How to challenge your negative thoughts

Hi @AuntGlow that’s a hard question
one thing to let go would be my inner critic. My negative self putting me down ALL the time.

not a good day. Had a nightmare last night of my dad passing. It’s the second nightmare like this. I won’t Jo into detail as it may trigger others.
you know I’m thinking now that I won’t be notified when something happens to my dad. That’s it I’ll never see him again.

why am I the one that ruined the family.
my mother will make sure I don’t see my dad and not attend his funeral when the time comes. I know what she’s like - horrible horrible person - who is supposed to be my mother. My mum. Why?
I better stop otherwise my anger will explode. And then sh will happen.
I so do want to sh because of the pain.

Hey @BlueBay I'm hearing that this nightmare has brought up some very hard feelings. I'm also hearing that you've got a good awareness of your emotions at the moment and that you're starting to have some SH urges. What are some things that you find helpful when these thoughts arise? Do you have any go-to strategies?

Hi @Ru-bee

no strategies at the moment. I’m so sad teary and just want to numb it all

maybe I should go to bed but I can’t sleep so no point

maybe go for a drive - but where would I go

maybe sh right now is the only way I can numb all this pain

I’m supposed to work tomo wish I didn’t have to

seeing my psychologist in the morning before work - no point just more tears

How are things feeling today @BlueBay? Are you at work?

hi @Ru-bee i did end up going to work but later as i had a psychologist appt. it was a very very hard emotional session.

i have been very upset tonight thinking about today's session. we talked about my horrible mother and my dad.

my psychologist said that 'my mum is the worst she has ever heard of'.

and she really understands why i am so emotional and not coping. i am grieving for the loss of a nice supportive mother and the loss of not seeing my dad.

i am crying tonight. i just want my dad, i just want to talk to him - but i can't

my psychologist has suggested that i write to my dad in a journal and keep it. maybe light a candle for him.

grief is horrible, i can't explain the pain i am in; the hurt; the horrible emotional and mental abuse from my mother.

its too painful to say, i just don't know how to keep going

Good evening @BlueBay,

I totally hear you on the inner-critic front... it sounds like this part of you is working really hard to protect you. What do you think this part might need to soften?

This nightmare sounds like it was really triggering for you. I am so sorry that this is the second time you have had this dream. Have you talked with your supports about this at all?

What you have experienced with mum sounds incredibly painful - your anger is so valid here.

Do you have safe ways to express your anger at all? I think being able to channel and process it would be really helpful. Because it truly is so understandable. I hope you have an opportunity to see your dad again, I can see how much it would mean to you. 💛

hi @AuntGlow i did speak to my psychologist last friday about the nightmares. we talked about 'how would i feel if i didn't find out my dad passed away' - to which i replied that i would be very very angry. i don't know how i would cope but i would go to the cemetery and talk to my dad there without my mother stopping me.

i haven't been feeling very well. i have diverticulitis and i think i am having a flare at the moment. i got an appt with a dr (not my regular) and asked for a blood test to check my inflammation markers. i am going away next week with hubby and i dont want to be sick or end up in hospital while i am away. seeing my regular dr this wednesday so he will have results by then.

i don't have any planned things that help me with regards to my anger towards my mother. I was quite teary on friday. i try to distract myself eg. go outside and water; crochet or watch a movie. but sometimes its hard to even do that because i am so angry. i just can't understand how a mother can treat their daughter the way mine has. it's actually cruel.

hope you are well; how was your weekend?

hi @Ru-bee @rav3n @tyme and others i have missed

My dad

Lately I fear that I won’t see you again

im stuck in a rut of guilt shame and anger and more sadness and tears

im not coping without seeing you

I have to learn to cope

I often think of you wondering what you’re thinking

just pick up the phone dad

call me

mum doesn’t need to know

do it when she goes to the shops

I can’t call as mum always picks up the phone

anyway it’s too late I’ll never see you again

just hope you know how much I care and love you

but you prob believe what mum tells you. all those lies about me.
you’ve always done what she says never standing up for us or yourself.

Just know I love you and one day I will see you again. I’m so sorry that mum has kept us apart and we’re both not strong enough.

Hey @BlueBay, here with you. I'm sorry you're going through this and have lost this but I hope being able to express yourself like this offers some small relief.

We're here for you

Hey @BlueBay, here with you. I'm sorry you're going through this and have lost this but I hope being able to express yourself like this offers some small relief.

We're here for you