AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

I love the reframe @Captain24 haha I definitely need to drink more water. Could also be something like "This has encouraged me to mop my floors now". Even if we don't FULLY believe a reframe (at least initially) it can actually make changes to our brains. It's almost like the "fake it till you make it" concept.

I personally think you've kicked some goals! What was behind the decision to do the front lawn a day early?

It's quite sweet that the facilitator of the mental health group wants to get to know you. Even if you don't like peopling, you must put out some sort of good vibe to others!

My psych makes me try to reframe all the time. But yes usually I don’t believe it! @0ddsidian I try the fake it til you make it thing. That’s what I’ll do at the group tonight. I don’t want to go.

I decided to do the front too because I was already going and wasn’t sure I’d start it again today. I’m glad I did though as today has been a massive failure.

She wanted a hug afterwards. I’m not big on touching unless I know you. It was kind of awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t know what she wants to get to know me. I guess it’s to know more about me. I think she wants the group to be friends but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. I like my own space and my own time. That’s why I don’t go anywhere.

I told her I was weird and withdrawn and pretty anti social. She said I was hard on myself. If only she knew how much I hate myself!!! I have really really bad social phobia so this group and wanting me to socialise is way too overwhelming for me. Too much overload.

I only have 2 good things for today.

1. I just ordered a new doh sensory advent calendar

2. I’ve almost finished packing to go away.

The power behind "fake it till you make it" is real, @Captain24 haha 😊

I love that you leaned into the momentum you had and just did the front lawn. That's sometimes how I hack my life when cleaning. Doing stuff now, so that our future self is thankful can be such a good strategy. I'm glad you did that yesterday, so you can be gentler with yourself today.

I'm not a hugger either. I get awkward. I own that though haha I give an awkward little wave and am like "Yeah I'm not much of a hugger". At least until I've really gotten to know someone, and I know that they're a "safe" person, which takes time.

This facilitator sounds enthusiastic haha It's nice that she wants people to be friends, but that's gotta be on your own terms though. Also remember that friendship is a spectrum (not black or white). I have some friends who I share heavy and deep things with (only a few though), and then I have other friends who I connect with on simple and light stuff (like my favourite band). And I'm sure, even if you do want SOME connection with the other group members, that you don't have to constantly hang out. But if you don't want to be friends at all, that's also so fine.

We can all be hard on ourselves. Some days are easier than others. I definitely notice little changes in how you speak / write depending on the day. That's so normal. I bet if you just scrolled through the Forums on any given day you'd find heaps of people who are feelings very similar to you.

You still have like... 6 hours or so left of the day. Plenty of time for one more (small) good thing 😉 I am incredibly jealous of that advent calendar and expect pictures of it in December!

I’m glad I did it yesterday too. I definitely go on momentum @0ddsidian. If I don’t then I fail.

I have trouble saying no to things people want but I really hate it. I don’t hug very often. When I see my friend from hospital which is really rarely we hug and then I see my psychologist in person we hug but that’s basically it!

I have my best friend that I don’t really talk deeply too. I have a friend that I sometimes go to lunch with but don’t see or hear from her any other time and I have a friend that I met in hospital and I connect with her in the deepest level. That’s it for friends!

It takes me a long time to trust anyone and if I’m pushed into trying to be friends I get my back up and step right away. It’s easy to say ‘we need people in our lives’ as the facilitator did. But so much hurt and rejection leaves me distant and not wanting anything. I don’t want people ringing me all the time or wanting ‘coffee’ it’s just too much.

It’s interesting that you can tell the difference! I try to hide it. I’m my own worst enemy. I really can’t find any good about myself. With the whole ‘connecting’ shit with the group shows me I’m a bad person.

I know a lot of people are the same and I really feel for them. We are all here as we have challenges.

So I have got 2 more.

1. I had a shower and washed my hair!

2. I’ve just done some Lego. I had to set a timer though for when to stop as I have to get dressed and go to this meeting! I totally lose track of time while I’m doing it. I can even forget to feed the dogs.

@Captain24

I used to really want MORE friends, but I'm honestly just happy with having a few good friends and then some people who I casually chat to (mostly online).

You're right; it really is so easy for people to just be like "You need people in your life". Like it's pretty obvious that it's true but it's just not that easy when you have had rough experiences with mistrust, rejection and abandonment. It can be incredibly uncomfortable to let people in and be vulnerable with them. Uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean unsafe though. The biggest growth periods I've had in my recovery have been when I've been able to sit with discomfort.

I mostly ignore my phone if people ring me. Like TEXT ME FIRST 😂

We're all our own worst enemies. If you scroll back through this thread I know for a fact you've actually identified some of your own strengths.

Love the Lego! They're so cute!

I do get lonely at times but I really don’t have the energy to maintain any extra friendships. I do maintain the ones I’ve got @0ddsidian. while I get lonely I kinda prefer being alone. It’s easier than trying to make small talk and trying to communicate.

It’s not easy to let people in. To much rejection, burnt to many times, abandoned to many times and that I’m not really worth knowing.

Im struggling with sitting in the uncomfortable. I try hard to get out of it. Try hard to try and get better. But it gets exhausting and wears me down. I keep pushing and trying anyway. Some days I just feel like I can’t do it.

I would like to learn though. I would like to give anything a try to get better.

Yeah I ignore calls all the time too! This group I went to last night is all about contacting each other outside of meetings to become friends to make it easier to share in group. I can’t really see how that works!

I did three more today as well. Not much else I was able to do.

It's all about balance (and not the black or white) @Captain24. Small talk can be rough, especially for an autistic brain. I know a lot of autistic people who prefer written communication too.

I don't know that it's up to you to decide whether you're worth getting to know. I'm sure you wouldn't want people to tell you what to believe.

It really is difficult to sit with discomfort. It's slow progress, and we often don't notice things when they slowly happen. Like we don't see how a river slowly carves out the earth unless we look back years, decades or centuries.

Strengths identified in your last post:
1. You maintain the friendships you have.
2. Perseverance: You've said "I try hard" and "I keep pushing and trying anyway"
3. Detail-oriented (evidenced by the Lego)

Idea; can you give me an example of a really important recovery-focused lesson that you've learnt? I'm happy to give you one of mine, if that'll help.

@Captain24 @0ddsidian ohmygawsh you two!! STAHHHP!! I can only blush so much before I am rendered useless ahahaha. Why yes I am strange and unusual!! It is a very fun way to traipse through life in my opinion 😉

@Captain24 please try to be gentle with yourself as you are trying to be more social - the 'tism means a more rigid nervous system (hence our penchant for ROUTINES) which means it's normal for socialising to perhaps take a lot more out of you than expected. I reckon your body simply isn't used to it - far more likely than anything to do with your qualities as a person.

Because, I know you pretty well now, and it's like how 0ddsidian was saying about you not really being the one to decide whether or not you're worth getting to know - and I'd definitely say you are. I've really enjoyed getting to know you, so I reckon others will too 😊

Have I posted this one already? lol anyway found it this morning and it seems eerily relevant!

I need to learn this balance thing @0ddsidian. I will keep trying and try and give myself some slack. No promises though! 😂

I do prefer written stuff, it can easily be misinterpreted but also when I talk it can be misinterpreted as well. I say the wrong things at the wrong time with the wrong tone. I always get nervous before I speak.

There isn’t much to me though. I don’t have a lot to offer. I guess I put myself down before anyone else does. It’s easier coming from me than being rejected. Rejection is a huge problem for me. I don’t cope with it and I see it in places that I shouldn’t.

I guess the slowly thing is pretty right. I feel like I have improved a little since I started in here but it’s been 4 years I think. So I guess it’s really slow.

Thanks for pointing them out. I don’t see the good things or recognise them.

I don’t know about recovery-focused. My psych did rescripting of a memory. That was interesting but it took the sting out of it. I don’t know if that’s what you are looking for though.

I am trying but not enjoying it @Jynx. I just don’t like being around people. I guess that’s the ‘tism too. Lots makes so much more sense now that I know.

Anything social and I’m wrecked. I never know what to say and just look stupid. I always end up saying the wrong thing. I organised that catch up with the facilitator when she had a long day at work so I could shorten the time! Smart thinking! 😜

Thank you for saying that I’m worth knowing. I think we do have a good relationship and understanding of each other. Maybe I’m not as bad with some people.

Totally.. how many times have I actually said ‘I just can’t function’ I say it on here all the time!