Barriers to seeking support (TW: Mentions self harm and CA)

Hi @NightFury I am glad your little trip today went well and that you were able to share things with your friend, see some nature and some animals. Maybe the pre-trip part of early morning study wasn't as good, but at least you got some study done.

I understand a bit more your hesitancy to go to GP now. Hopefully the GP you see will be nice and empathetic and you can start to feel ok about medical interactions.

One of the things I would like to do is advocate for trauma informed medical care at all levels.

As usual it often comes down to funding, with no incentive for longer GP consultations, in fact it is disincentivised.

@Till23 what's really interesting and I'm sitting with at the moment - in my attempt at self -care, building connections and a support system...I neglected other important parts of self-care. Wow!

Rhetorical question - How do I feel comfortable at the docs, how do I feel safe when it feels so...invasive and triggering and breaks the boundaries I've set to keep me safe? Hmmm...

And that's one thing I'm maybe learning at the moment, I don't have the skills to know how to ask for what I need and want, to advocate for myself, or the voice to do it. @tyme

@NightFury it's very difficult for people to be across everything all the time. Especially when there are other factors at play. You are trying to do a lot of things currently. You've recently moved, started a new job, started studying, started living by yourself. All of those things are huge.

You do have the skills @NightFury you have proven it by reaching out here.

I know it will be difficult but you don't have to go into a lot of detail to get the MHCP you will need to answer the 10 question K10 but the questions are general and are for anyone, so they don't concentrate on any particular area. You just need to briefly tell your story the GP will guide you.

One thing you can do is write yourself some notes. Or even write down exactly want you want to say and if you feel you can't say it give it to GP.

@NightFury hey, that fear can be absolutely paralysing hun. We can very easily say 'there's nothing to be scared of' but lizard brain doesn't understand anything other than 'is it safe or not?'

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@NightFury wrote:

It's like my brain is convinced that going to the doctor isn't safe.

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Sounds like your lizard brain certainly is!! Do you know what I mean by lizard brain? Can't remember if I've had this ramble with you or not haha but this post might help.

But yeah so when the brain's wiring says 'doctor=unsafe', lizard brain doesn't care that it's a different doctor. It doesn't care that you know you need to go, or that it will actually be a good thing in the end. It doesn't care cos it doesn't understand. The only thing lizard brain wants is to keep you safe, and the only things it knows are 'Fight, Run, Freeze, people-please' - so you can't really explain the nuance of modern medical systems to it....

So unfortunately, I got no magic formula that will make that fear go away. But for me, knowing that the fear is actually technically a rational fear (i.e. it is rational to be scared of the doctor when you've got medical trauma) helps to reduce the sense of shame. Turns out, the shame was actually a big part of the barrier too! This idea like 'I should be okay to go to a friggin doctor's appt without having a meltdown what is wrong with me!' - yeeeah that didn't help me get more comfy in going to the docs!! 😅

I will say - the more you go, the easier it gets. That, and don't be afraid to shop around if you don't like the GP you see. I cry in pretty much every one of my medical appts, so for me a good measure is how they respond to tears - my old doc got heaps uncomfortable and seemed to just wanna get me outta there. My new one immediately handed me tissues, made a joke about the tissue box, and ensured I was okay before she finished up the appt.

Planning definitely good! Ooh you could like, call the practice, maybe ask for a description of the place - or go in a day early to familiarise yourself with the location. The more knowledge you have of how the day will look, hopefully will mean fewer mental barriers to get there on the day!

And of course you got a whole community here to back you up!! 😊

.

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@NightFury wrote:

@Jynx sorry for the double post...I just wanna say that until this conversation, I didn't actually see how big of a thing this was for me...

It feels good to acknowledge it and see the connections. Thank you.

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@NightFury can be hard to realise just how impacted we are hey.

You're very welcome hun.

@Till23 hey hi!! Thanks for also pointing out the part about how easy the k10 is!! I mean like... not easy like it's a breeze but no where near as scary as you think. I think you could look it up online @NightFury so you even know what questions you're gonna be asked.

You are never obliged to share more than what you're comfortable with. This isn't about telling your story, it's just a snapshot of where you're at. Oh! Something I also used to struggle with was accidentally/unconsciously belittling my struggles. Because I was soooo entrenched in my shame, it was almost like I didn't even want my doctor to know cos what if they judged me too? So I would often downplay my pain or symptoms without realising.

It's legit okay to be a little dramatic - we get so used to masking our pain we can mask it even from ourselves at times.

Hmm altho now I think about it, I imagine it would be pretty difficult to unmask fully, cos of the 'attention-seeking' narrative that you've been shouldered with. So yeah writing stuff down could be a good way to mitigate that - like write down your experiences as though you were writing in a journal, not talking to a doc, might help you report honestly. Then just take that in with you!

That ended up being a wall of text, woopsie!! Let me know if you want me to clarify anything 😅

How are you anyway @Till23?

@Till23 @Jynx hold up...give me a second, so much here to reply to...

Ummm...

@Till23 I found out about my melanoma when I went to see a gp about getting stress leave from work. I was being bullied at work. I happened to ask them to check a mole that was itchy.

Notes would work for me, because I often go super quiet and lose my words when I'm feeling like I'm outside of what's comfortable for me.

@Jynx thank you for sharing that, we haven't had that conversation yet. But you sharing is a good reminder for me.

I get really...flighty for want of a better word. I want out and I want out now...when I go to see a doctor. I can't sit in the waiting room - I pace, I get the knee bounce, I fidget. It's actually a huge effort to sit and be still so I don't draw attention. Which I guess is the flight response activating. And the when talking to the actual doctor...I don't feel like I'm being a nice, kind person. I get defensive, and short and give off clear, "leave me alone" vibes.

Then if I have to have anything done, it has to be my way, or not at all. When I had my melanoma surgery, I flat out refused to be knocked out. They had to compromise or it wasn't going to happen. I had to be seated, they gave me numbing injections, and I had to be able to watch them like a hawk. I don't like feeling difficult. I've refused treatment because it involved touch. They don't deserve to have to deal with my attitude. I guess that's shame related.

I love the suggestions for pre-planning. Thank you.

OMG! the unconsciously belittling my struggles. I am like...always okay, even when I'm not. Today, I met with a safe person, a friend with lived experience and the only person I currently have in my support network and I left feeling like...I had sugar coated the whole conversation. And I disconnect all emotion from it.

I feel like I don't unmask anywhere. Maybe at home when no one else is around. Maybe here? But even then, I don't really...communicate the really super challenging days to the full extent. It actually frustrates me that I feel like I can't be anything other than okay.

And also...I just downplay things because...I don't know if I can really explain why. It has just...never been safe for me to be vulnerable.

Yes, I agree with @Jynx about you only needing to give a snapshot @NightFury. The GP only needs to know enough to be able to write the MHCP. Sometimes the GP knowing a little bit more, though will help the GP to maybe suggest a particular psychologist.

TW: SI, mentions of child abuse

I've got at least some idea of how difficult this might be for you.

But you can get through it, it is a pathway to a calmer state.

One third of GP consultations are about mental health, all GPs have heard it before, you will not be the first story they have heard.

@Till23thank you for sharing. I just want to acknowledge that before I say...

I have never said it outloud.

Neither had I @NightFury