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Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
I have multiple mental illnesses including Bipolar 2, cptsd, OCD, social anxiety. I’m also neurodivergent, ADHD and ASD. I already have tons of labels and a lot going on. I’m getting assessed for an ED on Monday during my psych appointment, I reckon I meet criteria so I am anticipating another diagnosis. I know it explains my how I’ve been feeling but it’s another label, I hate feeling so broken and feeling like I’m complicated. I know my disordered eating habits are adversely affecting my mental and physical health, I’ve just been in denial for so long and would also get defensive when people commented on my eating habits or asked about them.
In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
Hiya @creative_writer how you doing hun? How's your week been?
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx this week has been hard, I ended up self adjusting my own meds because they were sedating me too much and making me unmotivated and slow, I think they were contributing to depression. I know you’re meant to do it under supervision, but I was suicidal and didn’t know what else to do. The depression hasn’t lifted and I’m still sedated, but I haven’t gotten worse. Suicidal thoughts are still present, but they’re only thoughts right now. I’m still super fed up. It’s only day number 2 since I lowered the dose and need to give it time. I know I should’ve wait till my psychiatrist appointment, but sometimes you do things if you feel like they’ll help you survive. I am thinking of asking him if I should lower my dose further, ideally I want to be off them but not sure if my psychiatrist would agree to that. They were also making my ADHD symptoms worse too, I take a ton of supplements for ADHD that weren’t working, and I thought the meds were blunting their effects.
Finding it hard to function, rumination had been bad. But I’m just doing what I can.
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx I’m finding myself feeling restless. Hopefully it’s not withdrawal. I was in a shit place before reducing my meds, I’m still in a shit place two days after. I’ll give myself time, I have my psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday. Not sure how happy he will be with what I’ve done. I’m just holding on the best I can
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
I think it's okay to listen to our bodies @creative_writer - no matter how experienced and knowledgeable someone is, they aren't in our skin. Maybe just make a note or keep track of any unexpected sensations, yeah? And don't hesitate to reach out or scoot yourself to the ED if you are getting worried about serious side effects, or if there's lots of pain or anything like that.
What helps you burn your restless energy? Exercise or art are my go-to options, something to burn through the energy so I get all tired after, or something to pour my energy and attention into that feels more 'productive' than just scrolling ya know?
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx meds weren’t working from a physical point of view, it wasn’t just the sedation, I was getting lightheaded spells which haven’t stopped but are much better than before. You have to be super careful with side effects like that. I guess the way forward will become clearer once I have the appointment. Also being zombiefied doesn’t really help depression. I think the fine line between over medication and enough meds can be tricky. Needs also change because bipolar is weird. I needed the extra meds when I was in a depressive episode with manic features. I’m currently just plainly depressed.
I was thinking of changing my bed sheets, I forgot to change them two days ago, and again yesterday. That might burn off some nervous energy. I can go into bed with clean bamboo sheets tonight 💤. It’ll keep me distracted from the dark thoughts for a bit
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@creative_writer yeah friend of mine reported much the same when she was finding the right meds for her bipolar. Said like, it's all well and good to take the sting out of the mania, but not at the cost of being able to function. It's tough to find the right cocktail 😅 Hopefully your session on Tuesday will help you sort out a plan to move forward 🤞
OMG changing sheets is like ADHD nightmare fuel lol it's the one task I can't just 'leave till tomorrow' - once you commit, you gotta finish! But then the fresh sheets feel, oooo hard to beat!
Good luck lol and ty for reminding me I should probably do the same 😜
Hope you get some rest and reprieve hun 💜
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx the balance can be tricky, and even taking a dose the is a bit higher can make a huge difference in functioning levels. Maybe everyone has different sensitivities, but I’m super sensitive to even small changes. The sedation and fatigue can take a toil physically and mentally over time. So in a way can sort of destabilise you, but then at the same time you need a dose higher enough to stabilise you.
I managed to change my sheets, my sister helped. She got distracted in between with her clothing and forgot lol 😂. Sounds like something I would also do.
I’m sleeping okay so far, I think that’s promising. Still feeling super tired on awakening, but talking to psychiatrist is probably the best next step, if I decrease any further, I would have almost halved the dosage (which probably is too much of a jump).
I’m holding up okayish right now, but the weather in my mind is usually the worst later in the day, so I’ve got to make the most of the early part of the day. I also hate how I’ve been super teary lately. I know it’s healthy to cry, but tears don’t feel safe to me
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@creative_writer it can be challenging having so many sensitivities hey! Such intricate systems that we are.
Yessss recruiting a helper is wise! Haha with our ND powers combined, we can a functional human make! 😝
Tears can make us feel incredibly vulnerable. I get you, sometimes we just don't feel safe enough to let the floodgates open. I used to hide how much I cried, so my two go-to crying places were in the shower, and out on a walk in nature. Either of those options for you?
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@Jynx I think some of us just have extra sensitive bodies. Caffeine is much the same, I need enough to be more functional but too much and I’m anxious.
My sister has asked me if I think she is ND, she definitely has traits.
Shower might work. I went for a walk today and came back with a sore eye, bugs don’t belong in eyes. It must have lost its ways to hit my eye. I went with my sister. The walk kept me distracted for a while. Had an afternoon full of emotions, had lots of depressing music on play. Don’t you miss Chester Bennington? Trauma really eats away at people. It’s so hard to move forward when the thoughts won’t leave.
I will be having dinner soon, hopefully I’ll feel a bit better afterwards.
In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
JynxModerator
Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)
@creative_writer yeah the line between caffeine being helpful and calming vs getting me agitated can be very thin indeed!
Haha no surprises there, runs in families after all! Does she seem keen to learn more about it, more about your experiences?
Bugs definitely don't belong in eyes! Ouch! Glad you got out n about, even if it was buggy 😋
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