How to challenge your negative thoughts

hey @Jynx

I’m confused. I feel that I do have some of the traits but not all. Lately I’ve been dissociating a lot. Just staring into space like no one’s home.
I think I’ll speak with my psych again just to clarify.

I had a very stressful emotional session yesterday with my psychologist. We talked a lot about my inner child. she talked about a type of therapy called IFS. (Internal family systems) So she wants to start with this next week. It’s going yo be very hard and emotional but I will start to talk to my inner child and see what she wants and needs and give you her as now I’m the adult.
she lent me a book to look through called No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz.

Yesterday morning I was in a very helpless and vulnerable state where I was sobbing. I emailed my psych It was a cry for help. After the intense emotion I made a cup of tea and went outside in the garden. She later called me and I promised her I wouldn’t do anything. She totally gets me with the stress of Xmas and not seeing my dad.
she said she is happy to see me this week if I need to.

I told her I want a rest this weekend. Just a quiet one after yesterday’s session.

I hope you are well. Any plans for the weekend? Xxx

home listening to christmas carols

it's a really hard time for some

i know i am one of them

even though i have my beautiful children and little A

i still miss my own family especially my dad

it's a nice day i know

but there is still a lot of sadness, tears and regrets

christmas is all about family

togetherness

lots of food, love and laughter

all i can think of is my beautiful aging frail dad

it's just not the same anymore

and part of it is my fault

i am to blame

only me

@BlueBay I think it's really easy to see diagnosis as 'you are this or that' or 'you either meet the criteria or you don't'... but it is just, never that precise. For example, I think there's quite a few criteria I could potentially meet for BPD; however, I am missing a few of them and so would probably not receive a diagnosis. However, it doesn't mean I haven't benefited heaps from researching BPD and talking to other diagnosed people to hear their experiences. I've even added some DBT skills to my repertoire, and been able to reframe some of my past 'crushes' (i.e. obsessive, bordering on unhealthy levels of infatuation) as being similar to the 'favourite person' concept, helping me to recognise some of the more unhealthy and insecure aspects of my attachment.

Similarly, even if you don't quite meet the criteria for DID, doesn't mean you can't relate to the experiences and benefit from some of the treatments for it - like IFS therapy for example. Doesn't mean you can't strive for functional multiplicity or fusion of your parts (if you don't know what those terms mean I can totally find some links, or share my own understanding), and it doesn't mean you have to completely abandon looking into something that might be helping you to make sense of yourself.

My therapist uses IFS for anyone she reckons could benefit from it, dissociated parts or not! I hope it is as beneficial for you as it has been for me 💜

I haven't read that book! Adding to my list 😋

I'm sorry that it's so hard atm hun, that separation from your dad probably has a sharper sting this time of year hey. I know how much you miss him. I wish I had more to offer than some gentle virtual hugs, but I don't know any words that can make it better. So valid to be feeling this way hun 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Thank you @Jynx 🙏🏻❤️ xxx

hi @Jynx @tyme @AuntGlow @rav3n and others

i dont know what is wrong with me but i am angry.

i work every monday and for the past month i don't want to go. i sabotage everything; i hope that i get sick so i don't have to go in. It's nothing to do with the job or the people i work with - they are all great!! It's me. i am this kid who tries to get out of going. i had to work extra hours today and that made me angry because now my back is so sore and i have a headache.

could it be self sabotage? my inner child having a tantrum? or my inner child crying out for help??

i feel so weird in my behaviour. i ended up emailing my psychiatrist who replied and said she can see me this thursday, to whcih i replied and agreed to thursdays appt.

so much of my child is scared, emotional and worried about seeing her on thursday.

Hello @BlueBay 🫶

It could be all of the above! I wonder if we can become curious about this part... what do they have to say when you are at work and not feeling good? What do they need most in those moments?

I am glad you will be chatting with your psychologist - know that it's okay to experience these parts, you are human.

I get why you are feeling scared, you're exploring vulnerable terrain and being SO honest and open (which is something to be really proud of).

What are your intentions going in?

hi @AuntGlow

thanks for your reply. Good questions, not sure if i know how to answer them?

what do my parts of me have to say while i am at work? - my inner me just wants to be home alone. Don't want to 'fake' myself to be 'happy' for every customer. This is the first time i 4 years that i am working and even harder closer to Christmas. I forget where things are in the store. Yesterday i was alone with the pharmacist all day and i had to ask him a few times where items were because i couldn't not remember where they were. Once i saw them i realised 'of course that's where it is'. so my inner child says to me 'you're stupid, dumb, can't you remember; you're not a good worker' all these negative inner critic shouting at me.

what does it have to say when at work not feeling good? - run!!! get out of there now, just run away and hide.

at times i feel scared that 'something bad' will happen - an attack at the shop; abuse by a horrible customer; a break in from the back of the store (which can easily happen)

And now i am in pain because i worked a longer shift yesterday my back is so sore. i had trouble sleeping last night which really doesn't help my mental health.

@AuntGlow not sure if this makes any sense. i sometimes feel that i am saying things on here as two different people - me the adult and me the child. and at times i don't know which one is who.

hi everyone

@AuntGlow @Jynx @tyme @rav3n @Shaz51 @Ru-bee and others reading -

so today i went to drs to have the 24 hour bp monitor put on.

i have been home all day and i am going crazy. literally!!

i have done all the housework by 9am this morning as i was awake at 5am. i am going crazy, trying to occupy myself is really difficult. i have been outside in the garden; tried to watch a netflix movie; had a coffee; eaten quite a bit; i am totally bored, unmotivated and cannot do anything that will help me feel ok. i have dissociated quite a bit outside today; i even tried to read a book before outside but that didn't work.

what else can i try? today is a really bad day

Hi @BlueBay

This is my first contribution so I am a little intimidated and concerned that my comments will not be expressed in the manner of my intention. But I assure you that I care for you and my intention is only to support you during your troubling experience.

Through reading the text stream, I understand your plight as being burdened by anxieties that are being triggered by memories of the past and missing your dad during Christmas. Is this what you are saying? And whilst being burdened with this anxiety and tge loss of sleep, you must try to mask this diminished internal state whilst you attend your daily responsibilities; such as work?

When you experience these thoughts, are you able to link the events amd triggers to your past? Is this what you mean by being in dialogue with your "inner child"?

Please excuse my attempt to understand you, if what I have said was worded poorly or not in accordance with the community forum standards.

Kind regards

J.

hey @BlueBay!

oh wow, you got so much done in 4hrs!!! feeling a bit under-stimulated hey? it's hard when that bored feeling hits, and there's that restlessness that comes with it.

hmm well when i'm bored, i like to play games. something that makes my brain focus and work for it. in the past, i've played card games on my phone, or done word searches/Sudoku, puzzles, etc. or i'd catch up with a friend, go for a drive to a new place, etc. it's like i needed something 'new' to feel recharged... is there anything new you could try?

i hope you're able to take a few deep breathes too. 💙