Recovering from a psychotic episode at the moment.

@DownMoreThanUp hey DownMoreThanUp we are here for you hun. take good care of yourself. have fun shopping 🙂 love bun x

I am really glad you are feeling better @DownMoreThanUp

good focussing on something for your daughter

💙🙏😀

I have just had a rocky 24 hours. I really struggle asserting myself in relationships. But I had a good visitor, doing better myself.

glad you have the wonderful @Bunniekins @supporting you.

take care both of you

🍎🍏

@Appleblossom aww thank you Apple xx

hey @DownMoreThanUp @Bunniekins @Appleblossom @Dimity hope your Tuesday goes smoothly 💙

@rav3n thank you rav3n hoping your day is full of kindness xxx

@Dimity @tyme @rav3n @DownMoreThanUp @Bunniekins

Feeling all my chakras are battered at the moment. I really try to defuse, understate, and not catastrophise, or get into delusional states, but I am extremely vulnerable at the moment.

Even though I posted yesterday about being laid back and organised about meal preparation, I had a panic attack in the supermarket cos I couldn’t find the garlic, I got over that, came home and started cooking but got upset that I didn’t have enough potatoes for the meal, so walked to my closest supermarket bought some more so I went to the supermarket 3 times for a silly soup. A friend asked me to make one for another friend, and they are both used to much higher standard of living than me.

my desperate people pleasing need, and fear of never living up to middle class standards in the

Dont be fooled by my veneer of confidence it is very very thin. I struggle internally a lot.

It has healthy spices for wholistic healing as my friend has a really delicate gut. She is 85 and still recovering from pneumonia. I will deliver it soon, and be back home as I have to facilitate a zoom tonight. I have to go to a Funeral tomorrow and am busy Thursday and Saturday. To ease commitments as I am not well, I have arranged for someone to stand in for me playing the organ on Sunday. Last Sunday I had a minor event and expressed suicidal ideation at church when someone complained in a mean way. I am just at zero tolerance for any more straws on the back of this old grey mare.

Once I get triggered like this it seems everything can set me off. Christian churches can be hard work. Sorry to blurt, but trying to be true, not masking.

Thank you for sharing this, lovely - no masks needed here. @Appleblossom

It sounds like you are giving so much of your energy to so many different things... then you add the pressure of people pleasing and it's no wonder you're feeling overstimulated! I really, really get that feeling of 'once I am triggered, everything sets me off'. It's like the body goes into self-protection overdrive and unless you have the space to soften, it can be hard to fully regulate, can't it?

In saying this, it has me wondering, what do you really need for you right now? 💛

@Appleblossom i truly feel for you my dear. Been so very often where you must be now. i know the best way to heal is to stop belieiving what YOU think other people think of you, or what you to believe other people want you to be like.

All such inner ' self talk' makes you untrue to who you really are, that is way you feel so bad when this is happening to you. i have suffered like yourself very deeply down there overcome thinking like so.

In The End all that matters is what Jesus thinks about you. And shall i tell you something beautiful my dear sufferer? God loves you to come to Him when your burdens are heavy, for not only can Jesus lighten the load, He is all EARS to hear you share your pain with Him, that is if you dare believe His love for you!

This is how i got out of those horrible anxious times you are going through at the moment. Feeling completely swept away by demands you can not ever meet and found my identity solely in Him and i have not suffered from any image problem ever since being who i really am. So much comfort in that let me assure you.

i share you a poem i wrote about such times maybe it help you.

Darkness Reigning,

When wicked voices are really close,
then darkness got me by the nose.
"Where is your truth" they mockingly sneer,
casting nets spreading doubt and fear.

Isolation is their jail of presence within,
trading my weakness so i will not win.
See how they enjoy my every fall or slip,
as my fallen reality is their strongest grip.

Building in my mind their own life form,
so depressed deeply is my daily norm.
Now see them fight to retain their place,
trying to keep away any love or grace.

Only showing me their cruel hold inside,
and so me into their slimly pits to smite.
Where deeply influenced by their thrash,
My light of day took an enormous crash.

Yet i remember wicked rule is a short reign,
As my light of day will surely shine again.
When i will find my true self back in the end,
the me Jesus kept when I went around the bend.

Some brief Scriptural teachings that could help you with these matters. i hope such can be helpful. The Balaam teaching might be the best listen to before Christ in you for easiest comprehension.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paK4QguTvwg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsnXXLfTaaw

@Appleblossom first off, hugs. The inner turmoil distractibility and overwhelm of severe triggering I've never quite figured out how best to deal with. Somatic stuff, the breathwork. Shutting down to tackle one task at a time. Taking extra half tablet of meds.

Finding your sanctuary, and experiencing its comfort, whether actual or a remembered or fantasised spot. I did this exercise in a meditation class and the narrative included imagining the scent of lemon peel - I immediately went to my grandmother's garden under the grapefruit tree, which in another season presided over a row of regal lilies. Can you do a quiet sit for a while - a la Richard Rohr?

We're with you,

,

@Appleblossom hey Apple will be here on and off for most of the evening if you need some one to listen. you have always been there for me. its the least i can do to be here for you. love you. greenpea/bun x