Battles

@ENKELI it's not 100% by choice. I've had severe reactions to medications plus and also a history of taking too much. I don't have trust with myself when it comes to medications but last year I knew I needed help so medications were explored again but unfortunately things didn't go well.

I have depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, ocd, bpd, bipolar and cptsd.

One foot in front of the other even if the steps are shaky.

@MissGremlin that's not good at all. I had a friend who was only allowed to get a week's worth of her medication for the same reason but I think she was only on 1 med that would cause harm if taken in large amounts whereas I imagine you would have had more than 1 medication.

I was first diagnosed with depression, then bipolar 2 and anxiety.

Shaky steps darling heart are just as good as any other xx

@ENKELI i was restricted with medications for a while until I could build the trust back up. It took many years to have that trust again but then I began a medication that sent me into a psychotic episode and I ended up back down that same path only this time it wasn't by choice it was the reaction to the medication. My doctor isn't willing to try any medications now which I'm glad in a way but at the same time it would be good to find something that actually helps.

Hugs to you sweetheart, never stop being the amazing person you are. You're such a beautiful soul ❤️.

@MissGremlin wouldn't it be wonderful if we could find something natural to help instead of the meds that can cause side effects and be toxic? I have lost half my teeth because of one of my meds, plus weight gain and fatty liver.

What are you having for dinner?

You my sweet are the amazing one. You are so kind and caring toward so many members. You're a precious gem 💎

@ENKELI yes the meds have such horrible side effects. I'm sorry they've caused issues for you sweet, hugs to you ❤️.

Thankyou for your beautiful and kind words as always sweetheart ❤️.

I'm hopping off for a while as I'm struggling and things are crashing down (I'm safe for now).

Lots of love and hugs to you ❤️.

Good evening, lovely @MissGremlin

I can't imagine how hard it would be to feel like you're losing yourself... it's so scary to feel like things aren't getting better, especially when we are trying our absolute best to ask for support and implement our strategies. I know it may not feel like it right now, but I see you as someone with so much resilience and you should be incredibly proud of all of your efforts. Even being able to acknowledge that you have online friends to connect with shows so much progress.

It's always so helpful to have someone you can co-regulate with, especially when things are feeling intense or overwhelming. 💛

Writing in the notebook is such a wonderful idea. Could you try and write one affirmation when you're feeling most grounded this week? For example, one that your nervous system believes/trusts? This way, you can revisit it if you start to notice yourself feeling overwhelmed at any point. ☺️

Oh! I saw that it was Casper's birthday. 🥹 He looks like the absolute sweetest boy in his photos - butter wouldn't melt! hehe

Did you enjoy your day together? 🥰

Hello @AuntGlow, I'm not even going to try to reply to everything tonight as my brain is truly feeling like mush. Things really came crashing down tonight and thoughts have been really intense (I'm safe for now). I was just outside with Casper looking at the night sky and the lunar eclipse.

Casper really is the sweetest boy and so very gentle.

The day was ok, I tried hard to find some joy but the moments were only very brief.

Hope you are doing well sweet.

That's okay, my friend. You don't have to reply right now - I want things to feel easier for you, not more tiring! @MissGremlin 🥰

Looking at the night sky and the lunar eclipse sounds magical. Did you take any photos?! 🤩

Is he tucked up in bed with you tonight? 🥹

I would love to hear more about those brief moments of joy whenever you're ready - let's reconnect to them together. 🫶

@AuntGlow been avoiding trying to talk about my feelings today cos I feel if I try I'm just going to completely fall apart.

I love the night sky, it's beautiful to look at and makes me feel less alone when I look up at it. Also reminds me of @MJG017 and how he could ramble on for ages about astronomy and it always intrigued me and kept my brain distracted ☺️. I did get a few pictures.

Casper is laying across my legs to help keep me grounded, I'm having a panic attack at the moment just over the thought of trying to go to sleep and knowing that I'll wake up in a panic after just dozing off. It's such a vicious cycle 😞.

It was mainly just watching Casper open his presents, he gets so excited to open them and it brings a little smile to my face. I took some videos and hoped that by watching them it might keep that glimmer alive but it didn't seem to work.

I hear you @MissGremlin. Maybe rest is what you need most right now? Do you have Angel or Buffy on?

Oh also, did you ever watch Charmed?

It sounds like looking out at the night sky is a really grounding practice for you. 🥰 What is it like to feel less alone in those moments?

Ah @MJG017. 💛

I wonder if you could explore a space documentary tonight?

It truly does sound like such a hard cycle to be in... I am going to send lots of healing and sleepy energy your way tonight - I am hoping that you get some proper rest and that you feel safe with Casper by your side.

Does he have any of his presents with him right now? 🤩