AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

This whole post is recovery-focused, @Captain24. So proud of you!

It's so nice that you were able to share some stuff on social media. Talking about this stuff can really normalise it and reduce the shame and stigma.

I'm really glad you can see your Mum becoming slightly more accepting of your illnesses and differences. Tiny steps in the right direction!

That sounds like a potentially rough time, when you're staying with your parents. What sort of things do you do when you're together?

I get so much hope from interacting with people like yourself; Forums members and participants in our other programs, and from the people I work alongside. It's a large reason why I do this and I'm very lucky that this is WORK for me haha

Re-scripting sounds so powerful. Are you generally good at visualising things? I often struggle to bring specific images into my brain. Don't minimise how well you explained this concept to me. It was very easy to understand. I think a strength of yours is that you're pretty articulate and can put things into words that are easy to follow.

Quotes from your last post that demonstrate strengths, hope or recovery-focused language:
- The whole thing! But I'll give some specifics
- "Maybe one day I'll get there with self-acceptance."
- "Maybe mum will come around one day. She is showing some signs though"
- "I hope it gets better. Seeing you guys on here helps so much. It’s really powerful to see what you have all overcome to be able to work in the recovery space. That maybe there is hope for everyone."
- "You need to keep working at it" - re. rescripting
- "I guess you could say they are slowly getting apart. Some days they are and others they aren’t. But I guess at least I get some days. Not everyday in my life is bad anymore, I do get good days and there is moments when I have a few good days in a row. I guess that is progress!!! I picked up in that one!!!! The bad days are really bad though." - Not sure if you can save this anywhere for yourself, but it's probably worth re-reading this when you're having a really bad day.
- "It helps me see that I’m not all bad and that I’m not failing all the time. There has been a couple of steps forward. Just need to hold onto them."

You've said "maybe" a lot. Which is actually great! Why? Because "maybe" leaves space for possibility. And possibility leaves space for "not everything will be terrible". 😊

I didn’t realise that @0ddsidian. I automatically just think I say the wrong things. I actually enjoy talking to you but stress at the same time that I’ll say something wrong.

Maybe I can do this recovery focus thing!

I do feel a little more comfortable with sharing my illness but only slightly and limited in what I share.

Im here now with them. They are arguing and nit picking each other. We went to go for a walk this morning but it was closed where we normally go around the headlands. Will do that tomorrow now. We did go to a pet shop and I spent $317 so we were in there for a little while!

We will just go for walks along the water in various places. Anything to see the ocean. We do climb up some rocks with the dogs and watch the waves crash against them.

Im glad that you can do something you enjoy and find rewarding and then it be an actual job! I hope that we keep you on the right path.

I don’t see pictures! It’s hard, I can remember the memory and see parts of it but visualisation in general doesn’t work. Memories are slightly different. Don’t ask me to picture an apple!

I have moments when I’m good with written word but mostly when I speak it’s terrible! Inappropriate, sudden, rude, unrelated!

I reread it and there were lots of maybes.

You know what? It's so hard to KNOW that you enjoy something and feel good doing something, while you've got these automatic thoughts that say negative things about yourself. This happens to me quite regularly, @Captain24. Part of the reason I'm pointing stuff out to you is so you can challenge those negative thoughts a bit, with evidence to the contrary. You legit CAN do the recovery-focused thing, because you HAVE been doing it. Look at the evidence! Will some days be harder? Yes. Will you slip from time to time? Probably? Does that mean you can't do recovery-focused stuff at all? Absolutely not 😊

No expectation that you HAVE TO share about your mental health. That's a personal decision and there isn't a right or wrong. I choose to share some parts, and have gotten more comfortable over the last 10 years. Sometimes I feel like I get a "vulnerability hangover" if I share too much too quickly. It can leave me feeling fragile, even if people don't respond poorly.

Did you buy anything fun in the pet shop? I'm imagining you buying like 50 colourful fish for some reason 🤣

I LOVE the water. It's my happy place. I get quite teary when I'm by the water because I love it so much. I went to the beach recently. Here's a (non-identifiable) photo!

You lot definitely keep me on the right path! It also reminds me that I'm not alone in what I've experienced, even on the hardest days.

I also only see parts of memories. Nothing is ever fully clear. Someone asked me to picture my favourite "nature place" recently and it was like my mind flipped through dozens of random nature images, but never settled on anything. How would you feel if I asked you to picture an orange? 😉

We all have different strengths. I've got some friends who are HORRIBLE at writing, but great at speaking. I think we can probably ✨reframe✨ those four words (inappropriate, sudden, rude, unrelated). I imagine I'd be quite entertained.

Maybes = Possibilities 🌈

It is hard @0ddsidian. I always instantly notice the negative. I have to try and remember that it can be normal just to be careful that it’s not constant. I do know that is something I really need to work on. You are making me see some different things. Things in a different light. How do you challenge them yourself?

I’ve always shunned that term ‘recovery-focused’ as it instantly makes me feel like I can’t do it. Not knowing how to do it right. You are giving me a little more confidence. I can’t afford to slip up though. One more stuff up and I get banned. So it feels extra stressful.

I am trying to enjoy things more and trying to admit to them. So actually saying it means something.

Nah. The pet shop was just an expensive trip with treats, toys and harnesses. I usually only get to this one twice a year. We don’t have one near us and not the two towns we travel to for appointments.

I read somewhere that adhd people relate to the water! It’s always been something that I’ve loved. I love that photo and I love that you have such a connection to the water.

(Not so) fun fact, @Captain24 - Human brains have a natural negativity bias; meaning we're naturally programed to notice the negative before we notice the positives. This is the case for ALL humans. I use the "List three good things" strategy. I also keep (aka a list) of evidence that challenges my negative thoughts.
Example: "My partner doesn't love me"
Evidence against this thought: They come over to my house and cook for me so that I have food after work, they wash my dishes for me (because it's a chore I struggle with), and they don't pull away when I'm crying / overwhelmed / upset.

I have other strategies as well, but I'd need to think and write them down in a way that makes sense for sharing haha

"Recovery-focused" is very broad. It's definitely not just about being positive. I think all of this is about staying within the Forums community guidelines. I definitely encourage you to ask questions if you're confused about anything.

Acknowledge the little things, which I partly why I encourage people to do the "Three good things" strategy. It helps to identify the little pieces of hope and joy. Do you have three small (or big) good things for the last 24 hours or so?

I definitely feel at ease by the water. Maybe it's because I get the right amount of stimulation when I'm near it. I want to look into it more! I also love your photo!

I guess at least it’s normal to go the negative first. I need to be able to find the positive after @0ddsidian

Sounds like you have an awesome partner! I do see where you are coming from.

Example. My parents don’t love me. Which is true but they do care. Evidence.. they take my dogs when I’m working. They make me send a text when I get home from work. (It’s a travel time of 45 minutes in the dark or after nightshift)

I still do have issues with recovery focused but at least I know I can ask questions.

Three good things.

I went on my favourite walk that we do while we are on holidays.
I went to the beach.
im taking to dogs for a walk along the beach!

I have to edit this. The walk wasn’t good. Pix hated it, Jett wasn’t a fan and I didn’t enjoy it either. We aren’t going back to that spot tomorrow.

But I do have a third from yesterday. I had a birthday for Jett’s second birthday.

It's so understandable to go to the negative first, @Captain24 . We're fortunate that brains can change and grow and we can train ourselves to see positives easier. Doesn't mean we won't see the negatives; it just means it's easier to see the positives. So things like the "Three good things" strategy have evidence to show that they help do that.

Great work, Cap! Challenge those thoughts. It takes practice, and I find it helpful to write them down somewhere. Saying them in my head doesn't quite work, personally.

I think we can all have days where it's harder to be recovery-focused, but it doesn't mean that we CAN'T do it at all. We've got examples to the contrary for you already.

I know you said the walk wasn't good, and I'm not disputing the way it felt or the experience of your dogs (haha), but could we potentially identify that the walk was probably good for your body? Just a thought 😊

I ADORE that you celebrate your dogs' birthday's. It's so wholesome! I love seeing stuff like that.

I can only try @0ddsidian. Try to have positive thoughts after negative ones. I’m a very negative person so it will take an enormous amount of time!

Sometimes I remember the 3 things and other times I don’t. I do think about it a lot though. I have listened to you.

I need to do it for other things, but yes writing them down would be so much better. I’ll see if I remember when things pop up. I may need reminding as I’m useless and forget this stuff in the moment.

I’ll keep trying to do it right. I have a little more confidence in it now.

Nah.. we didn’t even really walk. We just watched my brother in the water with his dog. We were supposed to to walk but then he just wanted to go home. Poor little Pix hates that beach. I feel bad that she has had a pretty rough day. I’ll make up for it tomorrow, we are going to climb some rocks and she will love that and I will definitely be taking her to her favourite beach and to her favourite spot on the beach.

We do a lot of silly stuff for our dogs. I have a pram that I take them in too. I’ll try and dig up an old photo as I don’t have a recent one.

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We're not trying to force positive thoughts onto ourselves, @Captain24. We're trying to minimise the amount of time we stay stuck and ruminating on those negative thoughts, and make it easier to see the positives. Negative thoughts are going to happen because they're part of being a human. It's what we do with those thoughts that's important.

You don't need to be perfect when it comes to the "Three good things". Aiming to be consistent with it can be helpful, but there's no punishment if you don't do it. It's just a strategy that helps me.

Can we reframe the "I'm useless and forget this stuff..." comment? (I know you love when people talk about reframing haha) 😉 Re. reminders - Do you have any strategies that you currently use to remind yourself of things? I have a few different ones:
- Reminders in my Outlook calendar
- Alarms with titles
- The Finch app
- Sticky notes on my desk

If you have any questions about what recovery-focused posting and stuff is, maybe try asking those questions to the peer workers / mods before you're in a really dark headspace. I know things are often rough for you, but when you catch a moment of "lightness" it might be a good time to ask those questions, so that you feel a little more confident and a little less vulnerable.

Dogs can be incredibly resilient, so I'm sure she's okay. But I love that you're making it up to her with her favourite beach!

When I was a kid I used to dress my dog up and do photoshoots with her with this ANCIENT camera! 🤣