Battles

Hello @Jynx, today just doesn't go as planned at all. I was meant to see my support worker but when she messaged me I had dozed off, she said she could be at my place in 15 minutes if I wanted support today, I didn't see it until it was too late 😞. Then I had an appointment which took almost 2 hours of messing around, a blood test in my wrist that's tender now and still no answers as to why my lactate levels are high. It's been 3 years now of this, 3 years of my heart rate spiking for seemingly no reason, 3 years of various tests that have revealed nothing. I feel completely exhausted and drained. I was at the shops for a couple hours after my appointment and I came home with a headache from that. I just want to call today a write off and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Oh that sucks about missing your SW @MissGremlin I can imagine how frustrating that is, even though it sounds like maybe you needed the snooze!

The not knowing is so hard, I'm sorry that there's been no answers for you so you can address things. Those feelings of powerlessness are very difficult to sit with. I think you're right - today is a write off! Self-care and Casper snuggles all the way.

@Jynx today it started with one thing going wrong and then the whole day just kept getting worse. My head is pounding despite taking pain relief this morning and this afternoon, I won't take anymore today now as there's still alot in my system. The headspins from medication withdrawal are horrible and I'm not sure how long they're going to last.

In other news I've got a date for the holter monitor for my heart to be put on again (2nd October) and I have the mental health team coming out on Sunday to hopefully get more longer term support. I've been told that my support worker is meant to be for 2-3 hours twice a week but yet all I'm getting is 1 hour once a week, so the package is going to be extended to give me more support and I've requested another worker. I have my appointment tomorrow morning to get my sleep study results aswell. Lots happening and I'm really hoping that it's the start of getting proper support and hopefully answers so that moving forward we can find ways of managing things.

I've just sat in bed, I've got my iced coffee, some chocolate and Casper snuggled up with me.

@MissGremlin going through withdrawals is bound to be a rollercoaster. I hope it eases off soon.

Sounds like a lot happening, which can certainly make for a busy mind - but I do hope that it results in some much-needed stability for you. I wish you the best for the appt tomorrow too ;)

Give Casper some scritches from me!

@Jynx I hope it eases soon, it's my own fault so got noone to blame but myself.

Thankyou sweet, will definitely give Casper some extra scritches for you ❤️.

I just need to get this out, It's been another horrible day. I had my sleep study appointment this morning which whilst it gives me answers, there's basically nothing i can do about it which is disappointing and my sleep apnoea will likely be in the severe range within the next 2 years. I went to the shops after and I was only there a short time before my head started pounding, I got home and it was a full on migraine yet again. I took pain relief and hoped it would settle but it wasn't so I ended up laying down for an hour but kept getting disturbed so it didn't go away. I got up and took more pain relief which then triggered me cos of recent events, the pain relief still didn't help and I ended up having to lay down for another 40 minutes. Everytime I stood up i felt like I was going to be sick but I had no choice but to do dinner and dishes and deal with lots of noise around me.

The days are getting harder to get through, I don't know if it's still cos of everything coming out of my system or if this is just going to be my life now. Basically everyday since Saturday I've ended up with a migraine, but they come on so suddenly and they completely knock me about. My doctor didn't take my concerns seriously when i talked to him on Tuesday so I feel like I'm on my own trying to manage things. I'm exhausted, I'm sore and I feel like i want to give up, I just don't have any strength in me.

I'm safe and I’ve done my bedtime routine and I'm now sitting in bed with an iced coffee and a new diamond art to start.

As if the day wasn't hard enough then the night is aswell 😞. I've dozed off so many times already but keep having nightmares and waking up in a panic or just waking up panicked for no reason. This is what they expect me to live with, REM sleep apnoea. It's unbearable, it's affecting me every day with headaches, migraines, constant exhaustion. The sleep study was done to hopefully find what was happening and then being able to find a solution to help fix it, but there isn't one that's even suitable for me.

I'm safe, laying in bed with Casper snuggled up to me. Trying to keep myself distracted until I can ease the panic and hopefully go back to sleep again. I just needed to get this out and to not feel so alone.

Hi @MissGremlin

Not being able to sleep 😴is challenging and it makes sense this is having a massive impact on your everyday functioning and mental well-being. It's great to see you reaching out here to share your struggles - you are not alone🪶🌸✨. It's also great that you are trying to keep yourself distracted to help ease the panic. I can hear that it's difficult to feel as if things can get better where it's hard to know how you can keep fighting, where you feel as if you are to blame. This sounds like such a challenging mental space to be in🥀. I encourage you to to reach out for some one to one support too - your thoughts and feelings are important🦋. I also wanted to let you know I made a minor edit to the section with the Content Warning to better fit with the guidelines around sharing graphic details.

Question to the community - What helps you to challenge those negative thoughts when they feel overwhelming? I'll leave a resource here that may be helpful too 👉🏼 https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/techniques-and-guides/a-cbt-based-thought-challenging-activity

👉🏼 https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/topics/panic-attacks

Hello @TunedIn, thankyou ❤️. It's just taking such a huge toll, the days are hard enough but to not being able to rest and recharge at night makes things so much harder.

Unfortunately the panic makes it hard to settle for a long time after. The last time I woke up it was after a really scary nightmare so now that keeps playing out in my head so going back to sleep is proving to be a real challenge. I got up to have a drink and walked around my house to try to settle things a bit. Mostly I've just been laying here with Casper snoring in my ear.

I've actually been waiting to connect to lifeline for over an hour and a half so far. Thankyou for the resources.

I'm so tired of feeling sick and my head pounding, it's happening everyday. I worked up the courage to reach out to health direct this morning to discuss my symptoms with them, it wasn't overly helpful given the recommendation was to call 000 and go back to hospital. I'm not exactly confident in going back given they were so quick to want to get rid of me last time and sent me home when I was not ready for it, so I'm trying my best to manage things at home. It's just horrible my head starts pounding and spinning and then I get hit with nausea, I can't do anything but lay down to try to ease the feelings. I can't even do my diamond art or anything as sitting/standing makes it feel worse. I feel completely useless, even the things that help me to regulate i can't do cos the nausea gets too severe. I struggle with just laying still, the thoughts/urges get so loud and given how I'm feeling it's hard to resist them. I'm so desperate for relief, to feel ok, to not feel sick or dizzy and for my head to not hurt. I just needed to get things out, it's so hard sitting alone with everything. I'm safe for now, laying on my lounge with Casper next to me.