Tillogram

Good afternoon @Till23! 🌞

Definitely flying across the keyboard, especially in the evenings!

Hmm, it sounds like your body is really needing you to slow down, but I understand why that can feel so hard to do - especially when keeping busy helps us to cope. 💛

Have you been able to check in with your GP to see if they can support a bit more right now?

I know you mentioned that today is a memorial/recognition day. I am sensing this might not be something you're comfortable sharing more about here, but if you would like to talk about what's coming up for you - I am more than happy to listen.

I would love to hear that you get another fur baby sometime soon. I feel like it could help so much with how you're feeling. 🥰

Oh no! Injuries are truly the worst... what kind of rehab are you doing on your knee?

What do you think you need most this month? And how can we hold space for those feelings of lost hope, but also look at where hope can be cultivated? 💖

Hi @AuntGlow I know you are over at the webinar right now (because I'm eavesdropping on it too, I don't have OCD, but it is an anxiety disorder), so understand you probably won't get to my post this evening.

It's hard for me to slow down, because it is a bit of a coping mechanism, but also I feel like really I'm not doing as much as most other people, so I "shouldn't" need to slow down.

I have an appointment with GP tomorrow, which is actually for a physical clearance certificate for the International sport meeting I am going to in 2026, but will probably also be about my knee now! Haven't sought any treatment for knee as yet, I was just trying to rest it as much as possible and then waiting for an appointment.

@tyme

I will almost certainly get another dog, but not until at least late next year after the overseas sport event.

I do not know what I need AuntGlow, I'm a bit up and down, so sometimes I am sort of ok and I think I just have to learn how to not worry so much about many aspects. Really if you could have one wish - I think it would be to have a good friend (a companoion to share the good and the bad in life, someone that could just accept me as I am. So I don't think I have to keep doing things to feel as though I am worth the resources that I use)

Hey @Till23,

That's okay, I love that you're all over what's happening around here. How did you find it?

I think sometimes we can get caught in the comparison trap (a very human response to living in a capitalist society), but I also think it's important to acknowledge where we are at. I can imagine that this internal pressure would be utterly exhausting and taking up a lot of your reserved energy... so maybe it's not about the amount that you do right now, but the quality?

Can you measure your success in the world based on how you show up, rather than how much?

I hope your appointment goes well. 🤞

Enough said and sending big hugs your way, lovely. 💛

Okay, well I am excited for you to go to this event overseas, it sounds like another opportunity for you to explore!

I think this is so incredibly valid. I really want this for you. I think you make a great friend to all of us here. 🥰

Heya @Till23 ,

How'd your appointment go today?

How are you? I'm just catching up on your posts and it sounds like a lot is happening for you - then again, when is it not?

Thinking of you.

Hello @Till23 , @tyme , @AuntGlow , @AlwaysMyself , @ArraDreaming

Thinking of you lots 💓

Hey @Till23 , sorry I wasn't around yesterday - was so exhausted and not in a great mental mood so I didn't go through posts. This evening is feeling better. 🙂

I used to compare myself to others too with regard to what how much others could do compared to me. I've learned not to, because I am different to them and I can't do things to the same extent that most people can. The hardest lesson was to be able to accept that it's OK that I can't, and that it doesn't make me any less of a person or less worthwhile. And I believe the same is true of you, and others.

Of course I still struggle with those feelings whenever I feel that someone else is trying to make a judgement or 'point' that they do more than me. But I have to remind myself that they are lucky to not know what it's like to be unable to, and they just see it as 'laziness' or 'weakness' rather than seeing how much I can do and how much I do push myself every day.

Still holding you in my "best wishes" thoughts for the weekend competition. 🙂

I'm glad my post brightened you day and made you smile. 😛

Hoping you got the all-clear from your GP for the competition next year. 🤞

Hi @AuntGlow thanks for your response

I completely understand that comparison is the thief of joy. Because there is always someone who has done more, better etc and it depends on the measuring stick, because everyone has different ideas about what is important.

I try to acknowledge that but I am also comparing myself to my former self. I have worked in health/science/research/clinical all of my working life, I feel so far from where I used to be. Of course I had imposter syndrome nearly all the time I did that work. So I'm very much still dealing with retirement and the loss of purpose, which is driving this needing to do things constantly. Because of my work I have had the opportunity to see where action is needed, so that is driving my constant need to do things.

GP appointment was fine. Knee a bit of a worry, but still trying to do all my events at this stage.

We also discussed some other possibilities treatment-wise for MH, so will look into them. I feel I need to do something because I already do most of the things that have been shown to work, therapy, being in nature, social exercise etc etc and I still have ongoing MH struggles and that kind of plays into the hoplessness and the suicidality because I feel to keep going as I am just grinding along feels not worth it, so I need to do something else.

Yes the overseas event gives me something to look forward to and I will try to do some other things while I am overseas as well. There is a bit of a fun thing the team who went overseas this year might do, after the main event so that's also good. I want to try to get out of my comfort zonm a bit with this overseas trip kind of as a bit of a confidence booster.

I hear you did another show - I hope you had fun doing that.

Thanks @Shaz51 - I hope you are well

It's pretty amazing that you are always pushing yourself out of your comfortzone @Till23 . I think it helps us grow. But I also recognise that with growth, there can be growing pains.

This overseas trip sounds amazing.

I can see you have done so much in life and we can often reflect on that in pride of with a sense of grief. I feel this is natural.

Please continue to look after yourself

Hello @Till23

Very sore shoulder and tired from gardening this afternoon

Hope you sleep OK tonight