Tillogram

Hi @tyme it seems like a while since I chatted with you.. I hope you have been well..

I feel that there is no point "waiting for something to happen" because that is not going to happen.. I realise that the only way things will change is if I actively pursue change..

So I feel my choices are; I can just keep thinking that and have a pretty miserable rest of life, or I can try to change my situation. I suppose the worse I feel the more desperate I am for change and so the more I pursue. It's probably a bit chaotic. I don't think I have made a lot of progress I am just trying different things.

I hope you are not too busy and having a chance to have some down time. I read you are about to go somewhere overseas. Is that work related or just for fun this time?

Good evening @Till23,

haha it does feel that way, doesn't it?

😂 I will definitely ask them if that can be considered... what do you reckon @tyme? 💃🎶

I think you are onto something there... it's quite common to be anxious in the morning or at night. Energy levels can fluctuate lots throughout the day depending on dopamine production - there's so many factors!

I know you mentioned potentially getting another fur baby... have you thought about this more? I can imagine this would be really healing for you right now?

A walking group sounds fun!! And how amazing that you can go when you'd like and that you've met some resonent people.

I am so bloody proud of you for asking someone new to hang out! What an amazing way to sit with discomfort and prove to your mind and body that you can handle it - AND that positive results can come from putting yourself out there. 🥰

What style of theatre will you see?

That does sound like a very big week! I wonder if you can jot down in your notes app a few comments about your mood throughout the day - what you were doing and how you felt? It might help you to gain further clarity about your fluctuations.

Ooh, are you allowed to share what the activity was? How did it go?

It really does sound like you're connecting and putting yourself out there, which tells me your capacity has shifted a bit from when we last spoke!

I am so glad sharing has helped - so many wins to celebrate here. 🤩

@Till23 too tired for a full post to you, but i related a lot to it when reading your post re: two directions - stay as is and miserable, or try to change things to see what might help/improve. And the more desperate = more motivated to enact change.

Thinking of you.

Not had much time on forums since getting back on Friday - sleeping, grocery shopping, more sleeping, and now seem to be getting a cold (got to fight it off! Meant to be going to Melb on Thursday for the weekend).

Chat more later when able. You are important to me.

Hey @AuntGlow I hope you are well. It looks like I was typing a response to tyme at the same time that you were writing to me! So we actually said some very similar things..

Even though I also think a dog would be good for me on several levels. I absolutely will not get one before going on an extended trip, as it's just not fair to the dog. To go away for an extended time, will likely cause attachment issues and I know how they can affect you. I have seen my dog become unbelievably depressed when his "sister" that is my other dog, with whom he had lived for 14 years (most of his life) passed away. I actually thought he might die of grief. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't do anything, he just lay in his bed for a couple of months. So I cannot do it.

Yes I am pretty happy with myself that I reached out. I think I sort of thought, what have I got to lose compared to, what have I got to gain. Sometimes when you are very depressed it's difficult to see (or think) that there can be an upside and you concentrate only on the negative. Cognitively I am able to notice and understand these things, even though psychologically it can be difficult.

I am going to see a musical, so that will be upbeat, a friend actually in Melbourne, said she really enjoyed it, so that motivated me to get tickets.

The other thing I did was try out pickleball! Hopefully, if we can find a time some of the people in the group may try and play again.

I do keep a bit of a refective "journal" type thing about things that have been happening. I am fairly aware of things that increase my mood, but it's the sustaining the good mood, or contentment that is the problem. I do have PTSD so there are intrusions that I cannot control.

I wrote a whole lot more in here, but decided not to put it on forum, but have copied for further reflection.

I feel the reasons for circadian fluctuations in mood I have considered and explained in post above to tyme.

I was watching a movie called "One Life" while I was writing my response. It is an amazing film based on true life story and showed how much difference one person with dedication and passion can make. Of course it's a story about an extraordinary person in extraordinary circumstances and most people would not even be in a position to achieve a tiny fraction of what was achieved, but to me I feel it's good to have something to aim for.

I think I have achieved some things in my life which have been helpful for other people and that is I think why I find retirement so hard because I have to find the thing I can achieve now. I am trying with volunteering and lived experience roles, and stuff for my club, but I feel I have the capacity for more, but I am not doing it for some currently unknown reason. I feel I have to push that envelope more.

Sorry long post.

Hi @AlwaysMyself please don't feel any pressure to respond. It's lovely to see you back and I have seen some of your lovely posts on other threads.

I totally understand the huge backlog of things you have when getting back from a trip, having done it in middle of year and getting a cold at the same time! I can definitely empathise.

Hope you recover quickly and are still able to get to Melbourne

Hello lovely! @Till23

How are you feeling today? Many apologies for my delay - there has been so much going on this week. I just moderated the sleep webinar, did you manage to pop in at all?

I understand what you mean about leaving a new fur baby alone for an extended period, that would be really hard. I think your approach to wait until the right time is coming from a very compassionate and loving place. You're a good egg. 🫶

I completely understand what you mean. I believe that your body will catch up to your mind, especially when it feels more consistent safe connection. When are you going to the musical? How exciting! 🤩

Pickleball sounds so cute hahah is it kind if like tennis?

I hear you and I understand what that is like... sustaining good feelings is hard. The brain is complex. Sometimes I wish we could just relish in hedonism without worrying about anything else. But alas, we have jobs and places to be, and we are very much wired for survival above all else - so it makes sense why our heavier feelings are naturally more prominent. My understanding is that if we allow heavier feelings to be there without attaching to their 'meaning', then we can rewire our brain to experience more joy. I am trying to work on this at the moment. What are your thoughts on this concept?

I am glad you saved the rest of your post for reflection.

Ah, I love that so much. What resonated with you most? Was it the notion of having something meaningful to work towards?

Well, it sounds like you know there is something more out there for you, but you're still figuring out what that looks like (and that's okay). I do get the sense you are on your way with all of the intentions you have been sharing with me.

I am excited to see where you go next. 💖

Hi @AuntGlow nice to hear from you, you seem very busy. I actually just posted a question in the webinar thread because I signed up for it, but I got the time incorrect and it clashed with sport training so missed it.

Musical is on this weekend.

Yes tennis is the thing that is closest to pickleball, except the racquet is a solid paddle, the ball is plastic and the court is smaller and the rules are not easy, but it's fun.

That's an interesting perspective on feeling joy. I have not heard of that one before.

I do know that I pretty much always feel better after exercise, which will be due to release of natural endorphins.

I hope you get a chance to have a bit of stillness after all your running around lately and get to refill your cup.

What are you studying?

@Till23 😊 (in leui of my support button not working to your post tagging me).

I am on my way to Melbourne today, after 3 days of bedrest. The bus is sooo full; squishy. Hopefully not too uncomfortable. At least the second half is a train ride. I always feel sprry for the person next to me in a bus/plane cos im wider than the narrow seats (even my shoulders are! And im a female?! But im also pudgy).

Super good to hear about the increased ideas of the service in how to use your lived experience! 😊🥰 of course always assuming that their ideas are in line with what feel right for you too 😊.

I too have a constant struggle between being able to just look after myself and try to find joy, but also feeling the pressure (and instinctual want) to work / support myself and help others. (Helping others is less draining that working though, do i think there is a clue to it abit in there for me). The upcoming few months will be an "interesting" time for me on decisions around this for next year. Im a bit torn as to what to do currently, but still waiting to know all the options (maybe know next week?)

Take care my friend. 😊

Oh bugger!! That's okay, there will be a recording! @Till23

How was sport training?

That actually does sound really fun. I would play because I like a good skort. 👀😂

I always feel better after movement too - that is why I like going to hot pilates/yoga. It helps me to release and then find more balance. Speaking of...

Perhaps a balance could be helpful here? Hedonism meets altruism? 🤔

Hmm... it sounds like that is quite a soul-led purpose for you?

That is SO cool and exciting, I am looking forward to hearing more about it!! It seems like the universe is answering some of your desires.

Thank you! I am doing a grad cert in counselling, then if I pass that, I will do my masters in psychotherapy. 🫶

Hi @AlwaysMyself sorry for the late response, I have been busy and had some internet problems. I hope you are having/had a good time in Melbourne.

I hope the trip there wasn't too uncomfortable.

Yes I am happy with the ideas of the Lived Experience people.

My work has pretty much been helping roles esp for last 20 years, but now I have shorter hours for my helping stuff.

Are you thinking you may not work next year?

Is that why you are going to Melbourne - a work related thing or just having a bit of a holiday/trip