Battles

So it's 3:57am and I haven't been able to sleep. I'm feeling frustrated cos I'm not even sleepy. I have so many thoughts racing through me and nothing I've done has worked to make them stop or even slow them down at all (I'm safe). I've done my diamond art, made some lucky stars, watched different TV shows, listened to music, talked to a friend, watched random videos, had something to drink, gone outside for a bit, walked around my house, started writing a poem. I need to at least get some sleep but I'm not sure how.

I dozed off for 5-10 minutes but I've just woken up having a panic attack after a nightmare. I'm trying so hard to calm myself down but I have tears and everything feels so shaky. I keep seeing the nightmare play out over and over again and I can feel what was happening. I'm safe but feeling scared and alone. I'm trying to slow my breathing down while patting Casper.

You sound like you're doing everything you can @MissGremlin I hope you can get some more sleep without the nightmares and panic attacks! I'm glad Casper is there with you, and I hope the day is gentle. You could sure use one of them!

Sending hugs and much love 💚

@heartathome i really am trying, it's been such a horrible night. I have less than an hour before I have to be up.

Thankyou sweet ❤️.

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to get any sleep. I’m proud of you for trying all those things. @MissGremlin. It’s a bit late but another thing that may help is a warm shower. But that takes a lot of energy and motivation.

I do hope you are asleep right now though.

@Captain24 unfortunately I can't shower during the night.

I'm awake and a complete shaky mess (I'm safe).

How are you doing sweet?

That’s a shame. When I’ve been tossing and turning I couldn’t talk myself into one but I think it helped last night. I woke up 3 times but it wasn’t a restful sleep. My watch says it was light sleep all night. @MissGremlin

Shaky in like panic attack shaky? Stressed? Lack of sleep?

Im just sitting here doing diamond art while a friend is venting to me about her marriage problems. I’m actually ok with that but I can’t help. I’m feeling okish. I have doubled my antidepressants this week through, under Pdoc instructions! Maybe this is a good sign.

@Captain24 that sucks that it wasn't restful sleep and that you woke up 3 times. I'm glad you got some sleep but hoping for a more restful night for you tonight.

Panicky and lack of sleep i think. I had a cuppa to see if it would help to calm down but it hasn't worked. I'm laying back in bed with Casper.

Doing diamond art sounds good, as long as the venting doesn't become too much for you. Hoping the medication increase helps you sweet.

Hopefully it’ll be a better night but some sleep is better than no sleep. @MissGremlin

Match your breathing to Casper to try and regulate together. See if that helps. I can’t help text based but I would if I could.

She has just decided to leave her husband while talking to me. That is a good thing for her and she needs to. I wanted to suggest it but it’s not my place. She is in hospital at the moment so they will help her work through things and come up with a plan. She doesn’t have long left in there though.

There’s a list of factors, medication, time off work, doing diamond art everyday instead of sitting around, no job lists (until tomorrow) more contact on here, messenger, with mum and going out shopping and seeing people while out. Just looking after myself and not pushing or punishing myself. Lots of self care. I don’t know if I’m coming out of it or in freeze as they can feel very similar. I still have no energy or motivation though which is freeze.

@Captain24 i have been trying to but Casper gets fully relaxed and there's no way I can breathe as slow as he does cos of my fast heart rate 😂.

That's a huge decision for her to make but hopefully the hospital can get her support to get through it. I got married once, worse mistake of my life, never again.

There is alot of factors so it's hard to know where things are sitting. For me I'm in a mixed state but rapidly heading into the manic state.