Battles

@Nala2022 deep down I know that but it's still so hard.

That's exactly right, as i said to my friend i just need understanding, care and love right now. Not to be judged or told that I did this to myself cos I already know that and beat myself up enough over it.

I haven't done any diamond for a couple of days now so I'm actually missing it.

Not being able to sleep is taking a huge toll on me, I become so desperate for relief that I'll do anything to get it even if that means harming myself in the process. It's such a viscous cycle and one I'm unsure how to break and whether it's actually possible. Running on such little sleep every day is exhausting and debilitating, it's torture.

Once again tonight is like any other night, I sleep for a few minutes, wake up after having a nightmare and being in a panic, or simply waking up for seemingly no reason but in a complete panic. I'm so over it, i want it to stop, i want to be able to sleep through the night or at least without nightmares and panic, but how can I make it happen safely?.

I'm safe laying in bed with Casper snuggled up to me. I just needed to get this out rather than sitting alone with it cos right now I'm very close to being that desperate that I want to fall back on what I know helps to just be able to sleep, but I'm not going to, I'm trying my best to stay strong and I'll reach out to a crisis service if I need to.

Just needing to vent. Today has not been my day, I woke up with a nasty headache but it was more a pain in my head. I took pain relief which helped to some degree, enough to be able to function. I had to go to the shops and managed to get mostly through it until I got to the car to pack things into bags, then my head full on started pounding and I started to feel so sick. My headache/head pain had turned into a migraine that hit so suddenly and I still had to drive home. I got home unpacked the shopping and took more pain relief and an anti nausea tablet and I've been laying down since but I keep getting waves of vertigo even with my eyes closed. I only have a few minutes until I need to organise dinner but the thought of having to stand and touch food really doesn't appeal to me at all. Feeling like this is horrible and I'm feeling so down cos I just want to feel ok 😞. I'm safe, snuggled up with Casper who keeps gently licking my forehead.

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing so much pain and ickiness @MissGremlin I hope that you have been able to feed yourself and find some ways to soothe. Glad you are staying connected and have Casper there to keep you company <3

@Jynx it's been a rough run for a while for me, really need some smooth sailing for a bit but not sure I'm lucky enough to get that. I did manage to have a little bit of pasta for dinner, I wasn't really hungry but still tried to eat something. I'm in bed now with my iced coffee, diamond art and Casper of course. Just very thankful that my head has stopped pounding.

How have you been going sweet?

@MissGremlin glad you were able to get some food into you! And glad you're staying connected and looking after yourself. I hope tomorrow is a little easier for you <3

Thankyou @Jynx, I hope you have a good evening sweet ❤️.

hello @Jynx 

Was yesterday even real, did I just dream it? What happened to the good feelings I had, it's all just gone and it doesn't feel like i even had them at all 😞. I feel so broken today, I have nothing in me, it's empty inside, it's just darkness and it's consuming me completely. I don't understand it or myself, nothing changed, nothing happened so why did it all crash down. I feel burnt out and it's only Wednesday, I still have so much to do this week. I'm sorry for being so down, I tried so hard, I had so much hope that just maybe things could change. I have tears that want to come out but I'm scared to let them, I'm so tired and just want to sleep. I'm safe, laying in bed with Casper. I need to do things but I have nothing in me right now.

Hiya @Shaz51 how's your world?

@MissGremlin I'm sorry that today feels so hard compared to yesterday. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong or that you won't be able to feel the way you did yesterday ever again. You've nothing to be sorry for, you're doing your best and that is always gonna look different day to day. Maybe today is about protecting the little energy that you have and focusing on small steps. Sending chill vibes your way <3