how do you feel about giving that peer support service a go? the free one that you mentioned last time? @creative_writer
i'm really glad to hear that you've continued to reach out to those helplines as well, please do keep reaching out as much as you need. i know you've also mentioned that you've tried to push away and distract from those uncomfy feelings, but perhaps learning to sit with it and let it pass might be something to work on with your psych next time you see them?
how do you feel about narrating things? it's a strategy i find helpful when i'm having intrusive thoughts - you just narrate each and every single action out loud (you can do it in your head too but it works better out loud). for example: i'm going to the kitchen, i'm grabbing a cup, i'm feeling anxious but i know i'm safe. i'll make myself some tea and go step outside for a bit, i'm opening the fridge, etc.
basically saying each step and bringing your focus to the present actions helps from being sucked into those internal thoughts - it does take practice and requires you to do it continuously to work better, how do you feel about giving it a go today?