Battles

Hey @MissGremlin,

It's so hard when it feels like we're stuck in a loop where things don't feel like they'll get better or change... And I can hear that this has brought on feelings of irritability and lack of motivation. Struggling with these opposing feelings can be really confusing and make us feel lost in what to do, so finding some great distractions can be helpful!

It sounds like the recent fad of diamond art has made it to your household, and we hope this is a welcome distraction for you tonight. Tv shows can be a great distraction too, to escape into another world. If you need other distraction or safety ideas, you are welcome to ask the community here for some ideas!

Creating a new safety plan sounds like it could be a good step to take soon, so we encourage you to reach out for further support with this (like Beyond Blue or Lifeline). You don't have to carry all this heaviness on your own 🌿

Hello @NightPixie, it's very hard being stuck in that loop. But at the moment it's more that I'm in between a manic state and shut down/freeze state so feeling a mixture of everything with things constantly changing making it hard to stay focused or stick to one activity.

For the moment it's making lucky stars and watching a TV show but before it was music and diamond art. I'm trying my best to keep distracted and regulated, it just gets hard at times which then leads to the frustration (I'm safe).

Thankyou for the information regarding a safety plan but unfortunately due to some negative experiences those options aren't possible. I have tried to work on one myself but it's proven to be a real challenge.

I can hear how hard you are trying @MissGremlin! It's not easy to try and stay regulated and also keeping your mind/hands busy. What I find helpful is music and doing chores - not the most fun but it does help to keep your hands and mind busy!

I totally understand why Lifeline and Beyond Blue may not be options for you. Sorry to hear you've had some bad experiences with them. There is also an app that can help you to create your own safety plan - having something that guides/prompts you may be helpful: Creating a Safety Plan - Be You ⬅️

@NightPixie that's actually what i do in the mornings to keep busy, doing chores while listening to music.

I've done alot today, I had a shower, did dishes, folded washing, diamond art, watched TV shows, listened to music, made something to eat and now I'm making lucky stars. I don't feel like I've accomplished anything though cos I spent most of the day in bed despite doing those things.

That's how I've tried to do a safety plan before but I get far too overwhelmed trying to do it by myself.

So it's 2.20am and I haven't slept, I'm not even tired. I didn't want to end up in another manic, I didn't want the hallucinations again but yet here I am stuck in this state and back to seeing things due to the lack of sleep. I still have over a week until I see my doctor again (not that theres anything he can do) and still almost 3 weeks until I can talk to my counsellor again.

I'm safe but frustrated and feeling alone, I'm laying in bed with Casper watching random videos on my phone.

Hey @MissGremlin

Just checking if you managed to get some sleep in? Sounded like that was going to be the best option for you! How frustrating for you to have been struggling with that.

(I'm an overnight Mod)

@CuppaChamomile i dozed off for all of a few minutes before having a nightmare and waking up in a panic. (I'm safe).

I've been laying here patting my puppy and trying to calm myself down in the hopes that I can fall asleep.

@MissGremlin I really hope you can too!

My saviour for the last year has been when I discovered audibles and hitting the sleep timer. I managed to get hitting the timer from 30 mins down to 10 mins. I still have to go a few more times some mornings! It got a bit expensive for me so found that my local library has free ones you can borrow.

I bet your puppys liking the benefits of your misfortune tonight!

@CuppaChamomile i dozed off for about 30 minutes but woke up again after another nightmare and having a panic attack (I'm safe). I listen to audiobooks but struggle with comprehension so sometimes it can frustrate me.

Casper always loves cuddles so I'm lucky there. He lays across me for deep pressure therapy when I'm having panic attacks.

How are you feeling @MissGremlin