Battles

Hello lovely! How are you? @MissGremlin 💛

Hello @AuntGlow sweet, I'm really struggling 😞. The universe keeps throwing things my way and I can't catch a breath in between (I'm safe for now).

How are you?

I'm so sorry... this must be really hard for you to hold right now. @MissGremlin

I think I read something about your children visiting, challenges getting support (but your counsellor being there), and Casper being unwell - is that right? I want to make sure I am all up to date. 💛

I am doing okay. I have noticed a bit of overwhelm this week, so I am taking time to explore some themes I am noticing in therapy tomorrow. I am sharing this so you know that you're not alone. Sending you the biggest of hugs. 🥰

@MissGremlin

@AuntGlow it's alot to hold right now, too much which is why I tried so hard to get support today.

Yes my children popped in which was nice but brings up alot and can be overwhelming. My doctor didn't ring me or the mental health team but yes my counsellor did message me a few times throughout the day. Casper has a very inflamed ear but thankfully I've caught it before it turned into an infection so he's on steroids for 2 weeks. There's also the fact that I'm going to be homeless next month and there's just nothing i can do about it. Oh and the not sleeping, I've only been getting 2 hours of very broken sleep a night and I'm hallucinating and hearing things because of it which is scary cos its getting to a point where I'm questioning what's real and what's not. I can't sleep, when I do i wake up having full on panic attacks that last hours at a time.

I'm glad you are doing ok. Noticing that overwhelm is tough but I'm glad you are exploring it in therapy. Thankyou for sharing, it helps to know I'm not alone. I just wish I could get proper support to help me through it. Thankyou for those hugs, very much needed right now. Sending hugs to you aswell ❤️.

I'll be honest about things this morning but it might need a trigger warning.

I got so close to acting on things, too close. Everything went blank and it's all I could focus on, I panicked first before taking a breath through the tears and messaging my counsellor first. I was talking on Captains thread at the time and 2 of the mods had tagged me but I had to step back to just pause for a moment which I did and then was able to come back to reply to posts. But it was really scary, I'm not sure what exactly happened during those moments cos i don't remember much. This is happening more often than I care to admit lately and why I had tried to reach out to my doctor this morning cos i know I need help.

I'm safe for now, I'm sitting on my bed with my diamond art, Buffy playing and Casper snoring away.

You have done all the right things here @MissGremlin 💛

I understand why seeing your kids would have felt both nice, but overwhelming. What is one light thing that came from seeing them?

Your counsellor sounds so kind and attentive - what have they shared or suggested support-wise?

My goodness, even with all you have going on, you're an incredible mum. 🥹

Facing homelessness is incredibly scary and not sleeping can create so much distress in the mind and body - I have been there and I completely understand how painful it is to not be able to rest when you need it most.

I know this might be hard to take in right now, but please know that everything you are feeling will be amplified by lack of sleep, so if you can - please try and reach out here for connection, to Mental Health Triage, Lifeline, or even go straight to ER when things feel this way. Can this be our unofficial safety plan?

I know you have reached out to your GP, so I am hoping they get back to you over the next couple of days. Have you checked AskIzzy for crisis housing? 💛

@AuntGlow one light thing was my daughter actually coming and even talking to me.

My counsellor is amazing, she listens and offers advice. She's been trying to get me proper support aswell but it's hard cos between her and my doctor we've exhausted all options.

That line right there about being an incredible mum means more to me than you realise so thankyou ❤️.

It is very scary and not sleeping is taking such a toll on me.

It's so hard cos in those moments everything goes blank and I dont think rationally. Something takes over and it becomes a battle to fight myself. I find myself going to shut down rather than reaching out which I know is the worse possible thing i can do. But even with all that I somehow found it in me today to at least message my counsellor and then I connected here. I've been hurt by a specific crisis line the last few times I've tried to reach out which makes trying them again hard. But I will do my best to reach out if/when things get to that point again.

I have tried every service possible but there's just nothing out there, noone can help. The housing situation here is so messed up for so many people.

Morning @NightFury my sweet, i hope you got a better night's sleep last night. Sending you hugs ❤️

Morning @MissGremlin

I went to bed early, I woke again at around 11.30 pm, but then slept right through until five minutes before my alarm. So...not a bad sleep, really.

How did you sleep?

@NightFury that definitely sounds like a better night's sleep sweet.

I've still been up and down and lots of panic attacks. My brain is going a million miles an hour this morning.

If you are up for it later today I'd love to have a cuppa with you.

I'll definitely be up for it @MissGremlin chat to you later and we can sit and have a cuppa.