New chapter

@rav3n the amount jobs available constantly changes, sometimes it slows down. Finding your first job after graduation is hard. I recently applied for a grad program, they said they got 104 applications and only 3 got selected. Obviously didn’t get it, I sorta messed up the second interview. However, they were kind enough to provide feedback. I really appreciated that, I don’t think an employer has ever been thorough with me. It is very competitive. I’m not sure if I was ready for the job. It’s a tricky one, I want to ideally find a job that won’t compromise my mental health, but job options are so limited when you’re first starting out. Hospital based mental health jobs are intense.

I’ve looked at other types of jobs that may be less emotionally demanding, but I’m applying for a whole range of jobs right now.

I’ll be honest,
I sort of miss studying, I’ve looked at research assistant options, but I’m competing with those who have PhDs.

Have you been up to much today?

@creative_writer wowww 3 out of 104, these graduate programs are so competitive! and honestly, even getting to the interview stage is such an achievement. that's so lovely that they gave you feedback! i've only ever gotten feedback once, but that was for my cover letter - and i'm so grateful for them, it definitely changed the way i did future cover letters. wish more companies gave constructive criticism rather than just a rejection message.

yeah hospital based jobs sound full on, and mental health related jobs in general can be challenging at times for sure. i think the company and team you work under makes a massive difference, and i hope the right one finds you. there's not many casual/part-time time of roles available right? i feel like starting slow helps sometimes. like working 1-2 days, then after a few months increasing to 3 days, then 4, etc.

i've just been thinking about how i sorta miss uni this week too. but i just hated exams and deadlines. do you reckon you'd ever study another course?

i haven't been up to much today. my sister did my nails though, and it turned out pretty decent! how about you? got much else on tonight?

@rav3n I agree getting feedback is so much better than a simple rejection. It also helps when they appreciate your efforts. We need more companies doing that. The competition is crazy, my friend took a while to land into a job after graduating, and even then it was a part time research assistant position.

Hospital is very intense and a lot of these jobs are full time. It felt too soon to go into a job like that. I was just suicidal last week, and I still have a long way to go in my healing. I wish there were more part time options. I feel like research has more part time options than clinical social work jobs. Only thing with research is there aren’t many job opportunities unless you have a PhD.

I have considered further study before, but right now I just want a part time job and build some of my skills. I’ll let the future come when it does and I’ll see where life takes me. Sometimes we end up in careers we never imagined.

Your sister sounds really sweet for doing your nails. I haven’t done my nails for a while. I’m going to have dinner soon. Might try massaging my scalp and neck with a bamboo wooden brush to release some of the tension. I think I also need to de-stress my mind, my mind is stuck on worry mode. I’m trying to let go, and believe in fate. There will always be a lot of things we can control, and there will be some things we can control. I reckon this hyper-control mode is a trauma response, but I think I need to remind myself of things I can control. How do you cope with worry brain?

i've had to hop off but i will read this and respond to this when i'm on next week!! @creative_writer

till then, hope the rest of your week goes well 💜

@rav3n I will see you when you’re back on, I hope you have a chill evening 💖

I completely understand how being busy and active help with intrusive thoughts - it certainly allows anxiety-brain to quiet, doesn't it? Going through changes, feeling burnt out, and experiencing pain are all really valid reasons for your anxiety being more prominent. I wonder if gentle movement could help in this instance? Or even journaling out how you feel?

Sitting with discomfort is sooo hard and I still find it really difficult, so you're not alone. It has become easier over time and with practice, there are lots of gentle approaches you could try.

For example, you could say to yourself "I am going to practice sitting with this feeling for 10 seconds, without engaging in my thoughts". And then each day you could increase it by 10, thereby gradually increasing your tolerance! What are your thoughts on this?

Breathing, grounding, music, and prayer sound like really nurturing ways to manage flashbacks - they definitely need a safe space when they appear, so I am glad you are turning to strategies like this. 💛

@AuntGlow on the positive the anxiety is better than it was last week. Though the med changes and other stuff is probably still contributing to current anxiety levels. My anxiety levels have also been elevated for so long, it’s hardly realistic to expect it to drop to a healthy level, it’ll take time.

I think I’ll need to slowly build up on sitting with discomfort. Emotional tolerance is a skill. I can’t say I’m flashback free, it just might be something I need to work around. I do feel focusing too much on my body sort of makes it worse. I need to use other strategies that would ground me, but not cause me to focus too much on my body.

Maybe I do not currently feel safe within my body, but I do hope I do one day. I just don’t know how I’ll get there

@creative_writer You seem to have a really grounded perspective on your anxiety at the moment, which shows me that you have got an active part of you that is able to create some separation from your anxious mind - *important to note! And I think this space is where safety could potentially live?

Slow, incremental change is key - titration, ever so slightly challenging that discomfort, but not so much that it's dysregulating and unsafe. I encourage you to talk more about ways to do this with your health professionals. I can see you have already done some wonderful work towards cultivating more inner balance.

Let's talk more on Sunday. 💛

@AuntGlow sometimes it’s hard not to worry about the future when some things in life are inevitable, everyone’s days a limited. Sometimes the harsh truth has to set in at one point, I’ve been trying so hard to avoid. When someone you know is really sick, you never know how the future will plan out