In the dream I was back before it all,
before the silence, before the fall.
Before the moment it all went wrong,
before the loss that’s stayed too long.
They were still there, alive and real,
not something memory makes me feel,
Not something taken, not something gone,
just still here, like nothing was wrong.
There was no weight, no crushing ache,
no constant sense I’m about to break,
No emptiness sitting in my chest,
no quiet that never lets me rest.
And somehow I knew what was to come,
only it was something I couldn’t outrun.
So I begged in ways I can’t explain,
over and over, please don’t take them away.
Not them, not now, not like this,
don’t turn their lives into something I miss.
I tried to stop what was already near,
to hold them close, to keep them here.
But I woke up to face the day,
where nothing I do can make them stay.
They are still gone, and I remain,
left here to carry all this pain.
I thought if I just held on tight,
that if I prayed with all my might.
The world might stop and turn around,
and somehow keep them safe and sound.
But when i woke, it was clear,
the same hard truth was waiting here.
No second chance, no different end,
no way to bring them back again.
They’re still gone, but I’m still here,
left with anger, pain, and fear.
It sits so heavy that I can’t move,
like there’s nothing left to lose.
Breathing is just something I do,
not that I still want to.
The days go on the same way,
I almost had them, but they faded away.
As the dream fades into the day,
these feelings don’t go away.
I had them back, I held them near,
then lost them again when I woke here.
And I’m still expected to go on each day,
but I’m worn down in every way.
I can't keep going on like this,
for me death has become my wish.
