Recovering from a psychotic episode at the moment.

@Bunniekins @rav3n @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5

Celebrate my latest victory with me friends! i slept for just over 7 hours last night. Sure i needed a sleeper half way, for my sleep is still very broken up, but nevertheless making 7 hours like this is making me hope things are soon going to be looking up.

Still pretty dark and gloomy down here, but knowing this is going to be like this for some time yet, and will pass quickest not making a fuss about it. For not heeding/internalising the negativity proceeding from it makes depression more like a sleepy toothless tiger,😖 than that horrible dragon roasting me with each breath.👹

have a great day.

a poem about what is wrong with depression

What is Wrong?

What is wrong,
but that which doesn't belong,
on the throne of my life,
ruling me only ever misery?

What is wrong,
but that which reminds me,
of my past in such a way,
that it keeps hurting endlessly?

What is wrong,
but that which hands me over,
to a reality which only ever hates,
my way of seeing things?

What is wrong,
but that which is not true,
nor love or cares about me,
but is after my good things?

What is wrong,
but those voices always lying,
about my true identity,
comparing me with others?

What is wrong,
but that which drives away,
all love and goodwill within me,
harvesting me bad life instead?

What is wrong,
disposing of those voices,
which only ever crucify,
myself in my suffering?

Hold onto good life when bad life tries to rob you.

@DownMoreThanUp oh DownMoreThanUp i have so happy that you had such a good sleep! that is wonderful 😄 may you have many more. wishing you a beautiful day. love bunxx

@Bunniekins Thanks wishing me that for your wish came true!!!😴

@rav3n @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5 i made almost another 2 hours on top of the nearly seven. Around 8 1/2 hours sleep is something i have not enjoyed for ages!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZrUFWlDTys&list=RDSZrUFWlDTys&start_radio=1

@Bunniekins @rav3n @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5

Yesterday turned out to be the best day i have had for awhile. Sleeping 8+ hours and not as down i have been by late afternoon. Which was great so soon after my psychotic episode

The only spanner in the works turned out to be a (i think only a small) kidney stone keeping me awake till after mid night, and has me up already for a hour fpr it is still sore. Luckily not overly painful, but sore enough not to sleep.🙁

Drinking a lot of coffee. It seems like diuretic fluids work better than just water on its own, though i drink that as well.

Twice in my life time did a kidney stone land me in hospital, once for a whole week. That were big ones, which hurt me like nothing else has ever done in my life has. So very bad that the pain had me vomited violently until the doctor gave me a morphine shot.

However lately kidney quite a few stones have come more frequent, but are much smaller than the first two, and so far i have been able to pass without suffering unbearable pain and the need to be hospitalised.

They still cane though 😥 but keeping the fluids up, hoping it will pass soon, and my kidney does not get infected.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WJoDQ5okLo

i haven't had kidney stones myself but i have heard how painful they can be. hoping the soreness reduces as you get more fluids in!!

and yayyy for more sleep!!✨ @DownMoreThanUp

@rav3n Thanks for the well wishes. i hope i might have passed the stone into my bladder, for the pain has basically become merely sensitive spot where the stone hurt me most last night. Luckily it was only a small stone, now still pee it out, that might still cause some discomfort.

As you say keep the fluids up.

@rav3n @Bunniekins @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5

Things have been picking up for me the last 24 hours. My depressive mood has passed, as has the kidney stone, and still no more hallucinations or voices, but rather a mind that has grown quiet and reflective.

Feeling much more ready to take on the world again.💪

Thanks for caring.👋

yay!! glad to hear you've been feeling a bit better @DownMoreThanUp hoping things continue to get brighter for you. take it one step at a time 💙

@rav3n @Bunniekins @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5

i have been doing exceptionally well recovering this time, although my psychosis was very intensive and brought up a lot of trauma memories.

The last few days i have been sleep for around 7 hours over just two sleeps, the best i have done for ages. And feeling well. Sure still very reflective and sensitive about everything, but feeling in charge. This morning when i got up at 3 am, after 4 1/2 hours sleep, i still felt fine, but after going back to bed at 5.30am, i awoke feeling miserable at 8am.

A pain, for i had dare hoped the reprieve would last longer, yet now i have been struggling with these horrible tensions that make me shake all over, and bring on a lot anxiety feeling i lost all my good life again, and things will never change for the better.

i know, such an old crappy song of doom stuck in my head, i hate it a lot, but i know i have to sit it out once more. For my emotions are fickle, and my good life is blown away as easy as the wind when i trust them. i will never trust my emotions to speak true about my identity and have me again deny to be who i really am at heart.

Stand up and Walk.
Why hurt my dearest sad one in me?
why so disquieted and anxious to be?
Please put you hope in the truth of love
share love the truth of your inner misery.
For loving true will certainly set you free.
Providing comfort now hidden to see.
For true love Alive inside you again to be.

So no matter if you are now badly beat.
Do take heed you hurting life so very deep,
Pleased take up your bed and walk away,
from the place you are now forced to stay.
Slaying that lying tongue with truth's sword,
has walk freely out of that kangaroo court.

Depression captivates with lies breeding our truth's misery

@rav3n @Bunniekins @Dimity @RiverSeal @holdinghope5

i have had a bad day today. A lot of trauma memories and therefore anxiety, it has been hard holding on. i feel like crying but i'm scared to.

Going to have to hang in waiting for this low to pass. I've been down since yesterday afternoon, but the anxiety and memories never started till this afternoon.

i also have had voices in my head. Whole conversations between two people inside my head. So tiring trying to ignore them when i'm down. The memories must have triggered them, for this is the first time i have had voices since my psychosis.

i hope me laying low, and not believing what i hear is going to be enough to find some peace back soon, for i know that sleep is going to be hard to find, especially with the voices.