Tillogram

Hey @Till23 ,

I'm just reading though. How do you feel today? I'm so glad you have been able to have community insights by sharing what's been going on for you.

We really value your connection

Hi @tyme how are you?

I felt a bit better last night, but this morning it was hard to get out of bed.

Which does happen at times.

I have had a few times over last month I've woken up having a panic attack and a few nights ago I had a horrible nightmare and woke up with sleep paralysis, took ages before I could move. I wrote some stuff to try to get the images out of my mind. This was a personal topic, but in my jobs I've seen a lot of trauma and death and that plays into the nightmare images. Sometimes I have nightmares about the traumas I've seen (not including my own - which is usually a whole other level).

I'm stressed because we've got this event coming up and I am a major organiser.

I then have a few weeks of high level sport/exercise events - for which, I stupidly overcommitted myself - a bit of travelling too. Going to Australian Masters Games in Canberra for example - I've got to be fitter than I am, training interrupted by cold and the exacerbation of inflammatory/immune thing.

I am unbelievable tired tonight

I just cooked myself a big pot of chicken, sweet potato and cauliflower curry, some of which I will freeze, so at least I have some dinners organised

Maybe it's okay to rest in today? I'm sorry to hear about the unsettled nights.

Just say you didn't 'overcommit' to things, what do you think you'd do instead? Would you simply find other things to commit to? Maybe that's just how you and I are?

I've been going around like a headless chook.. I feel I'm doing a bit of everything that I'm doing nothing lol.

Your meal sounds delish! I'm going to go check what food is around as I'm feeling hungry! @Till23

What are you up to tonight?

Problem is I haven't felt rested @tyme because I have been doing things and thinking about organisation I just don't seem to get very far, I'm still doing preparation stuff now.

If I hadn't over-committed I would have a chance to rest a bit more, maybe even enjoy what I'm doing at the time, not thinking ahead to next thing, and I could do some things like get into nature more, read a book for fun, not for learning, that kind of stuff.

If I was younger, it probably would be ok, or better at least, but I'm in my 60s now (and I do have some chronic diseases.

Do you have ADHD? I don't have a diagnosis but I have a number of symptoms, some also fall under ADHD but not all.

I hope you find something nice to eat.

I'm working on stuff, but I'm absolutely exhausted. I will stop shortly. I've got to get up early for training.

How was today? I know you said you were going to get up early for training. I hope you are okay. I know you've been pushing yourself to keep going.

@Till23

Thinking of you.

As for ADHD, yes. I do. Buzzing all the time. It it weren't for meds, I wouldn't sleep.

Sorry late response @tyme

Big couple of days planning and having this event. I’ll reply properly later - I’m just exhausted but have to train tomorrow morning!
I’m feeling pretty ok, but I’m up and down MH wise and I’m in constant pain physically with a couple of other symptoms, but not insurmountable. I met some reasonably high level people at event, in organisations and government, so of course I am questioning myself if I did ok with them. Managed to mention about MH to an appropriate person though, which I am counting as a win.

Hello @Till23,

How are you feeling this week? ☺️

The last thing we discussed was the person who wasn't so kind to you from the club and feeling like you have over-committed yourself amidst illness - how is this all sitting with you today?

Looking forward to chatting. 🫶

Hi @AuntGlow thanks for posting to me.. I hope you are well..

I am sure your fingers are flying across the keyboard posting to the forums..

I know I have gone a bit quiet on the forums lately.

I am very tired, some of it has to do with the effects of my cold. Some of it being really busy with sport related stuff.

Some of it is because my brain feels disorganised and foggy and it seems to take me ages to do the most basic things.

I am grieving a lot lately. Tomorrow is a sort of memorial day (or recognition day) and I will be grieving then. I don't talk about that with anyone, just my previous psych - so it's really hard now as I have no one.

I feel the lonliness intensely, I miss my dogs so much.

I have injured my knee, I need to go to Masters Games in Canberra on weekend (don't worry there are heaps of sports and thousands of people so my identity is not revealed by saying that) I am wondering if my knee will be ok by then.

October is a hard month for me because it's Breast Cancer Awareness and Mental Health Awareness and this other awareness. Within the month there is specific days as well for things related to those topics. Of course Suicide awareness has just been in September.

The days are longer and it's sunnier and warmer - all things I used to think were filled with hope, but I don't feel that any more, I feel like the time for hope for me is over.

Anyhow sorry to be so downbeat.

Hope you are well and having good times.

Hugs to you @Till23 . Sitting with you silently in your grief, lonliness and feelings of hopelessness.

Best of skill/performance in the Masters competition on the weekend.

Tips for CBR:

• Careful of people who don't stay in lanes on roundabouts
• Careful of people who don't know how to merge
• "Interesting" iconic things: Belconnen "owl", Canberra Outlet Centre, and Fyshwick all have something in common. 😉
• Lifelong-residents will say something is "a long way away"; they mean it is 15 minutes away or more.

I'm sure I can come up with a few more funny tips by tomorrow evening. 😎

Thanks @AlwaysMyself you always bring brightness with your posts.

I hope you have been well

I have been to CBR a few times before. I went there a number of times quite close together for work at one stage, but that was a few years ago now.

I think most people in Australia do not know how to use roundabouts!

Certainly where I live now they are hopeless at roundabouts, they just give way to their right, so they may as well not have put in the roundabout.

The first thing I noticed driving here was absolutely nobody knows how to merge.

I will not have much time to look around as it will be 3 days of events and then I will come back.

I'm doing 7 Bridges walk in Sydney for Cancer Council the following weekend so I'm quite busy. That's kind of good from a distraction perspective, but not good from a brain fog, feeling a bit out of control perspective. I kind of feel bad that I feel I can't keep up with everything.

Anyhow, I hope you have a lovely evening. I will probably get on forums at soem stage tomorrow, so chat then.