but I guess moment by moment.

I know there is also the option of day programs which might be more doable. I would still need to plan around my schedule for those. I would also want to double check with insurance about the coverage for those.

My pdoc is currently just monitoring meds and I need to get the process of new psych sorted. I’ll email the clinic, I haven’t heard back from my psych. My psych was going to send me the details of a psych she recommends for EMDR. I can look into it once I have the details

Good on you for being so proactive @creative_writer

From what I know, if you have been with the insurance company for a while, they may waive the waiting period.

Anyway, you know your scedule best in terms of when it's a suitable time.

I just really hope you find the support you really deserve. I can resonate with having ruminating thoughts.. it is not easy at all.

@tyme I figured studying is better than being unemployed. I’m not sure if I’m ready for working in mental health at this moment in time. I am mindful the my cup has limited resources. I need to work on my own mental health. I’m used to putting other people first, I experience this sense of guilt.

I’m hoping I’m able to find the support I need. It’s been an overwhelming few months. Not sure if I’m just overstimulated today, experiencing a really prolonged aura right now. I have no pain relief with me. It’s not helping how I’m feeling. Fighting my brain right now. Depression is trying to convince me to give up, I’m resisting SI because I’ll never know what I can become if I give up. I’ll never know the purpose behind the pain. I’m super emotional, maybe I’m sick and on my period. My migraines auras aren’t usually this bad

I completely hear you. There is no rush on this @creative_writer. Maybe the reassurance that healing at your own pace and when you have the space might be helpful? 💛

Part of this is acknowledging your small wins along the way, because those moments are what build up in the mind and body, and contribute to your growing sense of self-compassion and capacity.

I understand what you mean here and I appreciate you sharing this with me.

Regarding somatic flashbacks, they really are so much to sit with. Have you been able to try somatic shaking in these moments?

Ah, that's really positive, lovely. There is no progress too small to be meaningful, remember that. 🥰

@AuntGlow right now it is about noticing small changes. My psych also thought getting the med side of things sorted might help with progress in therapy. It’s hard to do any deep work in the state of crisis. Finding a medication cocktail has been challenging. My pdoc is also cautious of making too many changes because of risk. He knows how bad things can get, I even scare myself. The main thing is I’m still alive. I haven’t acted on urges for a while now, I’m trying to keep it that way.

Somatic shaking sounds familiar but I haven’t tried it.

I hope you’ve been well 💖

I reached out to a helpline today, still feels rough. It feels like I’m emotionally suffocating. I’m thinking of taking a walk after I eat dinner, maybe it’ll help a bit. Today isn’t feeling good, I didn’t get much done. I’m just not doing okay today

@AlwaysMyself I’ve been able to resist SH urges lately, maybe that’s progress? I need to refocus my brain on other things. Been so caught up in my head, I wish it wasn’t easier to redirect energy. Rumination can be so loud, and I want to be to break free but it’s hard. How do you redirect your energy?

How have you been?

Small changes really are key... how would you feel about setting an intention in the Sunday Intention Setting thread and getting some community support/encouragement as you explore small changes? @creative_writer 🥰

And yes, absolutely. It's really hard to safely delve into those deeper parts and explore regulation when we are so activated in the body.

I am hearing that your pdoc/psych are really trying to meet you where you're at and take things slowly/intentionally - this is really positive.

What has been helping you regarding your urges? 💛

It's a very simple concept, when you notice you're really dysregulated and nothing is slowing things down, shaking the body can help to release the stress response.

I would love to know if you try this and if it helps. 💖