How to challenge your negative thoughts

Hi @Lapis_Anteater @Jynx @Shaz51

im in my room He has fallen to sleep.

im trying to ride this strong emotion out

thanks for being here xxx

Hi @J_Oz thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think you've touched on some really important themes around how we are shaped by the 'authorities' in our lives from a young age, whether it's our parents, teachers, etc., or whether it is the culture we are steeped in and the social values and institutions that influence us. Children are basically sponges; even the Greeks thought of children as being clay - to be moulded and shaped. This is why I think critical thinking skills ought to be an essential part of education (not just at tertiary level, but from the get-go), so that we have better agency to make choices about the values we adhere to, without feeling like we have to choose between belonging and our own values.

@BlueBay (Please feel free to ignore this for now and come back to it when you're feeling more settled, if you like)

Sounds like a really intense session, but also really insightful! I like what @J_Oz said about building narratives about our parts, it's something I've been practising too - trying to shift the negative narratives that often revolve around forms of self-rejection (for example getting angry at myself for feeling anxious about something; shifting to trying to be thankful for the anxious part that wants to protect me from pain).

I know that the grief around your dad can feel all-consuming for you hun, especially around this time of year. I don't have words that can make grief go away, but I want you to know that you are heard, and that it's so valid to be continuing to miss him even amongst all the merriment.

Sending hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@BlueBay , how are you going today

Hope you are OK xx

@Appleblossom

Gently Bently hugs @BlueBay for when you are in the mood.

However I also recognise the importance of anger. It has a definite role in being human and understanding threats in our cirumstances.

We are paddling along with you ... coasting up and down those swells ...

@Lapis_Anteater @Jynx @Shaz51 Cooeee

lovely to meet you @J_Oz Love your take on parts and narrative and integration. Feel free to tag me around the forum or check my profile for any theoretical threads that take your fancy. I am heavy on theory and Lived Experience.

Good afternoon @BlueBay,

How are you? 🫶

Re: Your answers to my questions:

It really does sound like trying to be 'perfect' or masking how you feel is what's making work feel so overwhelming... and honestly, this is so understandable. I would feel the same.

What do you think would happen if you explored giving yourself some compassion and grace? Particularly as this is your first time working in 4 years!!

Also, something that helps me when I feel this way is surrendering to how I feel. So, making sure I am doing the role and being polite, but not over-giving more than I have. Often, when I do this, I naturally shift back into a lighter state from an organic connection or conversation, because I am not pushing to change how I feel. Does that make sense?

The flight response and an urge to run also make a lot of sense. It sounds like there is some fear around safety too, which would feel so vulnerable...

I wonder if you could talk to your managers abour your concerns?

That's okay! Is this something you could discuss with your psychologist, to help you differentiate the two? 🥰

hi @Shaz51 @Appleblossom

i am ok thanks. hubby, my daughter and little A and myself went to the city on the train. we thought we would go and see the Christmas windows at Myer but OMG there was a 2 hour wait in line. So we decided not to wait, we lifted little A up and she saw most of the windows. we then went walking around the city and it was nice to see so many christrmas decorations.

back home on the train it was a great ride. hubby is still huffing and puffing; so annoying but i am trying to ignore it although very hard.

i am not looking forward to tomorrow. i am working all day 8.30 - 5.30pm. it will be a long day and my back is already sore so tomorrow is going to be hard on my back. i remember last monday i was in pain when i finished work that it took 3 days to recover.

i really just want to stay home and be alone.

hi @AuntGlow

thanks for your reply and support xx

Reg. work - i did work at this pharmacy about 9 years ago and worked there for 5 years. In 2019 i was made redundant as the new owners didn't want all the existing staff. that was a week before Christmas.

In 2021 i went to work for another pharmacy and during covid i got sick three times in 3 months. I was sacked because i was told i was unreliable even though i had medical and hospital certificates. the manager turned around and said to me 'you really need to sort out your mental health before getting another job'. I did take this pharmacy to discrimination board and a year later i won the case.

Four years home and in May i was asked if i would like to work one day a week 10-3 to which i said yes but then hesitant, due to my mental health.

i think i went off track a bit!!

it does make sense what you're saying. I need to let go of a few things eg. fear of making mistakes, getting things wrong at work.

hi everyone @AuntGlow @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Jynx @Lapis_Anteater @rav3n @tyme

i have been feeling sick with anxiety causing palpitations since Sunday night (after Bondi event)

I am now too scared to leave the house for fear of something terrible happening.

i don't want to go to shopping centres or where huge crowds are which is hard at the moment with christmas around the corner.

i have been hypervigilant lately when out in the public. my psych suggested today that i purchase a small personal alarm to keep in my bag. and to keep my phone in my bag at all times.

i had another horrible traumatising nightmare to which i told my psych and she said it's all the trauma resurfacing. i am seeing her again next tuesday and we are going to write out some checklists for self care and who to contact in crisis over the christmas break.

after next week i don't see her until early January. But i won't be seeing my psychologist until middle of January so it will be 4 weeks and i am already stressing how i will cope.

this time of year is really hard for me and a lot of people. the stress of finances to buy presents, food, drinks, cater for the day. the pressure of what to buy. it's a huge expense although we have cut back with presents this year.

then there's reflection time for me at this time of year and i cry a lot. i look at this year and how christmas is hard. i look at what i am missing and it makes me very sad. i haven't achieved much this year but i was supposed to be at a certain spot in my life but never got there. bit disappointed. feel like a failure, such a fool that i thought i would be somewhere by now and haven't reached it.

hey @BlueBay! it's so understandable that you'd feel anxious following the recent tragedy. it's hard feeling safe when something like that happens, and i hope that with some time, that safety can be regained again. do take your time 💙

you are not a failure for not reaching that 'certain spot'. and it's never too late to keep going. who knows, maybe you'll meet the goal in 2026? recovery is full of ups and downs, and i imagine that you've learnt sooo much about yourself this year. you've leaned onto your supports, worked on coping tools, connected on the forums, got a job, etc!!! i hope you're able to take a moment to celebrate all those steps you've taken this year too 😊

@BlueBay that event has stressed many of us, and the flow on consequences are many. My response is more agitated than worried about another random event, but people are distressed about it and I am concerned that the media coverage is not helping. I looked at a couple of things today, but I dont watch the playback videos, I just try and get necessary basic info with least triggering of me, but yes, sometimes that is hard to manage.

I am not fond of Christmas, for lots of reasons, and keep it very low key.

Take care

@Shaz51 @Jynx @AuntGlow