Tillogram

@Till23 lawn bowls is harder than it looks. It takes a lot of practice and dedication. When the bowls season starts in October we'll practice twice a week - on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and play competition on Saturday. So, it's something you have to work at, to get better at. Otherwise, just enjoy it and meet new people.

Hi @AuntGlow it's fine I understand lots of tags to attend to.

I'm sorry that you had a bad experience at the party.

I have things in common with the people at the dinner we do the same sport . But other than that there's not much - I have no children, so no grand children, so I can't join that part of conversation. I feel awkward always if people want me to dance I can't do it. I do not like the thought of people looking at me. I always wear a mask in public, because not only do I feel too abnormal, I feel Not Good Enough. I have a deep seated belief that I am a bad person.

If I just went to sport comp I probably wouldn't feel so bad but the social part just re-enforced my difference. I always feel there is a glass wall between me and other people. I can fully connect to nature but not people.

I have been struggling since I came back from overseas. I am by myself now as I no longer have a psychologist. I am too broken.

I try all the recommended things like social exercise, I volunteer, I even do Lived Experience stuff now, but it doesn't seem to shift how I feel about myself because I never feel truly connected. I think people just tolerate me but I feel there's not more than that.

I also got an injury at sport which caused me to have flashbacks to some of the "punishment" I was subject to which I had not thought about for decades. So currently I'm not in a good place.

Sorry for negativity

Hello @Till23 , @NightFury , @AuntGlow , @ArraDreaming , @AlwaysMyself , @tyme

Sorry I am not around today , feeling way out of sorts for some reason

Oh yes, this is just social as it's barefoot @NightFury, there will be no competition it's just a fun thing. Social exercise. I'm not worrying about how good or bad I am

I'm sorry that you are out of sorts @Shaz51 do you want to talk about it, or just chat, r are you just needing a rest from the forums?

Just feeling yucky @Till23. Aching, a headache

Just Took my blood sugar level at it is 7.1

Hey @Shaz51, I am sorry you're not feeling so good... what do you think might be helpful tonight? Also never apologise for not being here! We completely understand, but it's nice to have an update so we know how we can be there for you. 🥰

@Till23 It's also completely fine for you to feel negative, what you have shared sounds really vulnerable for you... I am just sitting with what you have expressed. Feeling abnormal, not good enough, having to wear a mask. I think so many of us here can relate to these feelings. I know I say this a lot, but please know that you aren't alone in this experience.

I really like that you feel so connected to nature. What makes this feel easier for you?

Would you like to explore a new psych at all? Or does that feel too much for right now?

I can really hear how there's this part of you that still needs some healing... when do you feel like you are connected to people the most?

And yes, this would have been awfully triggering. I would like to extend some nurturing to you from afar, know that we care about you very much. 💛

Thanks @AuntGlow @Till23

Watching grand designs New Zealand

Then going to go to bed , hoping to feel better in the morning ❤️

7.1 sounds alright @Shaz51 is that good for you?

I am also watching Grand Design NZ it's in the background actually of a seminar I am attending with Gabor Mate

I hope you feel better in the morning

Sleep well! @Shaz51 ❤️😴