Tillogram

Hi @tyme I know it's almost knock off time. I have things I can do at home like the garden and housework and things, but right now I'm short of breath just sitting so won't be doing any of that probably tomorrow. I could watch something I've recorded from the TV. I find it hard to concentrate though.

I will see how I am in the morning.

Yeah I'm not good with things relating to kids, mothering any of that stuff. When the people where I do my CSA LE stuff asked me about survivors giving birth, I just said you'll have to ask someone else. I never got that far. I try to just stay in my lane, although I know I wander out of it at times and people should just say pull your head in.

But, some things I do feel passionate about and some things I do have a little bit of experience in.

I wish I had someone to hug me right now and sort of look after me, I'm so tired. People think I am ok because I do things, but it doesn't mean I don't want meaningful connection and an occasional hug

Awwww @Till23 ,

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. It takes a lot of strength to do this.

Here's a HUGE HUG for you before I log off.

Hey @Till23 , sorry I went to be before your last post.

"I wish I had someone to hug me right now and sort of look after me, I'm so tired. People think I am ok because I do things, but it doesn't mean I don't want meaningful connection and an occasional hug."

*big hug*

I know its not quite the same as an in-person hug.

I empathise with the people thinking youre ok because you do things. I have a lot of that happen too. People do not even suspect what is under the mask.

Thanks @tyme I logged off before you sent this message. To try bto rest to get over this cold.

Hope you had a good evening

Thanks @AlwaysMyself I logged off shortly after I made my last post last night to try to get some rest to get over this cold. Which seemed to get better overnight and I even stayed in bed a bit late to try to really get rid of it. When I got up in late morning symptoms were back, they get worse at night, so not so good now, I decided to cancel volunteering early in the morning and then later on, I thought, oh actually maybe I could have gone, now I'm thinking - good thing I cancelled!

Oh yes people have no idea what's going on with me. I have had normal conversations (well normal from their perspective) hours before trying to end myself in the past. When I have told a few people, they actually don't believe it - but your always laughing or doing things etc. I have obviously perfected the mask over 50 or so years.

I don't like to bother people and maybe bring them down with my stuff. I know I'm posting on here, but feels a bit different - it's a MH forum, no-one actually knows who I am.

I hope you have had a good day today. I'm just about to look through my other tags so might see some of your posts.

That's okay! @Till23

I have had a couple of days off, so just getting back to your message now. 💛

How are you feeling today?

Hmm, if you could have a little extra support, what might that look like right now?

What if you didn't have to raise the positivity? I think your contributions are really helpful, just by being where you're at. ☺️

Thanks @AuntGlow sorry I didn't log in until you were finished for the evening, so only just seeing your message and responding now. Sorry about that. I am still recovering from a quite bad cold/flu so that is not helping my cognitive function.

Thanks for your response and posing some questions for me to consider. Sorry to be a drag

Hi @Till23

I can hear that there's a lot on your mind right now, and it makes sense that the bad cold (you're still recovering from) is impacting your cognitive functioning too 🤒

It's not good to hear that you feel as if you're just hanging on and feel as if you're slipping away - but it's great you can identify that some of these thoughts and feelings are coming from being too hard on yourself (not giving yourself a break). What do you think you can do to cut yourself some slack and take the pressure off?

TunedIn 🦋

Hi @TunedIn thanks for your response. I have taken your feedback on board and made a number of changes. I can take the whole post down if you think it better.

I might just take a break from the forums.

That might be helpful for everyone. It's currently hard to raise the required positivity.

Thanks for letting us know you're safe - I hear you when you say it's hard to find positivity right now - and that's okay. The Community is here for you if you do still want to keep talking 🌿 But it's also okay to take a break if that is what you'd find most helpful 🦋