I am not doing so well

@Zoe7 I am just been anxious for a while now. And that liquid medication is starting to make me feel really sick. Sorry I just had a phone call. I have been on my exercise bike just before for 20mins- I think that has added to my upset stomach.

How are you zoe?

Bugger - is the liquid medication helping at all - don't want you feeling sick! @oceangirl

Anxiety sucks - could be adding to your stomach ache also

Other than your stomach ache and anxiety - how are you doing tonight? When do you have your hospital assessment?

I'm ok tonight. More awake than earlier today and not feeling as sick anymore - antibiotics are working finally! Nearly forgot the chemist closed earlier today and had to rush there before my sister picked me up - made it there and back in time!

I had not been sick like this for a while- I took my liquid medication about 9pm and I have been feeling worse the last 30 mins @Zoe7

Anxiety is the pits that is for sure- I just try to combat with some exercise- I did push it on the bike tonight. My bike at home is a bit different to the one at the gym- my one at home makes me work harder.

I am having it tomorrow at 12noon my time not NSW time- I will not know if I will be admitted until Monday, the reason being the clinical team will not be there until Monday unless one of the managers is there tomorrow, if thats case I may know tomorrow.

I think I might be in there for about three to five weeks depending on the clinical team. I will be asking for all the memory testing when I am in there. I have to think about my goals for treatment and I actually starting to get excited about going back down South.

Has the medication been making you sick the whole time or just recently? Doesn't sound right @oceangirl!!!

It does sound like you are going into the whole hospital thing with a positive attitude - that is really great news for you I really hope they admit you and they do all the memory testing - that would be good to finally have some answers about your memory problems.

Have you got everything sorted eg. Kira - if you go in?

@Zoe7 I think I am doing the right thing to go into hospital and to have some respite and to get some more treatment. I am getting a bit tired and this will hopefully help me move to the next stage of my treatment. I will let you know what is happening when I know what is happening.

@oceangirl I think you have made a really big and brave decision - very, very proud of you

You know yourself and you know what you need and this seems to be the right time and the right move for you.

I hope you get everything out of it that you need and you can start to see the spark coming back within yourself. I hate hearing that you are struggling so much and it breaks my heart to know that you have been hurting the way you have been lately. Here with you sis - walking right alongside you on this journey.

I have no idea why the medication is affecting me- its only been yesterday and today and it seems to be worse tonight @Zoe7

As you know I do feel comfortable down there and I think the break away and also the complete change in environment is good for me. I am hoping they will admit me but there is no guarantees. My gut feeling is that I will be admitted though- we will see what happens.

I think being in there and having no sugar will be good for me, I will have to get my diet back on track in there and that makes me feel better. I am even starting to think whos group they will put me in this time. I generally fly down a few days prior to my admission.

I am hoping to have my memory problem sorted while in there and to any other testing. Fingers crossed I get the nod tomorrow or in the next few days. I miss the people in the hospital.

Oh sh*t - no sugar - that means no 'brown' stuff - how will you cope?????? lol @oceangirl

I have my fingers (and toes) crossed for you - I really hope they admit you.

Have you got somewhere lined up to stay before you go in to hospital - 5 star hotel I presume!!!!

I think it will be great for you to re-connect with some of those people that you trust and get on well with. That should reduce your anxiety a bit straight away.

I've been really good today not thinking about my appointment on Wednesday- trying to keep it out of my mind until the day. I think I have been doing a really good job at pushing it aside so far today - plenty of distractions trying not to expect the worst.

I actually don't miss it when I am in there - I knew you think of the brown stuff straight away and no zooper doopers or junk food. Surpringly I do cope when I am in there but thats a different story when I get discharged and head to the airport lol @Zoe7

I think my anxiety is easing a bit thinking that soon I will be getting some help- that is a good feeling. My parents will look after Kira- I meant to say that but I forgot and I will have a back up plan for Kira too.

I am not sure where I will be staying but it might be a few nights in the city and then across by ferry and stay a few nights over there or I may wait and stay somewhere on my discharge. I will still need to fly down the night before because I generally have to be admitted around 1pm and I don't have enough time to get down there for that time because of daylight saving.

Because of the recent expansion of the hospital they will have added another group and another therapist- I am looking forward to seeing everyone again- a few staff members really helped me a lot whilst I was down there. I did some good work too.

You might be surprised on Wednesday and may not be as bad as you expect- just remember she is there to help & support you. You will do great on Wednesday!!!!!

NO ZOOPER DOOPERS arghhh!!!!! @oceangirl

So glad your anxiety is easing a bit - it does make such a difference when something positive happens.

I just read that your Mum has been in hospital again! Is she ok? That is such a stress for you - I know how much that affects you xxx Will she be home soon? So sorry that your Mum has been so unwell again xxx

I am going into Wed with however I am feeling on the day. If I don't think I can cope then I will let her know straight away and if we do start and I want to stop then I will let her know that also. I am getting much better at letting her know exactly how I am and she doesn't push me any further then. I know I have to do this but it really does have to be under my control and when I can deal with it - otherwise it affects me too much and that is when I spiral downwards really quickly. Baby steps hey!!!!