Battles

Thanks @Jynx. I really need a distraction right now.

Sure thing @MissGremlin hmm

If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be and why?

@Jynx I would be a coconut, so i could drop on peoples heads (only people that have hurt me of course).

Teehee @MissGremlin

And cos you might have a heart outer shell, but inside you're all soft and sweet?

I'm a kiwi - fuzzy lil gremlin outside, bright weirdo inside!!

@Jynx i don't have a hard shell, I break too easily 😂.

Hehe i like kiwi fruit 😊

@Jynx ok so a crisis service just said 'are you able to not let the flashbacks affect you?'. Hmmm now let's see do you think if I could that maybe I wouldn't be struggling so much with them. Feel like taking the anger and frustration out on myself right now.

haha love your coconut answer @MissGremlin edible and functional, 2-in-1!

ahh totally hear how frustrating that must've been!! it's okay to feel angry at them, but just know that you don't deserve to be punished for feeling those emotions. you are allowed to feel it, and let it pass. and i'll sit here with you while you let for it to pass. oh and for a healthy release, thoughts on screaming into a pillow?

I can just hear the sound the coconut makes when it donks someone on the head @rav3n 😂.

Just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me cos of how they affect me so much. I've tried screaming into a pillow but I always end up with a sore throat after. I'm so exhausted from having to fight myself, I just want to give up already. When I saw my doctor tonight (i didn't have an appointment) I told him that I've been having constant thoughts of suicide for 96 hours and he just said 'don't do it'. Kind of felt invalidating but I know he didn't mean it that way.

is it weird that i can hear so crisp and clearly too? 😆 @MissGremlin

it sucks when our brain automatically decides to blame ourselves for things that aren't even our fault. oh yeah, so fair that you felt upset, i'd want my doc to give me more of a response than that too. but i do think your doc's really rooting for you, and so are we. you've got people in your corner, you're definitely not alone. 💙

@rav3n i think it's just one of those sounds 😂.

It was just a quick passing that I got to talk to him so he didn't exactly get to stop and chat. I have an appointment next week sometime if I can make it until then. I know my doctor is on my side and that I have the community here aswell. It's just all so very overwhelming right now and I want to get a break from these intense thoughts.