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Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor12 Sept 2025, 4:22 pm AEST

Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

I have multiple mental illnesses including Bipolar 2, cptsd, OCD, social anxiety. I’m also neurodivergent, ADHD and ASD. I already have tons of labels and a lot going on. I’m getting assessed for an ED on Monday during my psych appointment, I reckon I meet criteria so I am anticipating another diagnosis. I know it explains my how I’ve been feeling but it’s another label, I hate feeling so broken and feeling like I’m complicated. I know my disordered eating habits are adversely affecting my mental and physical health, I’ve just been in denial for so long and would also get defensive when people commented on my eating habits or asked about them.

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In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

AuntGlowModerator07 Dec 2025, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

That's okay! @creative_writer 💖

Mmm, this makes so much sense!! Slowing things down, being more present and mindful... it really does allow for more space to be present with our body's intuitive messages - rather than just the more hyper-vigilant ones.

Your explanation of avoidance is so understandable and very relatable... it would be hard to experience RSD alongside this. I am hearing a real need for secure connection, both with others and yourself.

I know this is hard to cultivate at home, but I am wondering, what places/people bring out the most security/safety in you? 🥰

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor07 Dec 2025, 8:16 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@AuntGlow I was always the hyper-vigilant type, even as a young kid. The world is hard for those of us with attachment issues and even being ND means one is easily overstimulated. I used to be selectively mute at one point. I'm trying to learn to slow down, it's not easy.

My RSD is really bad. I feel like most people with ADHD have it. When I'm heightened I can become reactive because past trauma gets triggered. I've felt misunderstood, invalidated, rejected and felt like I didn't belong my entire life. I'm trying to learn to feel safer in my body, but that's challenging with chronic body flashbacks. It's hard feeling safe around people, I haven't met many safe people in my life. Safe people do exist, I don't think everyone is an unsafe person, but it is very rare for me to find a safe person in real life. I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, but it is hard to unlearn the "better off alone" and replace it with "better off with safe people". I'm like the queen of avoidance.

Being spirituality connected helps me feel safer, I also have a friend in my real life who I feel more safe with. I haven't told her my whole story and I'm not sure if I ever will. I do think she gets it. I have a loving family, but I don't feel like I can truly let my guard down.

How has your Sunday been 💖

In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

JynxModerator07 Dec 2025, 8:34 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@creative_writer that is super amazing - and I know that you've been concerned about being in the f2f kind of roles full time may be too much for you each week (legit!) so maybe being able to hermit yourself away doing research half the time (or all the time if you need hehe) could be a good way to strike a balance!

omg big mood - idk about you but I really struggle with 'interpreting' my pain... like is this a 'stretch it out' owwie or a 'keep it still' owwie? Is this random stabbing pain referred from a tight muscle or is it actually in my organs? It can be really distressing at times!

Shame is so tricky hey. I think being able to share openly in safe spaces and be validated and acknowledged in our struggles can go a long way to reducing it, but it's hard when a lot of it is ingrained responses to socialised patterns and values. Amazing how we can completely disagree with a social norm, and yet still feel shamed by it. We're complex creatures 🙃

Is it a task that you could make a start on without pressuring yourself to finish, or would it be one where you felt like you had to follow all the way through?

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor07 Dec 2025, 9:02 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@Jynx I'm just taking it as it comes right now. I have ND needs, I can get overstimulated when talking to people all day. I find face to face harder than phone calls or digital. I can do face to face, but can't see myself doing it all the time.

I honestly don't know if it is an ouchie or stretchy, I don't understand my joints. I do part tricks even though I'm not meant to.

Humans are indeed complex, you can disagree with a social norm but feel enormous amounts of shame. Not talking about MH publicly can be a norm for many people. There might be an adaptive component but it can be isolating. Gossip culture still does exist. I heard of a case where the family of a victim wanted the victim's story taken down because of the impacts it had on the whole family.

I will sort my clothes eventually, maybe when the urgency happens and I have no choice but to meet the deadline. Yes, sorting out clothes has a deadline for Thursday, I will eventually get to it. Maybe I should've set the deadline earlier in the week to motivate myself.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

JynxModerator07 Dec 2025, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@creative_writer good luck to us both this week with our cleaning/sorting haha

TY for the chats as always 💜

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Dec 2025, 12:35 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@Jynx it’s always a pleasure to talk to you 💖. I hope you have a chill week.

I need to start sorting soon. I’ve had my morning workout, did some meal prep but also stuffed up. I’m safe. Though probably have to talk to my psych during my afternoon appointment. I just felt like I had to do a less worse thing to prevent a worse thing. I know it’s not healthy, but I guess I can explore it in today’s appointment.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Dec 2025, 4:05 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Just had my psych appointment today, was a big session. We mostly talked about my stability, wasn’t appropriate to dive into other more deep work right now. My supports want to make sure I can remain safe. My psych suggested considering psych ward stay to get my meds sorted. My meds are not fully stabilising my current mood state. SI and SH urges are still up there (I’m safe). I’m anxious about psych ward stay and I can’t handle my parents’ anxiety either, the option would trigger them so much. I can discuss options during my next pdoc appointment. It’s been harder than it usual is. SI is a telltale sound that I’m really struggling because it doesn’t happen to me all the time.

I also screwed up and SH today (no med attention needed). I know it’s a spiral that is hard to break free from, I was trying so hard to survive and resist SI, so I turned to unhealthy ways. I know I’ll need to find other ways to cope.

I feel super anxious and unsettled. I didn’t want it to get to this stage, and I have no idea what happened and I have no idea what to do. You can say it’ll pass, bipolar episodes are episodic, but one can be stuck in deep depression for months. I am just barely getting by, it’s taking so much energy to keep going and to survive

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

AuntGlowModerator08 Dec 2025, 4:26 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Hey @creative_writer,

It sounds like there are a lot of big feelings come up for you today... we are here with you, okay?

I am glad that you have support right now and that you saw your psychologist, that's really important.

I can hear that the idea of an inpatient stay sounds really daunting, and that's completely understandable... have you sat with what the pros and cons of a stay could be for you?

And you didn't screw up at all, coping with big sensations and loud thoughts is really tough. I know you are doing your absolute best here.

Could we come up with a plan to keep you coping in safer ways tonight?

I know things feel utterly exhausting and painful for you in this moment, but I have faith things will shift for you, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. 🥰

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor08 Dec 2025, 5:10 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@AuntGlow it's been really rough lately. I'm just doing what I can. Called up to see if I could get in sooner with my pdoc but he is fully booked. Upcoming appointment is on the 20th of January after he comes back.

I know during inpatient stays they can monitor for medication changes closely and prevent risk from getting too high, I know they can do a full medication review. It does still feel like an unfamiliar environment and I find it hard to trust. Also explaining to my parents would be difficult.

TW: Self-Harm

Content/trigger warning

Now I'm not sure if I can stop, because once I start it is hard to stop. I can work on trying to include more of my healthy coping strategies. I actually did try exercising before SHing, but when exercise didn't work, I caved in. I can try adding some prayers and breath work.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

AuntGlowModerator08 Dec 2025, 6:30 pm AEDT

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

I am sure not being able to see your pdoc is making things feel that much more vulnerable... I'm sorry, this must be so tough. 😣 @creative_writer

Regarding inpatient care, it sounds like they would really be able to support you, but that it would also be hard for you to trust and a lot for your parents to hold? That does make it challenging... what is your intuitive self saying here?

Good on you for exploring exercise and trying safer coping strategies first - that takes a lot of effort when we are heightened, so I really want to acknowledge this.

I think prayer and breath work sound like a wonderful idea, could you explore that at some point tonight? 🫶

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