Tillogram

@Till23 I think I probably meant a bit of both, but that is probably due to my own bias - most autistic people I know also have some kind of attachment trauma, and could easily meet the criteria for C-PTSD. I definitely don't mean to totally conflate the two though!!

I think I'm with you on the small talk thing - like it's not a painful experience for me, but if I'm unable to use it as a leaping off point for deeper topics (due to context or depending on who I'm talking to) I tend to become restless easily.

I dunno if being unable to relax is exclusively an ND trait but I think it's common, particularly for ADHDers. I imagine for folks with C-PTSD it's not uncommon either, because there's often a lot of internal conflict that can make it hard to just sit with our thoughts.

How's your day been anyway?

Hi @Chasingsunsets and thank you for your post.. Hope you are having a lovely weekend and continue to do so.. I haven't heard this expression "powering up"..

I think I know what you mean by it though.. Do you have strategies for powering up ?

Thank you for reaching out and tracking me down, I appreciate it. I am not on the forums a lot thouhgh, and it might take me a while to respond.

I have a sports thing tomorrow. I have to get up very early tomorrow morning to get there in time. Of course my team is on at the beginning and it starts very early!

Hi @Jynx thanks for that explanation.. That's an interesting observation about autistic people and attachment trauma..

I have participated in small talk, probably like everyone often does, it's good for breaking the ice and learning a bit about people.

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I might regret this post and edit it so it's more benign.

I hope you are not draining your batteries with this extra work while tyme is awy.

Honesty, even negative honesty, is so welcome here @Till23 I am glad you feel like you can be vulnerable here.

I can absolutely relate to that trapped/unable to relax feeling. It can become all-consuming at times, and the internal conflict between feeling both restless and frozen is really hard to sit with. I think sometimes for me, SI will hit during those moments I feel most trapped - my brain is seeking any way of escaping my circumstances, and with extreme feelings comes extreme measures of dealing with them. I think my brain at one point formed a habit of reverting to those thoughts during times of intense duress, so it would become automatic even if I knew logically it wasn't something I was actually considering. Can be very painful and scary to sit with, that's for sure.

Sometimes with helplines, even if I don't think the actual conversation is going to do anything to change my circumstances, I know that heightened emotions always fade with time, so it can always be a backup option to consider - even if it's just a way to get closer to bed time without having to sit alone with your thoughts. No pressure of course, just food for thought.

You have nothing to apologise for. What's that saying, a burden shared is a burden halved? If it helps you to get it off your chest, then it's nothing that needs an apology. You may of course edit to your heart's content if that will help reduce anxiety - it can be overwhelming to feel 'exposed' when we're open about how vulnerable we are.

I am happy to flick you an email to help you safety plan and stuff if that's needed at any point tonight hun - you just let me know 💜

interesting

@Jynx , @Till23 , @Chasingsunsets , @AlwaysMyself

I have always had trouble with conversations, what to say

I am better at small talk, so I don't make mistakes

in my mind have so much to say but I know I am about finished what I am writing here

Thanks for your prompt response @Jynx.

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I better be heading to bed because its now less than 8hrs before I need to get up.

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Thanks for chatting.

Waking up a lot starts to get a bit distressing hey @Till23. I know once I'm frustrated it is that much harder to try to get back to sleep.

I wouldn't call anything about your situation 'laziness'. I think because modern society equates our worth with our ability to be 'productive', it's really easy to label a lack of activity/motivation as being lazy - but in my experience, it's far more often a result of being overwhelmed, overworked, or overloaded. A quote I saw recently was "If it were laziness, you'd be having fun", which really stuck with me. Sitting frozen whilst my brain screams at me that I 'should be doing something productive' is definitely not fun.

I think avoidance is so often perceived to be a negative trait, but I've been learning more and more that dissociation is how our brains protect us from being completely overcome with what we're feeling. Dissociation allows us to 'escape the tiger' even though we might be in paralysing levels of fear... if that makes sense. It makes sense that your survival brain made a habit of it whilst enduring abuse. And it'll take time to gently re-wire those responses to be more in line with what is helpful to where you're at in life now. For now though, there's no shame in coping in the ways you need to.

I hope you get some uninterrupted snoozles hun, and that tomorrow ends up filling your cup a bit 😊🤞

Goodnight hun, always enjoy connecting with you 💜

@Shaz51 interesting... do you ever wish you were able to share more? Definitely a safe space to do so here on the forums (but absolutely never any pressure) 💜

Hi @Till23 big apologies for late response I just wanted to acknowledge your msgs while I am on my break, big hours today.

I really hope you are able to rest tonight and tomorrow goes well. I know you love your sport normally.

Christmas for me is something I also struggle with greatly. Sorry this isn’t a good time of year for you as-well. I wonder if this is the cause for your mood becoming lower at the moment?

What kind of topics do you like discussing? I do love in-depth discussions and just getting curious about things 😊

hehe oh yeah ‘powering up’ I love using analogies to express how I am feeling, esp during this December Jan period definitely more rest, sleep ins or naps, reduce my lists reduce extra hours I take on at work are some of the things I do ☺️ I’ll have a think though of what else I may do! I feel like even though I have suffered with MH issues for a loooong time I probably don’t have as many skills or answers as I should but hey all good just a small observation I guess.

No stress re reply, whenever you are on. Awesome chatting and I really hope tomorrow goes better than you thought it could 🙏

Yes @Jynx , I do wish I can share and write more than I do most times but something seams to stop me