Tillogram

Thanks @AlwaysMyself it was so great to see and be with people from all over Australia participating in their sports.

It's also amazing to see these people (you must be over 40 to participate) in ages that people think their sporting, or even their exercise days are over, show up and compete at these major events. It's so good to see people doing exercise where they get to meet other people, especially for the individual sports. Even in the team sports which are already social you get to meet a wider circle of people.

Maybe we need to have the Mental Health Games - I thought about that a lot when I was there. I don't know if there is anything like that.

How have you been going. Of course I have no idea what's been happening on the forums as I've been pretty busy.

I am so grateful that I have the ability to get out and go to things like this, I know everyone else is not in the same position, so I am so grateful.

I sometimes feel a bit odd on the forums because I think people probably wonder what I'm doing here when I get to go and compete and win medals it probably seems I'm OK. I suppose it underlines that anyone can have MH difficulties, including complex ones.

I think it's great that you get out and go - sporting and other things. 😊 I think its an important part of maintaining wellbeing. And by no means in and of itself means you can't or don't struggle too! I've never seen your sport involvement as incongruous with complex MH challenges.

I think the idea of a MH games/sport meet would be fun. 😊. I was pleased to see that the Masters games included some modified-sports to enable those who cant do high impact. I'm under 40 but already have degenative joints that require me to avoid impact -- even normal walking hurts (but I'm hoping I can improve that with treatment over time).

I've been a bit sparse online. Mostly responding to threads I am tagged in, but also do actively read non-tagged notifications on some threads (like yours 😊. Was waiting to hear how the games went 😁).

Welcome back @Till23!!

That sounds SO cool. It must have been really nice to be with everyone at once.

Gah, that's always so painful... I hope you're able to take good care of your kneee and get a little bit of rest today.

That's really wonderful, Till. I think we can often stay in the 'noticing' phase for quite some time before we have the capacity to explore different behaviours.

Oh, also I changed the medication you listed to be more broad, but I think that's a great idea. There's so much growing success in that realm. I would be excited to hear how it can support you. 😍

That's really positive! Do you think it was easier to chat because you had a very clear topic you could turn to?

That's a valid reflection... some people say that we are just here to simply experience life. What are your thoughts on that idea?

There are certainly many benefits to your sport! Aw, that sounds so wholesome. When do you think you could see them again?

Of course, and that would feel really vulnerable. I am so glad you were able to share your medals with us, we are really proud of you. 🥰

How are things sitting with you today?

Thank you!! Hmm, I do a lot of cabaret comedy kind of stuff - that's probably the best way to describe it. 🥳

Hi @AuntGlow hope you are well today

Yes it was good catching up with people and because I had a purpose for being there I felt less out of my depth as I do in pure social settings.

Sorry I completely forgot not to mention medications on forums, just a slip up

Yes, I find the meaning of life very difficult and have wondered about it for a long time, I have heard things yhat vary from there is no meaning, to people very much feeling there is a religious reason. I sort of feel there is the biological imperative reason - to propogate your DNA (which I have failed to do, which from the over-population perspective is good, but societally, due to era I grew up in, seems bad).

I think though, if you are here and are able, it's good to help other people, or be kind to others - I feel I have not succeeded with that.

I suppose there was a slight "high" from having a good sports meeting and coming back to real life is a bit difficult.

I wish I could accept it is ok to just relax and not have to "do", it's ok to just "be". I have heard often don't live to work, but work to live - I was never able to fully accept that when I was working, so not working I thinking I am finding the meaning of life more dfficult. I think the feeling of being alone in the world is the hardest thing, because if you had someone else that could be part of your purpose. I don't think I am a good friend, so I don't feel like being a friend is a purpose I have fulfilled.

Sorry it's a bit Philosophy 2.5 on this response.

Your performance stuff sounds interesting, of course I wish I knew more - but will have to accept that I can't.

@Till233 of course i only know the limited things about you that you're open to share, but from what I know and see... and im being honest - i don't ever deliberately lie...

Re: "I think though, if you are here and are able, it's good to help other people, or be kind to others - I feel I have not succeeded with th

I have a similar philosophy that if I'm choosing to live, then making other people's lives better for it is a good aim. You have a good heart too, and this philosophy is an expression of your care and consideration of other

But you know where I disagree? From what I've heard, I reckon you DO achieve it! Well and truly

Your sports club, your support for people on this forum (incl me), the fundraising you've done for charities, the small things like the socks for the nurses... how much more would someone have to do to demonstrate kindness and care?? I reckon you already pass that yardstick by a mile 😊🥰

Re: "I don't think I am a good friend, so I don't feel like being a friend is a purpose I have fulfilled."

Again I can only speak for forum life, but I know you've been a good online friend to me. 😊. And I'm pretty sure at least a few others would say that too, but I cant speak for them. I wonder whether your fellow sports club players would see you as a good person/friend too?

Re: children.

If you have "failed" that purpose, then so have I. 😉. But I dont see it as a failure - just a choice, and one we are all allowed to make. You contribute to the community in sooo many ways. And so many people cant/dont do that because they are too busy due to family raising responsibilities. We all need "aunties" and "uncles" (including non-related ones! I use it in the community sense).

I struggle with "meaning" too. You're not alone there. *hugs*

Congratulations @Till23 What an amazing achievement! I'm feeling the buzz just by reading your post. I'm glad your knee held up.

I have to say that I may have felt 'over' socialised by the end lol.

How are you feeling now after the games? What have you been up to since?

Thank you @AlwaysMyself your responses are always so kind and thoughtful.

I think it’s being a good member of community to help others where you can. I don’t think it’s particularly special. I sometimes have been so preoccupied with my own stuff that I haven’t always been a good community member. I think other people are kinder than me. I’ve seen amazing gestures by people, that I haven’t even thought about.

There is a bit of a ruction in my sport club, so I’m not sure what others would say about being a good member. It was actually a bit less tense just going to this comp by myself. Which I sort of feel bad about, because there are some really wonderful members of our club, but I do have difficulty with others.

I feel I did not get to choose whether I had children I feel it happened because of my way of dealing with childhood trauma. The lack of trust and connection with people especially has probably been the hardest part of my life.

I’m in this world, I’m alive, but most of the time I don’t feel like I belong, like I’m truly alive. I have felt alive from time to time, but it’s not sustained. Like just after we won our race I felt alive. I felt alive once in a waterfall, I’ve felt alive at other times.

I suppose I have to employ radical acceptance with meaning and purpose. I have to accept there is no one overall meaning of life for everyone. That everyone finds their own meaning. I know overwhelming people have meaning in their children, as I don’t have that, I have to find another sustainable meaning, especially now I have retired.

I’m sorry you struggle with meaning as well, I think it’s a major thing for MH.

Thanks @tyme yes, I think we all (the team) felt a buzz when we knew we’d won medals.
Unfortunately I have not been able to sustain that feeling and have had some pretty down moments. I know it’s not uncommon when coming off a high, but for me it’s more chronic.

I am trying to apply radical acceptance to some of my thoughts to see if I can change my thinking a bit.

This weekend I am doing a long walk as a fundraiser for the Cancer Council- it’s in Sydney, so another weekend of travelling. Hope my knee holds up, after this I can have a bit of a rest for my knee for a little while.

Weekend after next we’ve got a BBQ fundraiser for our club. In between I’ve got volunteering, table tennis, sport training and I’m trying out barefoot bowling. I’ve signed up for a women’s group walk one day soon, to see how that goes. I try to keep myself busy, try to do new things, do social exercise - all of which is good for MH, but I seem not to be able to sustain a feeling of joy.

I hope things are settling down a bit for you and you are able to enjoy this good weather

Good evening @Till23!

How are you today? 💛

I get that feeling, very much so. I am more secure socially when I have a purpose and there's a shared interest as well.

Oh that's so fine, I forget too! haha

This is a really interesting topic of conversation - the meaning of life. It would make a great thread, if you wanted to start it? I would be happy to help (if you need)!

Hmm, I know you might not believe me, but I think you absolutely succeed at helping and being kind to others here.

It's always tough coming back down after an experience you have been working hard towards or looking forward to... what is your next plan or goal? 🤩

I am just sitting with what you have shared and I always appreciate your vulnerability. We are communal creatures in a world that often idealises hyper-independance. So know that your want for connectedness and friendship is so human. I understand that due to some of your traumatic experiences, it can be hard to trust connection... but I really do believe that this can shift and evolve. I already see so many people enjoying your presence here, and I hope that acts as evidence of the fact you are cared for and appreciated.

Awww, bless! I can tell you that I am looking forward to creating more theatre next year. 🥰

Hi @AuntGlow sorry for delayed response I was in Sydney for the charity walk. Which I finished and was a bit sore the next days, probably a fair bit due to my sore knee. It was good and the scenery was very nice.

I have a bit of busy couple of weeks and when I'm doing activities I usually feel not too bad. Somehow I just can't sustain it though. I still often feel disconnected from the world like there's a glass wall between me and other people.

I feel a bit numb at the moment I think. I saw another psychologist today, I'm not sure whether I should keep going. I know I need to work out what my aims are for continuing. I still feel confused about the last psychologist.

I need to change the way I think, but it's really hard because my core beliefs are so deeply embedded and long held. So overall I'm feeling a bit lost. I also realise, even though it may not seem like it because I do things, I feel I've lost a lot of confidence.

I hope you get some good inspiration during the rest of this year to start your performances on a high in 2026.