@Till23
I think I mentioned about my last oncology appointment in our coping with life's difficulties discussion. I had the appointment in the last morning, had a GP appointment in the afternoon as well as a few other things I had to do, and then my support group in the evening. After I got home from that, I had to start packing ready to leave for the airport first thing in the morning to spend a week with a friend in WA. I had a great time, i never thought about any of the stuff going on her at all while I was there. And then as soon as I got back it all sort of hit me I guess. I just hardly had a chance to think about what was said at the oncology appointment on that Thursday as I just had so much to do until leaving for the airport the following morning.
So when i got back, the reality sort of set in, and i realised for the first time since starting this whole prostate cancer 'journey' i had no hope. To be told i had to sit at home with both hormone therapies no longer working and a PSA doubling one every 6-8 weeks, and just wait for it to grow and spread until i was stage 4 just seems like too little too late. Especially after being told due to the aggressiveness with it becoming resistant to both hormone therapies within 6 months for each one, chemo was likely to be just as ineffective. I just dont feel like there's any hope left and the end is coming quickly.
I did ask about trials and immunotherapy, but was told i'd need to be stage 4 for any trials and immunotharapy isn't really used with prostate cancer yet. So even if the DNA sequencing shows a mutation that viable for immunotherapy, like lutetium, it will be very very expensive. Not really something most people can afford. My GP wants me to go interstate as he said Adelaide care is far to conservative, and my new psychologist (a cancer specialist) suggested paying to see a private oncologist. So i really just don't know what to think or do right now. I'm so mentally exhausted. It feels like my oncologist has just written me off, and i guess i've just given up.
When i asked him about the DNA testing, he said we could also test for the BRACA and ATM gene mutations once i was stage 4. Now when i first went to him in March last year, one of the first things he said was that he would send off a sample from storage to test for these. But now apparently that never happened and he doesn't even remember talking about it.
All the stress and worry, on top of the depression is just getting too much. It's such a struggle to keep my mind distracted and, as i said, i'm just mentally exhausted. I still really dont know how there can be so little hope and no options (after surgery, radiation and 2x hormone therapies) while still only being stage 3 while knowing chemo is likely to not buy much time at all. All the while i have to keep doing all of this support, awareness, and studies work with a smile on my face because it's the only thing left that gives me any sense of purpose while i'm still here. It's just so hard to talk to anyone about this. Medical people just tell me "it's tough", and other people say "you can't give up!". But they're not living with this fight day and (especially) night! It's so easy for them to say.
