Tillogram

Hi @AuntGlow @tyme physically I have mostly recovered from my couple of weeks of big physical activity. My knee is a bit of a worry, but not too terrible considering the amount of activity it has been subjected to!

Mentally I am struggling a bit, I thought that the activity would be helpful and it has been but it hasn't had the lasting effect I thought it would.

I think it's because I am going through a period of heightened awareness of aloneness. I'm not sure if that's because I have been with a lot of people lately and now it's back to just me. Or if I see others in close relationships and I don't have that. I also no longer have the distraction of work.

I know I think a lot, I think too much. I have delegated that a bit by asking my meaning of life questions to the forums, it is interesting to see people's responses

@Till23 , I was wondering how you went 🤔

@tyme , @AuntGlow

Hey @Till23 , I'm reading back on all your posts, and I can't stop but continue to wonder whether you feel that by going out for all these events and achievements, each time it gives you a boost, but when things settle down, then things feel pretty average again... until the next 'event' or 'task'. Is that accurate in a way? Please correct me if I'm totally off track. I'm just trying to understand.

Thanks for your response @tyme - Yeah that is pretty accurate..

I am trying to increase my mental wellness by engaging in things such as social exercise, which has been shown to increase mental well-being..

I think it definitely helps at the time and I think there is some residual effects..

I think I am slowly gaining more confidence in social situations and maybe slowly changing my thinking with regard to general self-esteem..

The number one answer (with repect to theme) for my Meaning of life question is human connection, but spirituality and faith also rank highly, then meaningful work.

I have been trying for some time to increase connectedness and especially so since I stopped working which was very meaningful for me.

Hi @Shaz51 how are you going?.

At the Australian Masters Games our team won two silver and one gold medal. The whole team was very happy because we came from a number of different local clubs (I was the only person from my club).

I finished the 7 Bridges walk and raised some money for Cancer Council

So overall good outcomes in the actual achievements

I also caught up with people I'd met before and I become closer friends/acquaintances and met some lovely new people, so it was great from that perspective. Unfortunately, none of the people live close enough to me to see on a regular basis, but we do have big meet ups at least once per year.

For some reason, I can relate so much to what you are sharing.

You've confirmed what I've been sensing and I feel you have taken a huge step in reaching out and connecting with others.

I'm mindful that there have been some instances that have impacted your confidence in reaching out and your feeling of self-worth, but I just want to say I appreciate this huge step you are taking.

Well done to you.

I hope there will be a time when that 'feeling' within you gets filled with something intrinsic. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself.

I'm connecting with this because in the past, I had a huge void within me and the ony way that void was filled was if something happened externally... it look a lot time for me to feel the satisfaction from within, and it took a lot of therapy and introspection.

It's exhausting otherwise @Till23

That's okay!! @Till23 🥰

I am glad it was good, but sad your knee is still achey... that must make things quite uncomfortable? (Coming from someone who has chronic lower back issues, it's the worst when being physically active is your grounding. 🥲)

I understand. It sounds like you're still getting to know this part of you and understand what it needs? And being apprehensive about your new psychologist after your last experience makes sense. What would you like to work on most with them?

I really do get that... I think these things take time? I know it feels heavy and overwhelming to see change occur slowly, but I think it's worth giving yourself a chance to show up/relate to yourself differently. Perhaps starting a journal that focuses on when you notice those newer neural pathways activating could act as a reference point for your progress?

I say all of this as someone who is also working on undoing their core beliefs. It's tough, but you're not in this alone.

PS: I really loved seeing your post! 😍

Yes @tyme - what you are saying is correct. It is quite a common situation in people who have had early life trauma. Usually because this is an attachment trauma that affects core beliefs. It's a large basic part of cPTSD.

I am trying really hard recently to think that I am ok as myself without needing to achieve anything in particular.

Hi @AuntGlow thanks for your response. I think I'll need to get some imaging on my knee as it's possibly not going to heal without some kind of intrevention but it's not terrible (at least I hope not).

Yes, I have to be careful because a lot of physical activity can set off my inflammatory/immune thing, but I try to do as much exercise as I can, without flaring that up.

I am sorry you have lower back issues. I have some back issues, some I can improve by increasing core strength, which I do with my sport a bit, some are degenerative (arthritis) so pretty much have to accept them.

Disconnection has been a long standing thing, but I think I have become more aware of it. I need to settle in a bit with new psychologist before I make a plan I think.

If I don't change my core beliefs I am not going to experience sustained happiness, so I know it needs to happen and I am trying but it sometimes is one step forward, two steps back but overall I think I am very slowly moving forward. Awareness of the thinking patterns has definitely increased so that will be helpful for change. I don't think I am at actual chane stage, at the moment I'm sill at recognition.

Good afternoon @Till23,

It sounds like you are being really proactive. 🫶

Movement really is medicine too, so I think gentle movement (and then more intense movement when it feels okay) is a good balance to strike.

Gah, I feel you...

I think your growing awareness is really positive. 🤩

Yes, I feel the same in many respects... undoing core beliefs is a journey and a half, but I have faith you will get there (you already are because you are always taking steps forward - the proof is in the puddin'!!).

What is one thing you feel has shifted in the last year? 💛