Today's felt really hard, i didn't get much sleep last night but I was still hoping that I could get my routine done. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, I tried to do other things and managed to clean the oven then head to the shops after so I didn't have to go over the weekend. The shops were ok, it was quiet but after half way through i felt things crash, there was just this wave come over me that made me feel sad and overwhelmed. I wasn't alone so couldn't show anything and just had to keep pushing through, I've never had that happen before though.
I was glad to get home and unpack all the shopping, I did lunch and then decided to lay down. I was laying in bed and started getting sleepy but as soon a I tried to sleep i couldn't, I was tossing and turning with a million thoughts racing through me. I only managed to get about 30 minutes of sleep in the 5 hours that I had the chance to rest.
I'm still laying here but I'm feeling so emotional, like I could just burst into tears but I don't want to. The intensity of the thoughts is starting to really take a toll, it's exhausting having to fight so hard every second of the day and night. I did try to reach out to a crisis service earlier but when it connected I couldn't find the words of how things felt, there's so much swirling inside that it's hard to make sense of everything.
I'm safe at the moment, Casper is snuggled up to me. I'm about to get up and see if I can find something to eat as I think I'm hungry, I'm not really sure. Just needing to get this out and to not feel so alone.
