Battles

A couple of hours is better than none @MissGremlin. I’m glad you got some.

It’s hard to get out and go to the shops sometimes. I got out of the house yesterday to mow mum and dads lawn but the then that it’s really only Pix’s appointments that I leave.

I’ve cleaned the house, just about to wash the floors. I have a couple of other things I want to get done and then I can stop. I need to clean out the esky that I took on holidays and I want to clean the pantry. I’ve decided just 2 shelves is enough for today. If I want to keep going then that will be good but just as long as the top 2 shelves are done. It’s a walk in so there is a lot of shelves!

I have really hurt my back though and can’t bend over to pick up Jett or anything from the floor. It hurts a lot. I might try a bath this afternoon and see if that helps a little. I need it better by Tuesday as I’m driving down to see my psych in person as it’s the last time she will be at the hospital that’s closing and I want a little bit of closure. That place was my safety net.

I just got a reminder that I have a GP appointment tomorrow so maybe he can give me something for my back! As well as a MHCP.

Other than the shops, what have you got on today or just a rest day?

Sorry it’s a long post, I know it’s too much for you. I apologise

@Captain24 yes it's better than none.

It's definitely hard to get out sometimes and at the moment it's something I'm really struggling with doing. You did well to get out yesterday to mow mum and dads lawn.

You've done amazing already today sweet, well done. Just remember to take breaks in between jobs even if it's just to have a couple of sips of water. I'm glad you've set yourself the goal of at least doing the top 2 shelves of the pantry, that's fantastic. I need to clean my pantry out but will wait for cooler weather to do so.

I'm hoping your back gets better soon sweet, a bath sounds like a good idea to help. I hope the appointment goes ok for you on Tuesday, I know how much that place means to you so it's alot to be losing it.

Glad you have a gp appointment tomorrow and getting something for your back to help would be a good idea. Hope that appointment goes ok tomorrow too sweet.

It's ok, no need to apologise. You made me sit and pause after vacuuming my house before getting ready to go to the shops ☺️. .

I’ve started the pantry but it hurts a lot to climb the step ladder. @MissGremlin. My back is almost ED worthy but I don’t want to sit and wait for hours. I’ll just keep pushing along. Once the pantry is done I’ll then go and have a bath.

I hope you are currently at the shops. I feel for you and understand how hard it must be but you do so well. Vacuuming and doing house stuff is a lot and I’m glad you are able to do it. If I live in mess then I feel even worse and it’s harder to sort it out as there is so much.

Is it around 2 that it all starts to get worse? Is that your responsibilities, constant safe, or do you have other stuff as well. Please don’t answer if you aren’t comfortable.

@Captain24 please be careful sweetheart, if you push yourself too hard you could make it worse.

I'm about to head to the shops now. Yes the mess makes one feel worse. My depression unfortunately is compounded by the clutter I have around the house but I just physically can't go through it all alone. When I even try to sort out the spare room, the second i open the door i get hit with overwhelming thoughts and urges so I know i can't try to do it alone.

It's hard to explain and I can't go into it here. But I'm safe.

I’m being careful. @MissGremlin. It’s not the first time I’ve been like this. It happens quite often just not always this bad. But I want it done so when I have done both shelves I’ll just stop.

I have a spare room like that. It’s just hard to do. Do you have anyone that can help? I was having a lot of trouble trying to do anything at all a while back. But some of the PSW on here became my accountability buddies. They would encourage me to do just one thing and the people pleaser in me would do that one thing so I could report back. It actually really helped me with their help. It got me started and it went on for weeks needing that buddy but I eventually got there by being able to go things on my own.

Would something like that help you? If you don’t have a physical person? I could do that for you only if it helps and doesn’t add pressure.

It’s all good that you can’t say but just know that I am here for you.

Hello @NightFury my sweet, checking in with you ❤️

@Captain24 how did you go sweet? Have you done the shelves in the pantry? I just got back from the shops.

My friend was helping me with things but she's now got her bubs. Unfortunately I need someone physically here in order to be able to do it cos I get way too overwhelmed with it. It's not just a matter of getting upset when I look at the things I need to go through but it's that my headspace goes straight to SI and that becomes more than just thoughts in those moments. (I'm safe).

Thankyou though sweetheart, i really appreciate the offer. Thankyou also for being here for me and know that I'm here for you aswell ❤️

Hi @MissGremlin I'm working away on an assignment. I've written 1500 words and have 500 words left to go, but I'm struggling with staying focused on it now.

How are things over there?

That’s ok @MissGremlin. I was wondering if it would help but it sounds way more than that. If I could help you I would. I’m really good at it when it’s not mine. I would love to be able to help Jynx as well. They struggle to get to ‘that’ room as well. An accountability buddy doesn’t work for them either.

I have done 2 shelves but I need to do the third one as they go together. They are the ones with all the food stuff in them. That one is really overwhelming as it has all the dog treats as well! But I got this! My back is killing me though!

I have a friend that I met in hospital and she is an exercise physiologist. I don’t know what that is but she has given me exercise to do to help with it. I have done a couple and they ry do help! I keep stopping and doing some. I forgot that that’s what she does, I was just randomly checking in on her!

I think I might just do it all. After I finish the third shelf there isn’t much more to do.

How are you going? I’ve been thinking of you due to the time!

@NightFury would you like to pause and have a cuppa with me?

Things are sort of ok but I can feel the lingering doom of a spiral starting. (I'm safe).