Battles

@Jynx there was a shift alright, right down to the darkest depths where I'm not yet able to pull myself out of 😞. I had an appointment with my doctor this morning and after that I messaged my counsellor knowing that I need support, she rang me this afternoon.

Trigger warning as mentions SI and SH

I'm safe for now and I've promised my counsellor that I'll call an ambulance if I feel myself slipping. At the moment I have Casper laying across my legs while I'm in my bed watching angel and Buffy.

@MissGremlin oh hun, I am so very sorry to hear that about the rental increase. It sounds incredibly stressful, when you're out here just trying to survive and then one of your basic safety needs is now threatened or gone. Do you have support for finding new housing/is that what your gp is helping with? I wish ever so much that I could do more than just shake my fist angrily in the general direction of capitalist greed 😡

Try not to be too hard on yourself for falling back into those ways of coping hun. They're not ideal, but our nervous systems sometimes do what they need to and seek out the familiar. I'm glad your counsellor is looking out for you as well.

Which episode are you up to? Fav quote from the episode?

@Jynx it's just that there was already so much going on and I knew my lease renewal was coming up, there was just that little part that was hoping they wouldn't increase it. My gp has done a letter to housing SA but we already know that they won't help. We went through this all last year and nothing has changed except that this time there's no way I can afford any increase whatsoever.

Those coping strategies are the lesser of 2 evils right now. My counsellor is frustrated at the situation I'm in and she's doing her best to help me get the support i need. It's just really scary right now and things are very much touch and go, I don't like being in this space.

I'm up to season 6 episode 14 of Buffy. It's very much just noise in the background right now.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're expecting to experience homelessness @MissGremlin 🥹

All I feel I can do is offer my prayers and hope you can either get the rent increase reduced or find another place! It sounds like a very unsettling and scary situation! 💜

I had to push myself to do the simplest tasks. I've done my dishes, taken the rubbish bin out and the recycling, washed the bin out, cleaned my bird out and picked up Caspers poop and everything is in the big bin outside cos it's bin night. Now I'm exhausted and all I want to do is lay down on my lounge and shut off from everything. But yet I'm feeling so overwhelmed, i feel restless and as though i can't just keep still which i don't like cos then there's that fear of not being able to stay in control. I want things to get easier, I'm tired of this constant fight and the battle within.

I'm safe for now. I'm trying to slow things down but it's hard when everything inside my head is loud and racing. I'm going to put a movie on, snuggle with Casper and hope it's enough to settle things even just a little.

Well done on getting those jobs done, my friend @MissGremlin

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️.

How's things over there?

Thankyou @heartathome sweet ❤️.

Things feel kind of strange today. @MissGremlin I'm not sure why though. I can't sit still. It probably has something to do with the fact that I forgot to take my meds.

I'm currently sitting in an hour and a half zoom meeting on behaviour support.

@NightFury oh I hear you sweet, it sounds so tough to sit with especially cos you have a zoom meeting as well.

Sitting with you sweetheart and sending you hugs ❤️