Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@creative_writer Howdy!

I totally feel that re: mindfulness whilst walking. Sometimes I try to make a lil game - like I Spy, where I'll try to spot as many flowers or dogs or red cars or something whilst out and about. So if I'm getting too lost in my head, if I spot something it will pull me back into the present. Or I'll focus on not stepping on cracks in the pavement, or trying to balance along a narrow bit of concrete... just stuff that pulls me out of that 'autopilot' mode. I think this feels a little less frustrating for me when my brain does its usual thing and goes for a wander whenever I go for a walk 😅

Thing with helplines I try to remember is that a) you can always call again if you don't get a person you vibe with and b) even if it doesn't help, you've still passed time - time that our bodies can spend trying to bring us back to homeostasis. May not always be what we're needing but sometimes doing something is better than doing nothing and then feeling ashamed about doing nothing, which can perpetuate the spiral further.

You're welcome to email us a copy of your safety plan too if you like - either before or after you go over it with your psych! Up to you 😉

Hope you're having a chill one this arvo 😊💜

@creative_writer yeah it totally takes time and repetition to instill it as habit! I like the idea of going with someone too, a journey you can share! And it can make the games more fun, if you're into that - like whoever spots the most red cars wins!

I totally relate to that feeling. Building up distress tolerance skills was super helpful in being able to better take rejection. Also finding other ND people definitely helped! I know you'll find your people hun.

Hope the event is a good time, not too overstimulating 😋💜

Unmasking can be super uncomfortable @creative_writer - that is so legit, especially when you had to hide to survive. It takes time, and baby steps into that discomfort. I think even just the fact you can kinda talk to your sister about this is an awesome thing!

Sometimes distractions are exactly what is needed - it can almost give our brains a rest from the many thoughts, especially when the thoughts are not so fun.

Anyway, I hope you have a chill week, find some things that fill your cup, and win at finding the most kitties!! Hehe toodles 💜

@creative_writer how are you hun?

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@creative_writer wrote:
@Jynx it is hard when you feel like the whole family's honour lies on your shoulders. I've made a lot of sacrifices. I feel like I am tainting my family being open in therapy.

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Wow, this is a complex feeling I've no doubt. Is it something you've discussed with your psych at all? Would be a hard topic to broach I imagine.

And did you get any nice walks in this week? 😊

TW: SI

@JynxI can't seem to like posts right now. We started touching on family stuff, my parents are super protective and there is always the pressure of listening to elders. I think my mum has her own attachment stuff, she has intense separation anxiety and maybe is afraid of losing people.

I've become the avoidant and run away type with relationships.

I make decisions they won't approve of but I don't tell them because I know I would be lectured even though I'm a grown adult. They don't always realise that sometimes they don't know best. I am not saying we shouldn't take on advice at times, but everyone needs autonomy.

I've taken a couple of walks this week in between my home exercise days.

Today has been a hectic day, so my pdoc thought we could try decreasing my med dose a bit more and that ended up disastrous.

I had a brief phone call with my pdoc and he wanted me back on the higher dose. So I've still had my med dose decreased, but the decrease was too much. I still got a little put off with something my pdoc said. I know people stuff up sometimes, but it came across as a bit judgemental.

I hope you've had a better day ❤️

@creative_writer Oh wow hun, that's so intense and super rough. How are you feeling now?

I'm sorry to hear that you felt judged by your pdoc, that can make us feel worse hey. Is there anything you're needing from the community right now?

I'm hearing you that the relationship between your parents' values and your internal struggles is a really tumultuous one. I'm also hearing that it feels difficult for you to gain a sense of agency and autonomy... It can be so hard when our parents do things that they think are good or best for us, because it makes it that much harder to be firm with our boundaries when we know that it comes from a good place.

I hope that you're being kind and gentle with yourself, and not getting stuck in shame. Remember that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have, and that this can be an opportunity for growth, in time. Like one of my fav quotes: "Someday this pain will be useful." 💜