Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

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@creative_writer wrote:
I’m just afraid of being let down by putting hope in the new meds. Maybe it’s just that I’ve already tried multiple ways to relieve the pain just to feel stuck in the end. I know it’s possible the meds might make a difference, but I feel conflicted on whether to put my hope in them or not. Maybe it’s the hopelessness of depression.

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@creative_writer skimming through a few posts from the past day. Saw this one. 100% hear you on this feeling. You are not alone in that experience of knowing it could help but also not wanting to be vulnerable to disappointment if another thing doesn't work/help.

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@creative_writer wrote:

I tried and reached out for support that day, but I felt so powerless.

... I know since then I’ve made it 2 days without SH. I’m just trying to not be hard on myself but it’s hard

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Just wanted to comment that I am so proud of you!

1. You reached out for help! OK, maybe it didn't go exactly perfectly to plan -- but you tried, you did the first step of reaching out for support.

2. You had 2 days of no SH. Any progress is good progress. 😊 I am going to celebrate this achievement with you, if you allow it.

@creative_writer Reading that you have had a few sessions of EMDR in the past and they seemed to go well for you (better than talk/exposure did). I know you have been considering this for a while, and that having to start with a new/different psychologist (and potentially the need to retell things) is a big barrier to it for you.

Do you think your current psych (who you feel safe with but lacking progress / exacerbating in trauma topics) would be open to you keeping things "open" with them so that you could try the EMDR with another psych but have the option to return to them if it doesn't work out?

(Would that feel "safer" for you to have a safety net?)

I do really like the idea of writing out the info you want to tell them in advance as a way to maybe make it easier and less overwhelming. Possibly, even, this is something you could do whilst with one of your support people to help you pause and regulate as needed during the process?

I know someone else who is also preparing to see a new support person by writing things down. 😊 And I think I will do the same thing also, as I have an appointment in a few weeks with a new GP (they specialise only in mental-health related, so i will retain my existing GP for non-MH things). With complex and chronic mental illness plus trauma I reckon it's a good way for me to "snapshot" everything for them in a concise summary.

There are a few others on the forum that I know are considering EMDR also, not sure if connecting with them is something you would be interested in for discussion? Or with people who have had EMDR previously?

Also really encouraging to hear how helpful the private admissions have been for you @Captain24 . 😊. I haven't been admitted before, but it was suggested to me a year ago, and then again 6 months ago and again the past month. I've always just not been sure what it looks like daily and whether or not it would be helpful -- and whether I'd have enough "downtime" to myself.

Depression definitely has a timeline of its own @creative_writer . I do hope the new meds help, and if they're already helping with the impulse control that in itself is a good thing too. 😊

My uncle was telling me the other day that his pdoc tried about 5 different 'cocktails' of medication combinations for him before they found one that worked, and he said it has made such a difference for him. My mum asked who the pdoc was as an idea for me, but they only do older-ages. But it got me thinking too about how willing I feel inside to the idea of trying different medications until finding something that works better. However, that isn't an option for at least 9 months because of the treatment I am waiting for - it requires me to come off my current medication (I am half-way through; so far, so good).

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@creative_writer wrote:
I’ve been reaching out for support when needed. Maybe I do need to reach out more often instead of waiting till it all feels too much. It’s harder to reduce distress once it gets to that point. I’m still going without SH right now.

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Yes! Sometimes getting in early when you see the "orange lights" (warning signal between the Green and the Red lights 😉) can be really, really helpful. It's actually one of the first things I was taught with my depression and SI - to recognise the triggers / warning signs. However I was only taught self-regulating (in isolation) and not reaching out for support, unfortunately lol. But I have found that reach out early enough is also so important.

I tried a phone line the other day (despite my general reluctance) but I had left it too long and the "your call is important to us" hold message was in itself too triggering for me and I couldn't stay on the wait line lol 😅. Should have gotten in earlier myself before I was too distressed to cope with the wait lol. Even though I have known how to see my own orange lights for the past 20 years, I still don't always catch them quick enough or often still struggle to reach out when self-regulating/distraction doesn't work. ... or sometimes once I have tried to self-regulate unsuccessfully then it has worsened further and making it harder for me to reach out -- that's a learning in progress for me currently lol.

I say this to say, it's OK if you don't manage it all the time! you are not "failing" at those times, its just that we aren't always able to do things perfectly in the moment - we are human after all.

hello and hugs @creative_writer

thinking of you lots today my friend 😍

Hey @creative_writer ,

Did you get to get out a bit today for some fresh air?