New chapter

@creative_writer was it looking at the photos that spurred the big feels maybe?

Sounds like you're going through a lot hun!!

Are you feeling a bit more settled tonight?

@creative_writer that's so hard hun. Do you get to see your gran very often?

@creative_writer aye it's not the same hey. Do you think you'd have a chance to get out to see her any time soon? Is she overseas?

Mm for sure, it's like...one of the Big Ones in life. I've been reading a book that seems kinda relevant, it's called Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom, who is my fav existential psych. All about death and our relationship with it, and more to the point how waking up to the finality of life can help us to live more fully within the time we have. Deffo recommend.

Right there with you @creative_writer something I'm struggling with atm too as I de-clutter my space!!

I hope you find some opportunities to connect w your gran soon 💜 I will say nighty night! Catch you next weekend 😊

hey @creative_writer how are you? hope you had a restful weekend 💖

replying to last week's post-

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@creative_writer wrote:
@rav3n I agree getting feedback is so much better than a simple rejection. It also helps when they appreciate your efforts. We need more companies doing that. The competition is crazy, my friend took a while to land into a job after graduating, and even then it was a part time research assistant position.

Hospital is very intense and a lot of these jobs are full time. It felt too soon to go into a job like that. I was just suicidal last week, and I still have a long way to go in my healing. I wish there were more part time options. I feel like research has more part time options than clinical social work jobs. Only thing with research is there aren’t many job opportunities unless you have a PhD.

I have considered further study before, but right now I just want a part time job and build some of my skills. I’ll let the future come when it does and I’ll see where life takes me. Sometimes we end up in careers we never imagined.

Your sister sounds really sweet for doing your nails. I haven’t done my nails for a while. I’m going to have dinner soon. Might try massaging my scalp and neck with a bamboo wooden brush to release some of the tension. I think I also need to de-stress my mind, my mind is stuck on worry mode. I’m trying to let go, and believe in fate. There will always be a lot of things we can control, and there will be some things we can control. I reckon this hyper-control mode is a trauma response, but I think I need to remind myself of things I can control. How do you cope with worry brain?

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definitely with you about the feedback and feeling appreciated! i feel like it motivates you to try again. without any sort of feedback, it's so hard to tell where to work on and it almost leaves us stuck i reckon?

absolutely hear you, jumping into a full time role at the hospital can be hectic. if their induction/training is good, then it can be a less stressful and smoother transition into the role/space and i truly think you'd be capable of working in those roles too (when you feel ready ofc!). sucks that there isn't many part time roles out there! yep, i remember looking for research roles, most of the ones that allow recent bachelor/honours graduates to apply were volunteer-based or short term roles ughhh. do you like the research side?

i like that 'going with the flow' vibe. it's so true, the world changes so fast and new opportunities are yet to present itself!

@creative_writer and you asked last time, how do i cope with worry brain?

learning why my worry brain exists (the way i was brought up, not receiving emotional support as a kid, not being taught about healthy self-esteem, not feeling safe, etc) helped me in realising that my negative thoughts/fears/anxieties are a result of those things, and that it's almost there as a form of protection. i used to think and accept negative thoughts of myself because that way, if someone else say it, it didn't hurt as much because i'd already said it 100 times before. it was like i was self-sabotaging myself, i hurt myself (something i had control over) before others potentially hurt me (which i don't have control of). it took me some time to work through that and realise that if i had grown up with parents/people who constantly praised and uplifted me, who encouraged me to be my own person, i'd be a whole different person. i'd be more confident, i'd have little to no anxieties, i'd feel no shame, etc. but i was not that person.

as a kid, i never felt 'safe' to be myself - i was always told to act a certain way, speak a certain way, wear certain clothes, avoid certain people, don't talk back to elders, etc. and after i entered adulthood, i've been slowly unlearning all those things and creating my own safe space to be myself - which has helped fight the worry brain. because now i know that things will be okay if i disappoint my parents, things will be okay if i go against them or disagree with them, things will be okay if i am my true self. if things don't go as expected, there's always another way, and eventually we will be okay. the world won't crumble (even though it feels like it will). reminding myself that my thoughts are going to come and go, but they don't need to be acted on helps me. and then doing things that help me feel safe (like wearing my fav clothes or drinking/eating my favourite things, watching my fav show, visiting my fav place, etc.). sorry that turned out SO much longer than i expected!!