Battles

@MissGremlin I’m really sorry things have been so awful, especially after you’d been hoping the mental health team might be able to offer you some support. I can understand why you’d feel so defeated

You're not a failure, you’re struggling right now, and that doesn’t make you any less worthy of care or support

I’m glad you’re safe for the moment, but when you say you don’t fully feel safe, please don’t wait until Wednesday if things become harder to manage. You can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, both available 24/7. If you feel you may act on your thoughts or are in immediate danger, please call 000

For now, you don’t need to face the whole day. Just focus on getting through the next little while and being gentle with yourself 💛

@Nala2022 I'm sorry I can't even communicate right now (I'm safe). I'm stepping away before I get in trouble. I just wrote an email to have my account deleted cos I don't feel that deserve to be here, I didn't send it, it's sitting in my drafts for now.

You don’t need to apologise @MissGremlin. It’s completely okay to step away and take some space, you don’t need to explain everything

I’m glad you’ve told me you’re safe. Please don’t make any big decisions about your account while you’re feeling so overwhelmed. You can leave that email sitting in your drafts and come back to it when you’re feeling a little more settled

You do deserve support and you do deserve to be here. Please try and be gentle with yourself right now 💛

Feeling so upset and frustrated right now. The last 3 nights I've slept mostly through the night, still felt exhausted during the day though. I really thought that just maybe things were getting better with my sleeping, but tonight it's all come crashing down. I went to bed feeling so tired but riddled with thoughts/urges so I used my coping strategies to try my best to push through them, nothing was helping so I tried to sleep but 3 hours later I'm still awake, still stuck with those thoughts/urges plus feeling like I have a seizure coming. The tiredness has gone so I'm stuck awake now and I'm struggling to find a reason to keep fighting, I feel like I'm going to fail and that thought in itself is so hard to sit with and also so scary.

I'm safe, laying here snuggled up with Casper. I did try to get through to lifeline to chat but unfortunately they are busy and it can't even connect me. I just needed to get this out. Hoping that I'm able to sleep soon.

Hey @MissGremlin, sounds like these last few nights have been rough with so much going on. It can be so exhausting when you are already tired, but still can't sleep. These urges also sound really intense. I am glad shared (and are feeling) safe at the moment. Know we are here for you, and you deserve support. You can always try calling services again or some places also text/instant message options. Take care and hope you get to sleep soon

Hello @oolive, thankyou ❤️.

I feel like I've hit a wall tonight, things are feeling so incredibly heavy. Last night, today and tonight the thoughts/urges have been constant and so loud. I've honestly been trying so hard to push through them, I've done diamond art, listened to music, watched TV shows, had something to eat/drink, talked to friends online, talked to a crisis service, cuddled Casper, walked around my garden, tried to sleep. But the second I stop they become so loud again and it's so hard to fight them. Tonight I'm sitting here thinking what am I fighting them for and struggling with the thought of not wanting to keep fighting, just wanting relief, wanting peace. I know it's a dangerous space to be in and I'm trying to not sit alone with it, I'm just beyond exhausted and that's when it becomes the hardest to see a way through but more seeing a way out.

For the moment I'm safe, and I'm working on keeping it that way, I'm laying in bed with Casper snuggled up to me. I just needed to share where things are sitting for me and to not feel so alone with it. I'm trying my best to keep pushing through even when i don't feel like it, just hoping that my best is good enough.

Hi @MissGremlin,

I can hear that things are feeling incredibly heavy and experiencing constant loud thoughts and urges. It is understandable that you are feeling exhausted constantly battling these thoughts. I want to acknowledge the strength you have shown by reaching out for support and doing things for yourself to try and push through tonight. These thoughts and urges can feel really overwhelming and challenging to cope with and navigate and you have done so well coming to the community and opening up. You are not alone.

It is really important you are receiving the support you need and deserve. I can see that you have reached out to a crisis support tonight and I encourage you to reach out again if you feel you need to. If these thoughts are getting more intense and you are concerned for your safety please call 000.

Hello @TranquilTurtle, they most definitely are so overwhelming and it's such a challenge to navigate them especially when it feels like nothing helps to make them stop or even quieten them for a while. Thankyou for the kind words ❤️.

I'm safe and talking to a crisis service again at the moment, really hoping that I'm able to get some sleep soon.

Throwing you Indi’s golf ball tonight @MissGremlin 💜💫. Thinking of you