AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

Yeah. It’s really loud @0ddsidian. Really loud. That’s part of the reason I’m not confident. I get the feelings aren’t facts but it’s really hard right now.

Im guessing I’m going to have to work out the hormone thing. She does know about the perimenopause but wasn’t concerned.

Not overly optimistic but I do agree that I’m giving it a go and preserving to wait and see. So I guess it’s kinda optimistic with a defeatist attitude. Oops…

I don’t do to bad with housework. I haven’t done any this break but I usually do it about every 3-4 days. My house is only 4 years old so it’s still relatively new and I like to try and keep it nice. Plus if I’m not careful it’ll get way out of control

I hear you, @Captain24. One of my biggest frustrations in life is that I know information "in theory", but I find it difficult to live by it or action it. So we can KNOW that feelings aren't facts but still find it hard to use that knowledge easily.

Most people with uteruses who have ADHD have to figure out the hormone / meds balance at some point. I have friends who are prescribed to take different amounts at different times of the month. I personally don't do that (because I'll forget and my hormones are wacky already) so I use different non-medical strategies and just give myself even more compassion during that particular week ❤️ But I've worked with my doctors about this, so I'm glad you and your doctor have discussed this.

I won't come at you with the toxic positivity or anything, I promise 😂. It's SO clear that you're really giving it a go. It's unrealistic to be positive all the time, or even consistently. We can get more consistent with practice, but we'll still have those moments, days or whatever. I personally don't even see it as a "defeatest attitude". It just sounds like you're a realistic optimist who has had some rough stuff happen in your life and that you're really working on your wellbeing. So basically you're a human.

I'm DESPERATELY trying not to be too positive, but you really sound like housework and "keeping house" can be an area of strength for you. Legit impressed!

Sometimes when my psychologist says it I just sigh at her. Depending on the sigh she just says I guess this isn’t the right time! @0ddsidian We have a really good working relationship. I need her right now though but she isn’t back from holidays until November.

My hormones are all outta whack anyway with this whole change of life thing. My periods are really irregular and I’m really emotional at any time. Like right now I’m crying over nothing and have been crying a lot. It’s hard to know what’s adhd, what’s asd, what’s bipolar, what’s iron deficient and what’s hormones. I feel like it’s all a mess! I’ve got leeway in my meds so I can see what works. I can go from one tablet 3 times a day up to 2 tablets 3 times a day so there is heaps of room in there.

I struggle with positivity 95% of the time. I know that’s normal but it’s hard to switch it. Even when I’m being positive I still find a way to see it in the negative. Hence the defeatist attitude!

Housework is commonly a strength but it has to be done in routine or I can’t do it at all. The same things have to follow each other. Any change and it doesn’t get done and I have a meltdown. It also has to be written on a list or I can’t do it either. This break has been really hard for me and even with my lists I struggled. But there is a lot going on medically and I feel like a lot going wrong on here and this was my safe space.

On my good breaks I can seem to accomplish a reasonable amount as long as there is a list!

At least she's got a bit of a sense of humour, @Captain24. Mine does too. Really glad that you have a good working relationship with her. It's so sucky when the timing is bad, and they go away while you're having a rough time. We've just hit October now, so hopefully it doesn't feel like too far away.

Hormones are WILD. I know your brain wants to have a clear black and white answer when it comes to why you're feeling things, but most of those things are gonna be so smushed together that it'll be hard to ever know EXACTLY why. I try to look at my brain as a whole; not separate pieces or diagnoses. Otherwise it's exhausting haha I'm glad there's some wiggle room for you with your meds.

Being "positive" is definitely not easy. It does take practice. I assume you've never done the groups that we run at SANE, but one of the little activities that is sometimes done is something called the "3 Good Things" activity. People are asked to list three good things that they've seen, done or experienced in the last 24 hours, and we encourage people to do it every day. The focus is on listing the things that we often forget or overlook. So we don't say things like "I'm grateful for the roof over my head" because that usually comes to our minds easier. It could be things like:
- A pretty new flower is blooming in my garden.
- My partner has organised a double date for us.

- I got out of bed at a reasonable hour (for me) today and didn't feel rushed starting work.

This slowly stretches and changes our brain so that it's easier to see the positives. It doesn't mean you won't see the negatives but it makes it easier to see the positives. Wanna give me three for you? (I lowkey get secondhand joy from hearing other people share their 3 good things)

Please share your wisdom on how you've built housework into your routine! Do you just use pen and paper for a list, or is there another way you keep track of stuff?

She is amazing. @0ddsidian. It’s only 5 weeks to go. I really need her now but at least I’ll be able to tell her that I’ve been working through it!

Yes definitely black or white. I don’t do this grey stuff! I kinda want to know which one so I can work on it. If I had a definitive answer I could focus on that and work through why it’s happening but alas I just have to figure it out!

Nah… I’ve never done the groups. I have heard of the three things though. At hospital they make us go outside and find three things, whether it’s the flowers, the birds in the trees or whatever else.

I’ll try.. I was at work so I guess it’s a bit hard.

1. I was in the machine I wanted to be in.

2. I had a nice lunch. I made it last night.

3. They joy on my dogs faces when I got home and the fact that they took turns in saying hello.

I use pen and paper as I can then physically see them and physically cross them off as they are done. At the end of the day I can see what’s left but I can also see everything that I have done. I also don’t forget anything as, as soon as something pops into my head that I need to do I write it down. It’s the only way I can achieve anything.

I'm sure she'll love to hear about what you've been working on @Captain24!

It does get easier to sit with uncertainty (the grey stuff) over time. Especially once you realise it's something you find challenging. Uncertainty doesn't always equal bad. Uncertainty could also mean POSSIBILITY. We love a reframe 😉

I love the activity of going and finding things, like a scavenger hunt. A nature one is really beautiful.

I REALLY love those three things that you picked! They're "simple" but we often overlook those things. If you feel up for it, I'd challenge you to list another three things, but from the last 24 hours.

I do love a pen and paper. I use the Finch app for my personal list of to-do things. I have another method for work. You sound so good at keeping lists and I'm jealous!

Do you have any other tips / strategies for "getting stuff done"? When I need to do my washing I will put my laundry hamper in the middle of the hallway / walkway, that way I'm more likely to remember to do it and it'll irritate me so much because it's in the way that I'll actually just do the washing 😂

Love the reframe @0ddsidian 🫤

Grey area needs to be something to work on. Maybe my psych can help with that.

That’s sounds really grounding. I don’t think of things like that to do. I guess I could go to the park on my days off apparently no snakes have been spotted yet.

Three things for the last 24 hours… this will be hard. I’ve just gotten home from nightshift and I’m going to bed to do it all again tonight.

but

1. I guess finding the perfect parking spot at the supermarket on the second lap around as it was full.

2. I guess nightshift. I hate it so much but the sky was clear and you could see the stars and the moon was really bright.

3. I’m counting this as a third! I saw the sunrise while at work. It wasn’t great but seeing the sun come up means the shift is nearly over and it lifts my mood a little.

One thing I learnt from my dietitian at community health when I use to see her. You know when you put your dishes in the sink and then fill it up with water and leave it? She said that that is like putting the toothpaste on the toothbrush but not cleaning your teeth. So now o think to myself I need to clean my teeth so I actually then wash the dishes and move it to the next step of drying them.

I also use a lot of self talk. I tell myself ‘just one more thing’ or ‘you got this’ ‘you can do it’ ‘you’ll feel better when it’s done’ stuff like that.

I like leaving the laundry hamper. Last week I washed the same clothes three days in a row as I didn’t get them out of the washing machine! I finally got around to putting them on the line!

Grey areas aren't naturally very easy for people who experience high anxiety (like a lot of Autistic people do). It can get easier though, and maybe your psych can help. I know that people tell us to stop and breath when we're anxious, but that genuinely helps me. It doesn't solve the problem but it helps me get back into "rational brain" rather than "spirally brain".

Wasn't there a scavenger hunt thread on here like last year? Maybe a version of that could be made, but for grounding 😊

Proud of you for doing the three good things again, even though you were off to bed! The parking spot one really got me haha

That's such an interesting hack / reframe re. the dishes. I have never thought of them like that. I'm not great with dishes or my teeth, but I now brush my teeth in the shower and chunk a lot of those self-care tasks together.

Your laundry story really speaks to me. I generally feel at least a little bit of accomplishment when I can actually get clothes onto the line 😂

Grey isn't my colour! 😂 @0ddsidian

I breath when I’m stressed, we’ll try to, and I do find it helps. Maybe there is something for the grey area… don’t know.

Yes @Jynx I think was the scavenger hunt creator. One for grounding sounds good. Then there would be different ideas.

It’s hard to come up with stuff. I did find it challenging. I can’t do the three things for the last 24 hours as it was just nightshift and bed! So the same stars, the same moon and the same sun.

My dietitian put it as ‘you don’t put the toothpaste on the brush and then not brush your teeth. I have found it helpful in some stuff. Teeth isn’t a strong point for me either. I actually have a toothbrush and paste is the shower for when I actually do shower but I also have some on the vanity too. It kinda helps a bit more. I only do my teeth if I’m going anywhere though.

Im glad the laundry resonates. I’m trying really hard to try and stay organised. I’ve done lists for the next few days while I’m off but I’m feeling really tired, it’s going to take a lot of self talk and not listening to that mixed brain that conflicts itself!

Same @Captain24 😂

Just a few moments of some good deep breaths can settle me just enough so I can create a circuit-breaker for my spirally thoughts.

Ahh yes! Of course it was Jynx haha

No expectation for you to come up with three different good things every day. But it could relate to things like your dogs, eating a nice snack, smelling a nice scent, seeing a cool meme etc.

What your dietician said makes a lot of sense in theory. One of the barriers for the dishes for me is the sensory nightmare of lukewarm water (if I leave it too long) and touching the food in the water. Gloves freak me out too. But I don't leave things to soak often. I like that you have a toothbrush in various spots. That's so smart!

What's on the list?