Tillogram

Hi @tyme it's not that I think I have to be uplifting or whatever when I post on other threads it's just that currently, I just actually find it difficult to keep up with the chat and just can't raise the ability to post a quick comment. I sometimes manage a quick response.

Yeah it's no so much that social things are draining it's that I find them difficult as I feel too different to other people to connect. It makes me feel more alone when I feel lonely with people than when I'm by myself.

My head seems to full currently to think clearly at the moment. I am trying not to take on any more "responsibilities". I did a Lived Experience advisory session on wednesday and I found that difficult, I felt I was "not on my game".

I hope you have a nice rest of evening

Yep that's the one @tyme I saw her at the hospital during my cancer treatments and then she went into part-time private practice (as well as the hospital work).

Thank you for your reply @AlwaysMyself, you always write lovely things.

Yes, I am lucky that I can have my connection to nature. It is so important to keeping me going.

People I am not good with. Sometimes I am really interested in what a person is saying but I still don't feel I have connected with them. I used to be a bit better with it actually when I was younger.

I'm better with one-on-one or just a few people - I'm not good with bigger groups, sometimes I just fade into the background and people actually forget I am there. Other times I can be more extroverted but at the end of the conversation, I feel I'm back to just myself.

How are you going?

@Till23 i very much related to your comments about feeling *more* lonely when with people that dont seem to click (or feelings very different from) than when actually alone. I also dislike groups and prefer 1:1 or just 3-4 people.

There are many people in my f2f life i dont ask to spend time with because I dont feel any connection to them, or feel very "different"/other/not-understood when I'm around them.

I also have days when I do not feel like being social. Like this morning, I did not come onto the forum before I had to go out today, because I just did not feel like people-time. But then this evening I did, so here I am catching up on posts. 🥰

Sorry I missed your post yesterday @AlwaysMyself I went to bed. Turns out I have a cold, which I thought I might be getting as very sore throat yesterday and very tired last couple of days for no apparent reason.

I feel different from everyone really, so it's a bit hard for me. I think at the moment it's a bit worse because I am feeling the grief of no children, no grand children and people around my age always talk about their grandkids. I don't have my dogs to talk about anymore and without my Dad, there's one less person to talk to about things we were both interested in.

I am feeling down and like I have totally stuffed up my life, with my inability to connect with people and my huge anxiety about doing things in public by myself.

I hope you have had a good saturday.

I have spent most of mine in bed with my cold. I got up in the afternoon and hopefully I can get to sleep tonight and get back to a normal sleep-wake clock

Hope you feel better soon @Till23 . I'll catch you tomorrow. I just wanted to pass by to see how you were.

Thanks @tyme - hope you have a lovely evening

Hope you get a good night sleep tonight @Till23 . Extra helpful when recovering from a cold/illness too.

That must feel saddening if you have regrets about your life. I choose not to have children myself also, but I dont think I will regret it in the future. But it is a good point I haven't really thought about in terms of when I'm retired age and my peers are all focused/occupied on their grandchildren.

Do you think you would have been able to focus on things like your sport as much if you had children and grandchildren?

Are there other positive choices and focus in life that you did instead of raising children that you dont regret?

Not sure if its your thing (esp if you dont find it easy to connect with people), but if having a relationship with raising/mentoring young people is important to you, there are a number of organisations that seek volunteers (some even online programs) to connect adults to help support/mentor/advise youth/children.

@Till23 , @AlwaysMyself , @tyme

I can't have children so I don't have any children of my own

Both my parents have passed away

I am 61 , retired and on DSP

I know I have a husband and 4 adult step children, but if something happens, I know I will be by myself

I know people who have children, ect and are all alone and lonely

Yes I will be signing off soon @AlwaysMyself to get as much rest as possible - although I have said that in the past and have stayed on late though 😂. I think just trying to only rest this morning was helpful.

I have only been doing my sport since I had cancer, so not long.

I did focus on study and work and I have moved around and lived in different places, which would probably have been curtailed by children. At the time, I didn't think I wanted children, but the that may have been the result of CSA which went on for years. I sort of didn't socialise when it stopped, and I avoided relationships, and turned my energy to work and study. So it's overall been a solitary life.

So yes I did probably have opporunities without children, but other people I've worked with have had children and still done similar things. I have my own house so that's a positive.

I don't feel as though I could do things with children/young adults because that time of my life was so stuffed up, I have no idea of normal.