AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

Oh.. ok. I thought I had to rid the negative and make a positive. That sounds more doable though. Allow the negative to come through and then see the positive when it passes. @0ddsidian

I do need to learn to handle them better. But once again that’s a work in progress. I have all this trying but haven’t seemed to got anything together yet.

It’s a good strategy and it is making me look for good things just not always as I forget. Blah… reframe! 😜 ‘I have difficulty in remembering some things’ better??

I’ve only just learnt how to label alarms! Thanks to Jynx. So that is becoming a little helpful. I have the finch app but rarely use it. I basically just work and sit in the lounge so there is no where to put sticky notes. I don’t look in a mirror so that’s pointless.

Maybe that’s a good idea to ask first to stop getting into trouble later. It has been explained to me a couple of times but I have difficulty with it and it feels really fake. But talking to you has made it easier for me to realise it doesn’t have to be all sunshine and roses. Sometimes when things are bad you just want someone to listen.

Pix and Jett have been climbing over rocks all morning. We went up to a couple of cliff faces?? I guess that’s what you could call them. The views and the waves crashing were awesome.

So so far my good things are

Climbing over rocks to see the views

Plus… going to one lookout with mum and looking out into the ocean… and then see a whale fully breach and go back into the water. There were a few of them and it was so amazing to see. One thing off mums bucket list!

I still have time for the third one!

What about you? Your three good things?

Mate, if it was possible to "get rid of" the negative thoughts I would be out of a job @Captain24 😂 It's exactly that; "allow the negative to come through and then see the positive when it passes".

Excellent reframing haha

Whatever strategy works for you, do it. Sticky notes next to your front door (or a door you use regularly) can be good. I've seen people put them above their sinks in the kitchen as well. Basically any space that you're in regularly is where I'd put them. I don't put them on my mirror either.

I get why it can feel fake. There are ways to do it in YOUR words, that feel authentic to you. You don't have to copy word-for-word someone else's example. I saw someone talk about some really big feelings the other day but then put in brackets "(I'm safe though)". That can be helpful, because it can help others know that you are safe and not to worry too much about you. Saying "I just wanted to vent and have someone listen" can also be good, because it tells the community what you need.

I also just want to point out that you said "I have difficulty with it" (relating to recovery-focused posting) instead of saying "I'm not good at it" or "I can't do it". THAT is growth and THAT it important to acknowledge.

So ask questions. There's a lot of ways to do recovery-focused posting!

Your babies are so little, so they must be brave to be climbing around cliffs!

OMG those are incredible things for your list today! I'm so jealous.

Hmmm, my day really only started at 11am today. But I've got two so far...

1. I had a really cool and energising discussion about stigma with some colleagues.
2. A friend just messaged me to make plans to hang out soon.

Hahaha.. I can’t certainly keep you in a job! 😜 @0ddsidian

I can see what is the best spot for me. See if that can help a little. Forgetting things is a mammoth problem. I can’t certainly keep forget to do my hair if I’m leaving the house and all I do is brush it and throw it into a ponytail. I can’t certainly keep even forget to feed the dogs at times until Pix starts jumping up and down at me.

I did think about how I wrote that I have trouble with it! Tried to reframe my words. I do listen sometimes.

I can try and think of those things in the moment. It’s hard to think when your world is a deep dark mess. That’s where I get myself into so much trouble.

I had to hold their leads tight as they would have probably walked over the edge.

That sound like a good start to the day.

I’ve just been swimming at the beach and about to take the dogs down to theirs.

The world will keep me in a job, @Captain24 🤣

I pretty much do the same thing that you do to your hair. I usually go with a "sleek bun" when I haven't washed my hair in ages; that way it looks like a style choice rather than just me not having the energy to wash my hair haha Sounds like those alarms with labels could be really helpful.

It definitely can be hard to remember those things in the moment, which is why practicing them now, starting to build the habit and getting more information about recovery-focused before you're in that deep dark mess is good. We don't try to learn a new skill when we're in crisis mode. It's very difficult for our brains to take in and store new information in those moments.

Silly puppies!

I'm now jealous of the swimming! It's way too cold in Victoria today.

My final good thing for today has been seeing the subtle but powerful language changes that you've used in your posting ♥️

Yeah. A long tail is quick and easy and no one usually notices that my hair hasn’t been washed for a week or two. @0ddsidian

Yes alarms should be better. I just have to remember to set them so they aren’t going off when I’m at work or on nightshift! I’m having trouble with the general cognitive function of life. I’m doing ok here but I have my parents 90% of the time and I just have to do what I’m told.

You have me feeling like I’m doing better. But still have a long way to go but I think if life gets too hard it’s safer for me to step back and go with no support than to get into trouble and get banned.

I took the dogs to the beach and Pix went to her favourite part of the beach and was so wet and so happy. The smile was worth it.

Thanks for your final good thing. That does that mean you have seen others and photos? Some of it I haven’t even thought about just done it.

My hair is really thin, so I can't go more than 4 days without washing it, otherwise it looks like I've stuck my head is a vat of oil, @Captain24

It can feel good to not have to think and just let other people make decisions for you. I make lots of decisions in my work, so I love it when I don't have to do that in my personal life. It's so nice when my friends pick where we'll go if we go out for dinner together, as an example.
Re. alarms - I like that I can schedule my alarms to occur some days of the week and not others. I know your shifts aren't exactly the same each week, but you can change the alarms to have them go off on certain days of the week and not others.

I'm going to gently challenge something for you (take a deep breath haha):
It sounds like you're considering withdrawing and going "with no support" as a way to avoid feeling like you've failed or that you are being rejected (if you get a ban or something). I can see why that's how you're feeling. "Withdrawing" will guarantee you don't have support (for as long as you withdraw for). I'd recommend at least attempting to post in a recovery-focused way, even if things are really hard, because you won't know 100% for certain that you'll fail. If you are 100% confident that you need more intensive support than what the forums can provide in that moment, then I think it can show incredible growth and awareness to take a step back for a short period of time, until you're a little bit more regulated 😊 Dysregulation for someone with Autism or ADHD can occur pretty easily.

Puppy smiles are so precious! They make me MELT!

I haven't seen any of your recent posts outside of this thread. Got any examples from your other posts that demonstrate your recovery-focused posting?

I usually have to make all the decisions but this time I’ve told them that I’ve made these decisions and they need to make the next ones! @0ddsidian. I stood up for myself and I don’t usually. So that is an achievement! I’m a little proud of myself!

It’s so much better when people make decisions for us. I like to be just able to go with the flow. I can’t cope with having to think too much and decide what works for everyone. It feels like too much pressure.

I will set reminder alarms at the end of my block of work. I set my alarms to get up for work the night before my shifts start. So I can work with that. I have already set an alarm for Friday labeled ‘referral for dermatologist’ as I need to put it in the car to take over on Monday! I’m a little impressed with myself! Just pointing out that that is twice!

I was a little concerned about that challenge before I read it 😜 I see what you are saying. There is times where I just need the support of on here before I hit the really bad stage. It helps keep things level. I get that I really need to think before I post in those moments instead of automatically assuming that I will fail. To get the help I need. If I don’t try I end up feeling rejected through my own fault and that makes things so much worse for me. Rejection hits really hard. If posts are edited (which I completely understand) it feels like rejection and that hurts. The dysregulation does happen so rapidly. I just thought it was because I’m a failure not that it was the adhd or asd. Reframe: uncontrolled mental health!

I don’t know if this is but.. I said that I will help others in need. Eg. My arrogant brother needed money so I gave it to him which left me nothing to buy food. Also just a few positive things about myself.

You are giving me more confidence in myself.

Puppy smiles are the best!

I just had the best time at the beach, the waves were awesome and I mindfully dive through them and felt them roll over my back. I gently floated over the unbroken waves and felt the calmness of it. I did have to do small talk with a random lady for about 30 minutes though. That was really tough but I got through it. I’m feeling a little exhausted and need some recovery time but I’ve just taken extra meds.

Good things..

I took the dogs for a walk along the beach this morning early because I felt like it.

My beach swim this afternoon.

We went shopping today so I took this photo for you

Ooooo! Look at you standing up for yourself! That's incredible @Captain24. Hugely proud of you for that ♥️

Sounds like you're already doing so well with the alarms, and the fact that you've got a plan is so good too. I did notice that you mentioned that you're proud of yourself / impressed with yourself twice! I'M impressed that you noticed and acknowledged your pride.

You've hit the nail on the head with what I was trying to explain. Feeling rejected SUCKS and it's something I struggle with a lot (as I've mentioned). The RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) can be intense, particularly for people who have always felt or been told they're different (e.g. like AuDHDers and people with complex mental health stuff). I know that you know that editing your posts aren't people rejecting you. I imagine it makes you feel like you've done something wrong and that you've failed? Maybe we can try to look at it as a learning tool? If your post is edited, maybe look at it and use the edited version as an example of a way you could rephrase what you've typed. And if you're not sure exactly why something has been edited, please ask.

YOU REFRAMED THAT SO WELL (okay, calm down 0ddsidian haha)

I'd probably not define that example with your brother as "recovery-focused posting" BUT I do think it demonstrates a lot of compassion for others, which is a strength for sure. There are a lot of examples in your most recent posts in this thread where you've mentioned struggling with something but not immediately linking that to you failing or being unworthy.

Just pointing out the evidence, Cap. You're DOING the typing. I'm just shining a light on what you're saying.

30 minutes of small talk does sound absolutely exhausting. You described floating in the waves so beautifully and it's made me chill out a bit just by imagining myself doing the same.

I love that you have a pram for your fur babies! Look at their precious faces!

Look at what you said in your post:

---

That was really tough but I got through it.

---

Sounds like that could be a mantra ♥️

It’s getting a bit tense around here now so I’ve just told them not to start. @0ddsidian. Mum said something that really hurt while on the walk and I just said to her not to start that shit. It was really invalidating. Cut really deep. I know it’s now a derogatory comment that’s going to continue.

I can’t concentrate. Dad has the tv too loud… I’m getting too overstimulated.

Sorry about that. I just needed to get it out. There is so much more right now.

Thanks for acknowledging that I noticed some good things. That is a massive step forward.

You have said how much it’s a struggle. It’s a fear so it’s like I withdraw myself before I can get rejected. It’s the forefront of my mind. I have been rejected so much in life even from my parents at a young age so you would think that I’d be use to it!

Some mods help me to understand what it did wrong but others give me no idea what I said wrong. It’s hard and also one mod will think it’s ok and the next mod won’t. I do know that it’s different interpretations. I just hope that in the moment it can news seen that I’m trying and not ban me if I’m doing my best.

I wanted to say it that way so I did then I knew it had to change so you got it both ways!

I haven’t actually linked it that way. I didn’t realise that. Being away and spending time outside and in nature has helped me a lot. I go home tomorrow though. So we will see how it goes.

I actually should write that down somewhere. I didn’t really realise.

This is the sunset from tonight’s walk.

I'm glad that you're home, @Captain24

I'm particularly sensitive to sound so a loud TV would definitely bother me too. Does your Dad have poor hearing? My parents and grandparents always have the TV excruciatingly loud.

The saying "progress isn't linear" is pretty important to remember. Some days we'll take a few steps forward and then a few back. It doesn't mean we've failed ♥️

Being "use to" rejection actually can make it harder to cope with sometimes, because you will just assume you'll always be rejected.

That sounds really challenging; to not get the same information from mods every time. Is there something specific that confuses you / that you've been given different messages about? It's very evident that you're trying.

Spending time in nature is SO therapeutic. Are there any good nature spots (other than the beach) that you visit? There was a thread that someone posted recently where I talked about how the human brain is more balanced when we're in nature, compared to when we're in concrete, metal, industrialised areas. And this relates to how slowly the human brain has evolved, compared to the environment around us.

The contrasting light and the beautiful orange tones of that photo are incredible! Thank you for sharing it 😊