Barriers to seeking support (TW: Mentions self harm and CA)

@NightFury firstly, so much of this i can relate to and I'm grateful that you have been able to put it out there cos I feel it's going to help me aswell. So I'm really thankful to you for sharing all of this and tagging me.

I completely understand that feeling of things escalating, it's such a scary space to be in. But the fact that you have recognised it is great and shows you have insight and awareness, yes it's usually because we have been in this place before so we know the warning signs and alarm bells all too well. No apologies necessary, I'm so glad I was able to be there for you the other night and I'll always do my best to support you however I can. I'm glad you took the day yesterday to nurture and be gentle with yourself, it takes so much out of you when things are as hard as this.

You are doing amazing at finding ways to help yourself through this. I'm proud of you for being able to open up more and talk about things, it really does take strength and bravery to do so. So glad you have started the guided recovery program and I really hope you find it helpful. Well done for working on a safety plan, remember with distractions it's trial and error to find what will be helpful for you so don't get discouraged if something doesn't feel like it's working, there's plenty of things to try and I'm always happy to chat if that's a good distraction aswell.

That statement has stuck with me 'I know i need help'. But the barriers, the fear and anxiety over it. This is where you really hit home for me cos it's all so much like me. So this is the hard part for me to read, accept and try to understand. It really gets me emotional to know that I can't just get help so that I can try to be better.

I very much understand the financial barrier, but there is options out there, it can just take time to find something affordable and suitable. Programming is a tough one, I'm so sorry you have been made to feel that way but, I want to say that you getting help it's not attention seeking but i also know that our brains are wired to think otherwise. I've been made to think that I'm not worthy of support, that everything I've ever done has only ever been for attention including the SH and suicide attempts. I won't go into more of my story here as this is your thread, but I do understand very much about the programming and how hard it is to overcome that. Talking to a stranger face to face is a massive one for me aswell and I have mostly done things via phone. Admitting that you need help and saying those words does not mean that you are failing at life, it means that you are human and at times we all need help. The thought of hospital is a scary one for me aswell, knowing I have Casper and a house to look after and I don't have anyone to help with things so I avoid hospital at all costs. But when it comes to your job one would hope they would be understanding and appreciate the fact that you are getting support, mental health is more acknowledged and accepted these days. Guilt and shame is a tough one and i think most of us here feel that way that we can't function or adult properly and that we don't have it all together, and it's so hard to see people that do have it all together then you question what's wrong with me, why can't I just be like that etc. Remember though, not everyone has been through things that we have, there's reasons why we are how we are and it's a process for us to get to a point of trying to have our sh!t together. Medications aren't a sure fix either, they are best used in combination with therapy and again it's trial and error of finding one's that work for you. For myself I was on one medication for 15 years and it wasn't working, I've tried a couple of others since then but I've had severe reactions and a history of taking too much, it's just too risky for me to be on any medications. It's really something to discuss with a gp and psychs cos they can work with you and monitor things closely.

My barriers are mostly what you have listed here but I've also been let down and hurt by professionals. I've also been abused for trying to get help so reaching out for support really doesn't come easy for me at all. I am yet to overcome the barriers to getting support but I'm trying and there's a couple of steps that I've made over the past few weeks that are in the right direction. You have already started to get support which is fantastic, now it's just a matter of working out how to get to the next step.

@MissGremlin thank you for replying. I know that big posts and big replies are challenging, so I appreciate that you took the time. I had a feeling this might be relatable for others, as well as maybe help me, so this is why I put it up as a separate discussion. Thank you for sharing how it relates to you, because it helps to know that others are or have been experiencing the same thing or something similar.

Knowing that you need help, but not seeing a solid way of being able to get it for yourself, is something that weighs kinda heavy. I kinda want to ask someone to help me map it out - here are the steps, here's what I need to do, here's what it's going to look like and feel like and be like...

@NightFury sometimes I get overwhelmed by long posts but they also at times are good at keeping me focused when I have to read through something over and over again in order to reply. It's nice to know that we're not the only ones in this position and that there are lots of people that have overcome the barriers and been able to get support.

It really does weigh heavily, i feel that. Maybe it's something we could work on together, a bit of a plan as to what steps we can take first. I'm sure @Jynx @Ru-bee @rav3n @AuntGlow would be willing to offer support with this. I know there's no real way of knowing what it's going to feel or be like cos that only comes once you start.

@MissGremlin I would like that - to build a support network around this. Others are welcome as well, of course.

@NightFury sounds like a good plan. Of course others are welcome, the more the better 😊

Thanks for starting this thread @NightFury. I think probably nearly everybody has barriers for seeking support, so this post will likely resonate with many.

I think the financial barriers are widespread and there probably needs to be some advocacy around this problem.
The fact that only 10 psychological session per year are subsided by Medicare is a major issue for people with complex mental health issues.

Having a limited support network is also a problem if you have an inpatient stay. Especially so, if you have pets. As you say, someone needs to care for them. Plus effects on other things and work etc.

You have covered many barriers in your post, other forum members will likely add to that.

You definitely aren’t the only one struggling with accessing support.

@Till23 thank you for sharing.

The financial barrier is a big one. I stopped going to the Dr when they stopped bulk billing because it becomes too much on top of other expenses. And that's not a good thing for me - I'm supposed to have regular check ups following a melanoma diagnosis a while ago now. I don't know if I can afford to seek a MH diagnosis or to reach out to other supports and that's hard to sit with. It makes me angry.

And, I have no support network, so...it's a thing.

hey @NightFury really appreciate your openness 💜

i can relate to some of your barriers too. i think feeling too overwhelmed, afraid of judgement/invalidation and guilty for burdening my family/friends were some big ones. the overwhelm at the start was mainly because i knew i needed support, but i didn't know how to ask and what would happen if i did say something. the first time i reached out, it didn't go too well - i struggled to articulate what was going on and had my anxiety dismissed as 'normal stress' with no further support provided. but then i studied a bit of psych in uni which is where i learnt about GP referrals and mental health care plan - only after that did i reach out again, cos this time i felt like i had a rough idea of what to expect and what sort questions they ask.

the reprogramming of those negative thoughts/feelings takes time, years of time in most cases. and that's okay - i think there's a misconception that the healing journey has to be linear in order to be working but that's simply not true. sometimes things might get worse before they get better, and those 'downs/low' moments are also opportunities to practice the self-soothing/self-care strategies we learn. changing thoughts and feeling safer takes practice from what i've seen, it's something you work on consistently - and yes, it can be exhausting and hard but it will also be worth it in the end.

shame and guilt is a heavy one, and i think being in peer spaces like this has really helped me with letting go of that (thanks to the amazing people out here). there will be times when it pops back up, but i remind myself that i am just as deserving as everyone else for support. if my friend was struggling, i'd jump immediately to help them again and again. hell, i'd probably help a stranger too - so why am i not giving myself the same love and care? yes i might've messed up and done the wrong thing here and there, maybe i've said things i shouldn't, maybe i've been unhelpful and lazy, etc., BUT these are things that all humans are at times. no one is perfect! oh and another thing that helped me was thinking about physical health - when we have back pain or sprains our ankle or have a nasty flu, we don't resist as much in going to the docs, we take leave if needed, we rest, etc. so thinking of my mental health in the same way helped me change. i feel like i can go on and on with this one, this topic is such a good one! but i will pause here, don't wanna overwhelm ya with too much!

the important thing is being kind to yourself and giving yourself space to mess up and get back up. it's going to take time and effort to rewire and process things, and learn new strategies/tools for coping - but we're all here for you. take things one small step at a time 😊

@rav3n thank you for your response. It's a long one, but I value it and I don't know whether I can address all of it right now, but I hear you.

Part of the problem is that I don't know how to be kind to myself. I don't know what it looks like and what it feels like, what it means for me. It's frustrating because I've tried and just slip right back into the harsh thought patterns.

My healing journey has been a convoluted mess. It's been anything but linear. I don't want things to get worse, because it's already pretty horrible. I think the fear is one reason for pushing myself to reach out for more support.

The physical health one is so true - I would use more self care and rest and empathy for myself if it was a physical ailment. Not sure why...perhaps that's something to unpack someday.

I have to constantly remind myself to take things one step at a time, I'm a "leap tall buildings with a single bound" kind of person. And it's something that's come up for me before, in other aspects of my life.

@NightFury definitely no pressure to address my post, i only realised how big it was after i posted 😅

absolutely hear you - i guess when speaking negatively about ourselves has been the default for decades, being kind to ourselves feels foreign. i remember it made me super uncomfortable at the start, even things like compliments were hard for me to hear from others, i struggled to even say 'thank you' to it cos it felt inaccurate and fake.

being kind can start with statements that are more neutral - for example, when i've messed something up, my automatic thought response would be 'i'm useless, i can't get anything right. no wonder everyone hates me' but instead, i practiced rephrasing it to a more neutral thought like, 'i'm angry that i messed up but that's okay. making a mistake does not make me useless, it makes me as human as anyone else'.

when our body is used to overreacting to a stressor, it takes time to remind it that emotions like anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, etc., are okay and normal. because at some point in our childhood were taught it wasn't okay and weren't given the space to safely feel it/process it and let it go. but now, we can learn again and remind ourselves that these feelings are okay and will pass.

i do hear you about not wanting it to get worse. and unfortunately i cannot guarantee that it won't get worse, but i can assure you that things will get better over time. it's kinda like learning to ride a bike - you can either 1. never learn (and thus miss out on a skill/improving your motor skills) or 2. you risk falling and stumbling in order to learn how to ride independently. okay maybe that's not the best example but i hope you get what i mean.

it took me years between realising i needed help and then actually getting help. everyone works at their own pace, and when you are ready, we're here with you so that the leap feels a lil less scary. ahh i just realised how long this post is too IM SORRY pls don't feel pressured to reply to it!!