Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Hi @creative_writer, sorry to read that you are feeling triggered. I can see that you're reflecting on a lot of things and it's bringing up a lot of emotions.

It's easy to become stuck in rumination, so I just wanted to check in to see how the community can support you with these feelings, and just check that you are feeling safe?

@holdinghope5 I’m safe, I just went to bed early last night.

It helps to get other people’s insights on how they manage being triggered. It’s just that I’ve been invalidated by whole life and I felt expected to suppress emotions inside me, it gets overwhelming

Sorry that you had a rough one last night @creative_writer. Hope you ended up getting some sleep 😉

Yeah toxic positivity seems all about repression, vs. positive psych which seems more about embracing the breadth of life experiences.

Sounds like a form of grief, trying to understand the 'loss' of a life never lived. It can be a lot to process, that's for sure.

How are you going today amyway?

@Jynx I slept okay. I hope you slept okay last night, I know you struggle with sleep. ND brains are annoying. Slightest light will trigger you awake.

I’ve lost a lot of time to mental illness. Still losing a lot of time. I’m unemployed and have struggled to work and study in the past due to my mental health and chronic pain. I still don’t know if I can work, I struggle with job applications. I have often experienced executive function breakdown during interviews. I’ve started writing out questions because I forget.

I do think life would’ve been simpler if I didn’t go through everything. I know it makes me, but it f***ing hurts everyday, I can’t see a life without pain. I’ve done what I thought was required of me, it’s not a great thing being told you’ll need to learn to figure it out yourself. I know talking about SA is frowned upon, but what else am I supposed to do? Keep it in? I feel guilty talking to my psych. I know my parents would’ve preferred if I just did it without professional support. I don’t even tell them what I discuss in therapy to prevent any interference.

They stopped me from getting mental health support during my final year of high school. I had to turn 18 before I could make a decision. Without meds or therapy I would’ve been in a worse state right now, if I was still here that is.

Sorry that was a lot

@creative_writer I'm sorry that there's so much stigma that has made it so hard for you to be able to access support. No one should ever be shamed for seeking help.

It's okay, no apology needed - maybe it had to come out!! How are you feeling after reflecting and sharing?

@Jynx it feels clearer and less disjointed. A lot of the time I find it hard to understand what is going on in my mind, it helps to reflect. I was born with a loud mind, thoughts don’t always make sense until much later. Then I get those “ah” moments.

It’s tricky. Anxious parents have anxious children. Mine were always super protective. It felt suffocating at times, but that’s just how it is. My parents aren’t trusting of the mental health system, can’t say I am entirely either. But not getting help is a hard way to go. It’s also true I can’t seem to fully trust my supports, maybe it is my parents’ anxieties somewhere there

Opening up is scary @creative_writer especially when so many experiences have taught us otherwise. You're doing amazingly I reckon, doing the work to uncover your own values, and breaking free of patterns that no longer serve.

Hope you have a smooth week hun, I will catch you next time 💜

@Jynx feeling exhausted after my psych session today. I touched on developmental trauma associated with growing up with a parent with mental illness.

I hope you have a restful week 💖

@Jynx had a shift today, so mentally exhausted. I had a rough day yesterday. I managed the shift and could be there for others, but feel like my cup is completely empty now. I know I wouldn’t have survived past the two hours

@creative_writer sounds like a big session with your psych, and a big shift to follow! Bone-tired and thine cup runneth empty, ya not surprised!!

What are you up to this weekend? You don't strike me as someone who would go to a costume party for Halloween, but maybe cheeky tricks mayhap? Haha