How to challenge your negative thoughts

Good evening @BlueBay,

That's a very interesting observation on her behalf! I am sure that was quite confronting for you to read... but it also sounds like there might have been some gold in that reflection? The knowledge that a younger part of you can come out when you're feeling vulnerable?

It sounds like she is really trying to understand you and support you.

I think it's incredibly courageous of you to be asking these questions and exploring answers. We are all still learning and growing, even at 60.

I am really proud of you, lovely.

EMDR sounds like a good idea. Would you be exploring it with her?

She sounds wonderful. 🫶

Hi @AuntGlow

I know I’m very lucky to have a psychiatrist that genuinely cares. She’s been amazing. She really gets me. And I’m starting to open up more and more with her.

I also see a psychologist who specialises in EMDR based at my dr clinic. Only started seeing her since August and she’s amazing. My previous psychologist who I saw for 2 years didn’t help at all. I requested her do EMDR many times and she kept saying ‘no I don’t think you need it’.
i definitely needed it.

so yes I will continue EMDR next week but not sure on what area we work on. There are so many areas.

To be honest I’m not really surprised to hear about DID disorder as I’ve thought that for a while but never said anything. but am a bit scared and embarrassed. i did fill out a questionnaire and my psych will talk to me next Tuesday with results.
thank you for your support and understanding. I appreciate it.

I had an interesting night last night. I took my regular med and I kept waking up. Then I tried to get to sleep but it was like I was watching myself in a movie. Going from one thing to another. Weird. Very restless night.

going to visit my daughter this morning. Taking little A to school then doing some Christmas shopping with my daughter.

hope you have a nice day. Xx

Hey @BlueBay thanks for sharing with us, I can totally understand how heavy and overwhelming this potential diagnosis could be. And it's legit that you have maybe considered it before but... having it mentioned by someone else, and a professional no less, can bring it all slamming home, hey.

Funnily enough, this is an area of interest to my psychologist. She works with a lot of people with dissociative disorders, and is trained in IFS - Internal Family Systems therapy. Have you heard of it? I've found it super helpful for myself! It's all about acknowledging that we all have different 'parts' inside us, and that sometimes they don't 'get along', resulting in a lot of internal conflict.

She also got me onto this - it's a theory called 'Structural Dissociation', you can read more about it here. The theory talks about this idea that everyone is born with a fragmented personality (i.e. a separation of our 'parts') and as we develop we become an integrated, singular 'self'. Disruptions to development, like in the case of complex developmental trauma, interrupts this process due to conflicting needs between parts, resulting in a more fragmented and dissociated sense of self.

There's a resulting 'spectrum of dissociation' -

From what my psych says, EMDR is a really great way to help not only understand our younger parts better, but also start to properly process the trauma memories that are 'locked away' with those parts. Or at least that's my understanding!

But yeah, DID can definitely feel like a scary thing to consider, but I think that comes down to the amount of stigma attached, leftover from when it was called 'split-personality disorder'. It's one of those diagnoses that Hollywood just loves to portray in a way that makes it seem scary and dangerous... but it is actually probably more common than people realise!

I hope your EMDR is effective and that you feel safely held and supported during the process hun 🤞💜

hey @Jynx

thanks for your reply. You're right - even though i had a 'feeling' i may have DID hearing it from my psych is a bit more confronting. But when i see her on tuesday i will know more as she will go through the questionnaire i filled out for her.

i need to stop googling as it has so much info and i am getting confused.

today is a rainy day so a quiet day, just resting. hope you have a nice day. xx

Very understandable @BlueBay I'm glad you were able to recognise that you were getting overloaded on info and needed to take that step back. I think for me, one of the really helpful things to research when I first got my ADHD diagnosis was less the clinical stuff, and more just reading the stories of people with lived experience. Like lurking in the ADHD subreddit for example - it was just, so different to be reading and relating to people's stories instead of getting overwhelmed from all the literature. Pretty sure there's a DID subreddit, but this is just food for thought, absolutely not meant to be pressure. You can take this journey at the pace that suits you.

Feel free to check in with the community after your appt on Tuesday if you want a space to decompress/vent or anything 💜

Chill day for me too. Not raining since this morning but I reckon it'll rain over night. Love listening to the drops on my tin roof 😋 Hope your chill day is nice and restful for you hun.

Good evening @BlueBay,

You should be so proud of yourself for opening up. 🥰

Ah, good on you for listening to your intuition here! It sounds like following through with EMDR has been so helpful. Are you learning how to practice in your own time too?

I am looking forward to your updates and hearing more about your journey with all of this.

It seems like you have had an inkling about DID for a while - you seem to be quite intuitive, @BlueBay.

How was visiting your daughter and little A? 😍

hi @AuntGlow

I saw my psych yesterday and after going through my answers of the DID questionnaire she has told me that I don't have DID but definitely have dissociation. We talked about each question and she now understands how i am.

But i still think i have some of the DID

I told her that i am very vulnerable, overwhelmed and emotional and i really struggle with trying to keep positive. We also talked about my health anxiety and how much i panic when not feeling well.

we are going to write up some checklists of my health. for eg. when i feel dizzy what do i need to do.

i saw my dr this morning regarding my BP. it is very high and he can't understand it. he now wants me to do a 24 hr monitor. he told me if it gets to 190/100 or above then i need to go to ED.

I haven't been sleeping very well, keep thinking of my dad and christmas time is always hard for me. i know i have my own children and little A but it doesn't mean i can't be sad for not seeing my dad. i just wish my dr would understand that.

what have you been up to? hope you are well.

hi to @Jynx @tyme @rav3n @Shaz51 and others reading

Hey @BlueBay ,

Please look after yourself. I know this is hard time. I can see you are doing your best.

We're here for you.

thankyou @tyme

it's so so difficult. i'm actually angry tonight with my dr. I saw him this morning and i mentioned that i am emotional, overwhelmed and sad because i am not seeing my dad for Christmas. he replied 'look at what you have and don't let that affect your day'. Easy for him to say, he is seeing his dad for Christmas - I'm not!!

I know i will have my kids over for lunch and it will be a nice day BUT i cannot not think of my dad. I can't let it go. I can't forget him. I will be thinking of him on Christmas Day.

I am feeling so confused today. My psychiatrist prescribed meds for sleep and now my dr says no don't take them. he doesn't agree with a few things. so who do i believe now???

i know my psych is more qualified than my dr. i dont' know if i should email my psych and let her know. i don't want to cause any trouble. i just don't know what to do with his suggestions on my meds.

@BlueBay hey hun - how are you travelling today? Read that your psych reckons it's not DID but you're still feeling a bit unsure. How's it all sitting with you today?

Hugs

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡