Battles

Thank you for sharing this with me @MissGremlin. I wonder if there is a safe way you can be with or express this anger? What do you think this anger needs most right now?

I am glad you were able to eat tonight, this is really positive and will help with regulation.

It's really positive that you have had some support today as well, I am so glad that you opened up with her. The psychiatric support option sounds like a great pathway for you right now too. You're doing so much better than you may realise. 🥰

@AuntGlow I'm not sure, I'm trying to push it aside and focus on my diamond art but there's things happening here that are making me overwhelmed.

I'm trying to take it as a small win even with the nausea.

Thankyou sweet, I know i need proper and intensive support to be able to get through this. When I was talking to my support worker today I told her how I always have a plan in place for suicide and that I'd like to one day not have to have that there. I don't like that my first thought when I get overwhelmed or when something goes wrong, that I go straight to thoughts of suicide.

I think it's such a glimmer to notice that a part of you would like to not have your plan there - it shows that this part of you has hope for the future and knows that things can be different with the right support. @MissGremlin

And it sounds like your mind goes there because this is the most familiar pathway... but that doesn't mean it's the only pathway (it will just take a little rewiring, which you are doing right now by reaching out and allowing yourself time and space to gently and intentionally make change). 💛

@AuntGlow I'm feeling really upset and angry, I just failed 😞. It all got too much and all it took was a moment where I lost focus, I'd done so well the last 2 nights. It's so hard trying to get through without having proper support.

There's a part of me that has that hope but it's subconsciously cos I don't see it myself.

Anyway I'm safeish, getting very sleepy now though. I'll finish this diamond art and then go to sleep.

Hello @Nala2022, I'm sorry for tagging you here. I'm feeling really down and like I've messed everything up here. I didn't mean for things to go so wrong yesterday and Friday, it all got too much. But I feel like the world is against me now and it's really affecting me. (I'm safe).

Hey @MissGremlin, you don’t need to apologise for tagging me 💛

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down and like everything has gone wrong. It sounds like Friday and yesterday were just really overwhelming for you, and I can understand why that’s weighing on you now

You haven’t messed everything up. Try to be gentle with yourself today and take things one moment at a time. I’m glad you’re safe. We're here for you. I'll be on for another hour, we can chat if you'd like 💛

@Nala2022 I'm trying to not be a bother as I know yesterday was alot on everyone and I'm truly sorry for it. I did this to myself and that part hurts and I'm angry at myself for it. Right now I don't know how to let go of those feelings.

I'm trying so hard to be gentle with myself, I'm really emotional today. I rang a friend before just to talk to him cos everything was feeling so heavy. Thankyou for being here sweet, it means alot. Have you been up to anything?

You’re not a bother at all @MissGremlin. Please don’t feel like you need to apologise for yesterday, you were going through a really difficult time. Try not to be too hard on yourself for what happened, I know it’s easier said than done.

I’m glad you reached out to your friend and had someone to talk to when everything was feeling heavy. Sometimes having someone there to listen can help a little 💛

I’m just having a pretty quiet day today, nothing too exciting. My mum will be here just over an hour for a visit which will be nice. What are you up to today lovely?

Thankyou @Nala2022 sweet ❤️. It's really hard to not want to punish myself for it. The part that I was originally taken to hospital for was my fault but then my heart playing up, that was out of my control and scary as hell (I'm safe).

It was helpful to have someone to just talk to in that moment.

A quiet day sounds wonderful, I hope you enjoy the visit with your mum. I don't have anything on today but I really want to sit and do some diamond art. I do need to go to the shops but it can wait until tomorrow if need be.

You’re very welcome @MissGremlin. I can understand why you’re struggling with wanting to punish yourself, but you also deserve some kindness from yourself right now 💛

I’m glad talking to your friend helped a little too. Sometimes you don’t need someone to fix anything, you just need someone there

Diamond art sounds like a lovely way to spend the day! 😊 And the shops can definitely wait until tomorrow if they don’t need to be done today. Give yourself permission to have a quiet day and do something you enjoy 💛