I'm stuck awake, filled with so many thoughts, feelings and emotions and not even knowing where to begin to process them if that's at all possible. So here's a poem that I wrote to try to get some of it out. I'm safe and curled up in my bed with Casper.
The first loss hadn’t settled in,
I didn’t know where to begin.
I hadn’t processed the grief inside,
never felt the tears arrive.
I woke each day still in that space,
trying hard to put on a brave face.
It didn’t feel real, it couldn’t be,
a weight I couldn’t carry, can't you see?
I hadn’t made sense of all the grief,
unable to find a hint of relief.
I didn’t know how to survive,
just trying hard to stay alive.
And then it happened once again,
before the first loss had its end.
No space to breathe, no end in sight,
just more weight crushing day and night.
Now I can’t tell which pain is where,
it hits so hard, too much to bear.
I try to name one loss apart,
but both rip through my heavy heart.
I can’t move on, I can’t go back,
both crash down in a double attack.
The first still burns, unfinished, raw,
the second hits me, shaken to the core.
Nothing has settled, nothing feels clear,
it all just crashes down right here.
No time to think, no chance to mend,
just loss over and over again.
I wasn’t ready for the first,
it still felt like the very worst.
And now before I’d found release,
I’m stuck again, no chance for peace.
The first, the second, intertwined,
their echoes haunt my weary mind.
I can't move, I can’t fight,
both losses hit so hard tonight.
@Jynx @rav3n @AuntGlow
