Functioning with ADHD

Oh fair enough. Was it you who mentioned you were seeing a female GP @creative_writer ?

I guess if you don't know someone so well, then it's a bit difficult to just 'blah' everything. Since you are a bit of a writer, would you consider writing a few things down for your next appointment.

I hope you can stay grounded with the 5 senses activity.

I guess it's lucky that your worth does not depend on how 'useful' you are @creative_writer... What's happening for you hun?

@creative_writer that makes sense. I think SH is often 'easier' to access, and its effects more viscerally felt in an immediate way. When we are desperate for relief, the slower paths can become sources of frustration. It's definitely something that we can change over time, but it can be so hard to keep ourselves motivated towards those healthier paths when the emotions are so heavy.

You are so far from nothing. You're a survivor, a warrior, and a boon to the world - even on the days you can't see it.

Maybe take some slow, deep breaths, and you could always try a short, gentle prayer, maybe even one for some inner calm?

@creative_writer my psych called them 'external regulators' - anything we look for outside of ourselves. It can include healthy and unhealthy options, like SH but also talking to someone, online shopping, substances, etc.

Not inherently bad ofc, it's more just about introducing more internal ones as well - breathing, exercise, prayer/mantra/affirmations, meditation, etc. - because sometimes the external regulators are inaccessible, or harmful.

Hmm... maybe it's about finding ways to feel safe in your body when you do express/retell the story? Yes definitely gotta take it at your own pace!!

It is okay. I think that even when we can't put the physical effort in, the desire is still important. The universe/God still listens to that. 💜

@Jynx honestly I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into, this external regulator is now gone. Getting access is not going to be easy due to it not being readily available, it will require jumping through hoops and the GP may figure it out. I know people are saying to speak to my psychiatrist about it. I know I’m using it to cope with depression, anxiety and ADHD. I swear my brain is so weird, it reacts differently than a NT. It would’ve been easier to resist if I hadn’t been ND. I know I have to accept my vulnerabilities and work on them. I’m starting to feel more foggy and really exhausted now. I got through the morning, I got the SI to leave for a bit. I know I can’t keep escaping from them. Now I must lean onto other things to help me cope and resist the urges (I'm safe). Saying "I'm safe" sort of reminds me of why I don't want to be safe. Maybe I should focus on the reasons why I want to stay safe. Probably need to build on those internal ones regulators.

I could start slowly and provide a bit of context about my experience, I don't need to dive into loads of details at this point in time. I am a bit scared, but that probably isn't surprising.

All we can do it try, some days will be harder than others. It doesn't mean it will always be that way