Tillogram

Hi @tyme and @AuntGlow and thank you for your responses. I haven't been on the forums much at all, so I have not seen them or sometimes I have not been able to respond, due to a couple of issues, so sorry about that.

My interent has been very unstable, but it's working right now.

Yes @tyme I am aware of neuroplasticity and there have been some amazing cases with regard to physical injuries and other parts of the brain "taking over" the function of the injured part.

When I said hardwired I suppose I meant it had become an entrenched thinking pattern.

I have spoken to psychologist about masking @AuntGlow and pretty much the answer is the same as really what I am saying above. I just have to change my thinking.

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Anyhow, sorry for taking up your time. I know you are both trying hard to assist me.

I know how my life will end, I'm just trying to hang on until a few things happen or are arranged.

Sorry another negative post.

I briefly read on another thread @tyme that you have had an adverse occurrence in your own family. I am sorry this has occurred. I know how CSA can still affect people throughout their life, I hope your family member is able to overcome the coping strategy they seem to be currently using. Because, yes, coping strategies affect other people in your life. From that perspective it's a good thing I don't have children.

Thanks to you @tyme I am doing the online Mindspot PTSD program.

Hey @Till23 ,

I hear you mean that those thoughts are 'entrenched", and whilst they may be, do you not think neuroplasticity can change this?

@Till23 , I hear you are feeling very low at this time. You mentioned you know how your life will end. Would you consider changing this course?

I believe in you. After everything you've been through, you are here for a reason.

Allow yourself to live the life you want. You deserve the best.

Please.

Yeah @tyme,, people should be able to lead the life they want.. However,, sometimes your life course is changed by other people,, and now you have to accept the new course.... Or make some decisions.. Making decisions can be hard,, It takes a lot of time and energy to decide some things.. Actually though, once you make the final decision it’s quite freeing..

Neuroplasticity only goes so far.. You have to action something to change your neural pathways.. Even if the something is your thoughts..

I don’t know what my reason for being here is..

Everyone is just passing through the world.. Some people’s transit time is shorter,, or maybe foreshortened

@Till23 I can hear how sometimes it feels like things are not in your control and how other people can have big impacts on life and life courses. Sometimes we think life might be going one way and it might completely shift. You mentioned having made a 'final decision' and that being freeing for you which brings up some concerns around your wellbeing. We'll reach out to you via email to check in as we are worried about you and about that decision.

There are different life courses @Doofenshmirtz,, and you never know what turns your life course will take.. However,, I currently have control of mine,, so no need for concern.. There have been a few big decisions to make of late,, and a bit of back and forth,, but I have settled on some big decisions,, that’s all..

Hello lovely human! @Till23

How are you?

That's soo okay. I am a bit delayed atm too. 🥰

What have you been doing for yourself this week? Have you noticed any small moments of lightness or alignment?

You don't have to answer this if it feels too much right now, I am just curious to see if we can work together to celebrate your wins. 💛

True that. Things happen that can change the course of our journey. Yet is it in our power to recreate the past? Over the years, I've learnt to accept what's been thrown at me. I know I can't change what has happened, so I spend my energy on managing how I respond.

And dont get me wrong, it can be so so hard. @Till23 I hear that.

But in everything, there is hope.

Thinking of you and hope you are okay.

Hello @AuntGlow and @tyme,, I hope you are both well.. I haven’t been on the forum much at all,, I am having some intermittent internet connectivity problems..
Mainly, I’ve felt like I am not really able to contribute to the forum community, so I haven’t said anything.

Aunt Glow, I do not consider myself to be a lovely human, I am just a human.

I am exercising quite a bit, I suppose that’s what I do for myself. I do not feel anything about it, I just do it because I made a commitment to a team.

tyme, I have never thought I could change what has happened to me, or recreate the past, I accept that things have happened. I think I have a changed life course because of those things, but I don’t dwell on that aspect, as I know that is not helpful.

I strive to try to help myself to deal with the consequences of things that happened. Hence, I came to this forum, I’ve gone to therapy, tried other things, like Mindspot currently.
It seems from all of these avenues, that the underlying problem for my MH issues is my thinking to a major degree, if I thought differently I wouldn’t have any MH issues, even things like nightmares. Which is the underpinning theory of many/most talk therapies. I have tried to think positively about myself. I try to notice if a thought is unhelpful and I try to ignore it. It seems faking positive thoughts doesn’t work.
I feel like giving up, but I have made commitments, which I have decided to try my best to fulfil, even though that means grinding through every day. I know other people in much worse situations do that. So I need to step up to this life for now, regardless of how it feels. Also it would probably help if stopped whinging on here, and wasting your time. I am ashamed of this whinger I’ve become.

There is absolutely no need to respond to this post, I am just trying to wrap things up.

I will really need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other at the moment and for the next couple of weeks.. I have a fairly big week coming up.. Currently,, I also have a lot of other things happening as well.. All of which.. are stressful.. Anyhow,, one foot in front of the other......

Hi @Till23 saw you post elsewhere so i wanted to say hello! 😊 no pressure or need to reply though.

Many things i could say to your above post about thinking patterns and "fake positive thoughts". I related a lot. Not sure if you want me to comment though, so i will withhold unless you ask 🥰.

I like who you are.